009:001;00[U ]| 009:001;00[U ]| 009:007;01@@@@@| 009:007;01[' ]| A VOICE comes to$4$ one in the dark. 009:007;01[' ]| Imagine. 009:007;01[' ]| 009:007;01[' ]| To$4$ one on his back in the dark. 009:007;01[' ]| This he can tell by the pressure on 009:007;01[' ]| his hind parts and by how the dark 009:007;01[' ]| changes when he shuts his eyes and 009:007;01[' ]| again when he opens them again. 009:007;01[' ]| Only a small part of what is said can 009:007;01[' ]| be$1$ verified. As for example when he 009:007;01[' ]| hears, You are on your back in the 009:007;01[' ]| dark. Then he must acknowledge 009:007;01[' ]| the truth of what is said. But by far 009:007;01[' ]| the greater part of what is said can not 009:008;01[' ]| be$1$ verified. As for example when he 009:008;01[' ]| hears, You first saw the light on such 009:008;01[' ]| and such a day. Sometimes the two 009:008;01[' ]| are combined as for example, You 009:008;01[' ]| first saw the light on such and such a 009:008;01[' ]| day and now you are on your back in 009:008;01[' ]| the dark. A device perhaps from the 009:008;01[' ]| incontrovertibility of the one to$9$ win 009:008;01[' ]| credence for the other. That then is 009:008;01[' ]| the proposition. To$4$ one on his back 009:008;01[' ]| in the dark a voice tells of a past. With 009:008;01[' ]| occasional allusion to$4$ a present and 009:008;01[' ]| more rarely to$4$ a future as for example, 009:008;01[' ]| You will end as you now are. And in 009:008;01[' ]| another dark or in the same another 009:008;01[' ]| devising it all for company. Quick 009:008;01[' ]| leave him. 009:009;01[' ]| Use of the second person marks the 009:009;01[' ]| voice. That of the third that cankerous 009:009;01[' ]| other. Could he speak to$4$ and of whom 009:009;01[' ]| the voice speaks there would be$1$ a 009:009;01[' ]| first. But he can not. He shall not. 009:009;01[' ]| You can not. You shall not. 009:009;01[' ]| 009:009;01[' ]| Apart from the voice and the faint 009:009;01[' ]| sound of his breath there is no sound. 009:009;01[' ]| None at least that he can hear. This 009:009;01[' ]| he can tell by the faint sound of his 009:009;01[' ]| breath. 009:009;01[' ]| 009:009;01[' ]| Though now even less than ever 009:009;01[' ]| given to$9$ wonder he can not but sometimes 009:009;01[' ]| wonder if it is indeed to$4$ and of 009:009;01[' ]| him the voice is speaking. May not 009:009;01[' ]| there be$1$ another with him in the dark 009:010;01[' ]| to$4$ and of whom the voice is speaking? 009:010;01[' ]| Is he not perhaps overhearing a 009:010;01[' ]| communication not intended for him? If 009:010;01[' ]| he is alone on his back in the dark 009:010;01[' ]| why does the voice not say$1$ so? Why 009:010;01[' ]| does it never say$1$ for example, You 009:010;01[' ]| saw the light on such and such a day 009:010;01[' ]| and now you are alone on your back 009:010;01[' ]| in the dark? Why? Perhaps for no 009:010;01[' ]| other reason than to$9$ kindle in his 009:010;01[' ]| mind this faint uncertainty and 009:010;01[' ]| embarrassment. 009:010;01[' ]| 009:010;01[' ]| Your mind never active at any time 009:010;01[' ]| is now even less than ever so. This is 009:010;01[' ]| the type of assertion he does not 009:010;01[' ]| question. You saw the light on such 009:010;01[' ]| and such a day and your mind never 009:011;01[' ]| active at any time is now even less 009:011;01[' ]| than ever so. Yet a certain activity of 009:011;01[' ]| mind however slight is a necessary 009:011;01[' ]| complement of company. That is why 009:011;01[' ]| the voice does not say$1$, You are on your 009:011;01[' ]| back in the dark and have no mental 009:011;01[' ]| activity of any kind. The voice alone 009:011;01[' ]| is company but not enough. Its effect 009:011;01[' ]| on the hearer is a necessary complement. 009:011;01[' ]| Were it only to$9$ kindle in his 009:011;01[' ]| mind the state of faint uncertainty and 009:011;01[' ]| embarrassment mentioned above. But 009:011;01[' ]| company apart this effect is clearly 009:011;01[' ]| necessary. For were he merely to$9$ hear 009:011;01[' ]| the voice and it to$9$ have$1$ no more 009:011;01[' ]| effect on him than speech in Bantu or 009:011;01[' ]| in Erse then might it not as well 009:011;01[' ]| cease? Unless its object be by mere 009:012;01[' ]| sound to$9$ plague one in need of silence. 009:012;01[' ]| Or of course unless as above surmised 009:012;01[' ]| directed at another. 009:012;01[' ]| 009:012;01[' ]| A small boy you come out of 009:012;01[' ]| Connolly's Stores holding your 009:012;01[' ]| mother by the hand. You turn right 009:012;01[' ]| and advance in silence southward 009:012;01[' ]| along the highway. After some Hundred 009:012;01[' ]| paces you head inland and broach 009:012;01[' ]| the long steep homeward. You make 009:012;01[' ]| ground in silence hand in hand through 009:012;01[' ]| the warm still summer air. It is late 009:012;01[' ]| afternoon and after some hundred 009:012;01[' ]| paces the sun appears above the crest 009:012;01[' ]| of the rise. Looking up at the blue sky 009:012;01[' ]| and then at your mother's face you 009:012;01[' ]| break the silence asking her$6$ if it is not 009:012;01[' ]| in reality much more distant than it 009:012;01[' ]| appears. The sky that is. The blue sky. 009:012;01[' ]| Rcceiving no answer you mentally 009:012;01[' ]| reframe your question and some 009:013;01[' ]| hundred paces later look up at her$2$ 009:013;01[' ]| face again and ask her$6$ if it does not 009:013;01[' ]| appear much less distant than in reality 009:013;01[' ]| it is. For some reason you could never 009:013;01[' ]| fathom this question must have$1$ 009:013;01[' ]| angered her$6$ exceedingly. For she 009:013;01[' ]| shook off your little hand and made 009:013;01[' ]| you a cutting retort you have never 009:013;01[' ]| forgotten. 009:013;01[' ]| 009:013;01[' ]| If the voice is not speaking to$4$ him 009:013;01[' ]| it must be$1$ speaking to$4$ another. So 009:013;01[' ]| with what reason remains he reasons. 009:013;01[' ]| To$4$ another of that other. Or of him. 009:014;01[' ]| Or of another still. To$4$ another of that 009:014;01[' ]| other or of him or of another still. To$4$ 009:014;01[' ]| one on his back in the dark in any case. 009:014;01[' ]| Of one on his back in the dark whether 009:014;01[' ]| the same or another. So with what 009:014;01[' ]| reason remains he reasons and reasons 009:014;01[' ]| ill. For were the voice speaking not 009:014;01[' ]| to$4$ him but to$4$ another then it must be$1$ 009:014;01[' ]| of that other it is speaking and not of 009:014;01[' ]| him or of another still. Since it speaks 009:014;01[' ]| in the second person. Were it not of 009:014;01[' ]| him to$4$ whom it is speaking speaking 009:014;01[' ]| but of another it would not speak in 009:014;01[' ]| the second person but in the third. 009:014;01[' ]| For example, He first saw the light on 009:014;01[' ]| such and such a day and now he is on 009:014;01[' ]| his back in the dark. It is clear therefore 009:014;01[' ]| that if it is not to$4$ him the voice is 009:015;01[' ]| speaking but to$4$ another it is not of 009:015;01[' ]| him either but of that other and none 009:015;01[' ]| other to$4$ that other. So with what 009:015;01[' ]| reason remains he reasons ill. In order 009:015;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ company he must display a 009:015;01[' ]| certain mental activity. But it need 009:015;01[' ]| not be$1$ of a high order. Indeed it 009:015;01[' ]| might be$1$ argued the lower the better. 009:015;01[' ]| Up to$4$ a point. The lower the order of 009:015;01[' ]| mental activity the better the company. 009:015;01[' ]| Up to$4$ a point. 009:015;01[' ]| 009:015;01[' ]| You first saw the light in the room 009:015;01[' ]| you most likely were conceived in. 009:015;01[' ]| The big bow window looked west to$4$ 009:015;01[' ]| the mountains. Mainly west. For being 009:015;01[' ]| bow it looked also a little south and 009:015;01[' ]| a little north. Necessarily. A little 009:016;01[' ]| south to$4$ more mountain and a little 009:016;01[' ]| norths to$4$ foothill and plain. The mid-wife 009:016;01[' ]| was none other than a Dr Hadden 009:016;01[' ]| or Haddon. Straggling grey moustache 009:016;01[' ]| and hunted look. It being a public 009:016;01[' ]| holiday your father left the house 009:016;01[' ]| soon after his breakfast with a flask 009:016;01[' ]| and a package of his favourite egg 009:016;01[' ]| sandwiches for a tramp in the mountains. 009:016;01[' ]| There was nothing unusual in 009:016;01[' ]| this. But on that particular morning 009:016;01[' ]| his love of walking and wild scenery 009:016;01[' ]| was not the only mover. But he was 009:016;01[' ]| moved also to$9$ take himself off and 009:016;01[' ]| out of the way by his aversion to$4$ the 009:016;01[' ]| pains and general unpleasantness of 009:016;01[' ]| labour and delivery. Hence the 009:016;01[' ]| sandwiches which he relished at noon 009:017;01[' ]| looking out to$4$ sea from the lee of a 009:017;01[' ]| great rock on the first summit scaled. 009:017;01[' ]| You may imagine his thoughts before 009:017;01[' ]| and after as he strode through the 009:017;01[' ]| gorse and heather. When he returned 009:017;01[' ]| at nightfall he learned to$4$ his dismay 009:017;01[' ]| from the maid at the back door that 009:017;01[' ]| labour was still in swing. Despite its 009:017;01[' ]| having begun before he left the house 009:017;01[' ]| full ten hours earlier. He at once 009:017;01[' ]| hastened to$4$ the coachhouse some 009:017;01[' ]| twenty yards distant where he housed 009:017;01[' ]| his De Dion Bouton. He shut the doors 009:017;01[' ]| behind him and climbed into the 009:017;01[' ]| driver's seat. You may imagine his 009:017;01[' ]| thoughts as he sat there in the dark 009:017;01[' ]| not knowing what to$9$ think. Though 009:017;01[' ]| footsore and weary he was on the 009:018;01[' ]| point of setting out anew across the 009:018;01[' ]| fields in the young moonlight when 009:018;01[' ]| the maid came running to$9$ tell him it 009:018;01[' ]| was over at last. Over! 009:018;01[' ]| 009:018;01[' ]| You are a old man plodding along 009:018;01[' ]| a narrow country road. You have 009:018;01[' ]| been out since break of day and now 009:018;01[' ]| it is evening. Sole sound in the silence 009:018;01[' ]| your footfalls. Rather sole sounds for 009:018;01[' ]| they vary from one to$4$ the next. You 009:018;01[' ]| listen to$4$ each one and add it in your 009:018;01[' ]| mind to$4$ the growing sum of those 009:018;01[' ]| that went before. You halt with bowed 009:018;01[' ]| head on the verge of the ditch and 009:018;01[' ]| convert into yards. On the basis now 009:018;01[' ]| of two steps per yard. So many since 009:018;01[' ]| dawn to$9$ add to$4$ yesterday's. To$4$ yesteryear's. 009:019;01[' ]| To$4$ yesteryears'. Days other than 009:019;01[' ]| today and so akin. The giant tot 009:019;01[' ]| in miles. In leagues. How often round 009:019;01[' ]| the earth already. Halted too at your 009:019;01[' ]| elbow during these computations your 009:019;01[' ]| father's shade. In his old tramping 009:019;01[' ]| rags. Finally on side by side from 009:019;01[' ]| nought anew. 009:019;01[' ]| 009:019;01[' ]| The voice comes to$4$ him now from 009:019;01[' ]| one quarter and now from another. 009:019;01[' ]| Now faint from afar and now a 009:019;01[' ]| murmur in his ear. In the course of a 009:019;01[' ]| single sentence it may change place 009:019;01[' ]| and tone. Thus for example clear from 009:019;01[' ]| above his upturned face, You first 009:019;01[' ]| saw the light at Easter and now. Then 009:019;01[' ]| a murmur in his ear, You are on your 009:020;01[' ]| back in the dark. Or of course vice 009:020;01[' ]| versa. Another trait its long silences 009:020;01[' ]| when he dare almost hope it is at a 009:020;01[' ]| end. Thus to$9$ take the same example 009:020;01[' ]| clear from above his upturned face, 009:020;01[' ]| You first saw the light of day the day 009:020;01[' ]| Christ died and now. Then long after 009:020;01[' ]| on his nascent hope the murmur, You 009:020;01[' ]| are on your back in the dark. Or of 009:020;01[' ]| course vice versa. 009:020;01[' ]| 009:020;01[' ]| Another trait its repetitiousness. 009:020;01[' ]| Repeatedly with only minor variants 009:020;01[' ]| the same bygone. As if willing him 009:020;01[' ]| by this dint to$9$ make it his. To$9$ confess, 009:020;01[' ]| Yes I remember. Perhaps even to$9$ 009:020;01[' ]| have$1$ a voice. To$9$ murmur, Yes I 009:020;01[' ]| remember. What a addition to$4$ 009:021;01[' ]| company that would be$1$! A voice in 009:021;01[' ]| the first person singular. Murmuring 009:021;01[' ]| now and then, Yes I remember. 009:021;01[' ]| 009:021;01[' ]| a old beggar woman is fumbling 009:021;01[' ]| at a big garden gate. Half blind. You 009:021;01[' ]| know the place well. Stone deaf and 009:021;01[' ]| not in her$2$ right mind the woman of 009:021;01[' ]| the house is a crony of your mother. 009:021;01[' ]| She was sure she could fly once in the 009:021;01[' ]| air. So one day she launched herself 009:021;01[' ]| from a first floor window. On the 009:021;01[' ]| way home from kindergarten on your 009:021;01[' ]| tiny cycle you see the poor old beggar 009:021;01[' ]| woman trying to$9$ get in. You dismount 009:021;01[' ]| and open the gate for her$6$. 009:021;01[' ]| She blesses you. What were her$2$ 009:021;01[' ]| words? God reward you little master. 009:022;01[' ]| Some such words. God save you little 009:022;01[' ]| master. 009:022;01[' ]| 009:022;01[' ]| A faint voice at loudest. It slowly 009:022;01[' ]| ebbs till almost out of hearing. Then 009:022;01[' ]| slowly back to$4$ faint full. At each 009:022;01[' ]| slow ebb hope slowly dawns that it is 009:022;01[' ]| dying. He must know it will flow 009:022;01[' ]| again. And yet at each slow ebb hope 009:022;01[' ]| slowly dawns that it is dying. 009:022;01[' ]| 009:022;01[' ]| Slowly he entered dark and silence 009:022;01[' ]| and lay there for so long that with 009:022;01[' ]| what judgement remained he judged 009:022;01[' ]| them to$9$ be$1$ final. Till one day the 009:022;01[' ]| voice. One day! Till in the end the 009:022;01[' ]| voice saying, You are on your back 009:022;01[' ]| in the dark. Those its first words. 009:023;01[' ]| Long pause for him to$9$ believe his ears 009:023;01[' ]| and then from another quarter the 009:023;01[' ]| same. Next the vow not to$9$ cease till 009:023;01[' ]| hearing cease. You are on your back 009:023;01[' ]| in the dark and not till hearing cease 009:023;01[' ]| will this voice cease. Or another way. 009:023;01[' ]| As in shadow he lay and only the odd 009:023;01[' ]| sound slowly silence fell and darkness 009:023;01[' ]| gathered. That were perhaps better 009:023;01[' ]| company. For what odd sound? 009:023;01[' ]| Whence the shadowy light? 009:023;01[' ]| 009:023;01[' ]| You stand at the tip of the high 009:023;01[' ]| board. High above the sea. In it your 009:023;01[' ]| father's upturned face. Upturned to$4$ 009:023;01[' ]| you. You look down to$4$ the loved 009:023;01[' ]| trusted face. He calls to$4$ you to$9$ jump. 009:023;01[' ]| He calls, Be a brave boy. The red 009:024;01[' ]| round face. The thick moustache. The 009:024;01[' ]| greying hair. The swell sways it under 009:024;01[' ]| and sways it up again. The far call 009:024;01[' ]| again, Be a brave boy. Many eyes upon 009:024;01[' ]| you. From the water and from the 009:024;01[' ]| bathing place. 009:024;01[' ]| 009:024;01[' ]| The odd sound. What a mercy to$9$ 009:024;01[' ]| have$1$ that to$9$ turn to$5$. Now and then. 009:024;01[' ]| In dark and silence to$9$ close as if to$9$ 009:024;01[' ]| light the eyes and hear a sound. Some 009:024;01[' ]| object moving from its place to$4$ its 009:024;01[' ]| last place. Some soft thing softly 009:024;01[' ]| stirring soon to$9$ stir no more. To$4$ 009:024;01[' ]| darkness visible to$9$ close the eyes and 009:024;01[' ]| hear if only that. Some soft thing 009:024;01[' ]| softly stirring soon to$9$ stir no more. 009:025;01[' ]| By the voice a faint light is shed. 009:025;01[' ]| Dark lightens while it sounds. Deepens 009:025;01[' ]| when it ebbs. Lightens with flow 009:025;01[' ]| back to$4$ faint full. Is whole again when 009:025;01[' ]| it ceases. You are on your back in the 009:025;01[' ]| dark. Had the eyes been open then 009:025;01[' ]| they would have$1$ marked a change. 009:025;01[' ]| 009:025;01[' ]| Whence the shadowy light? What 009:025;01[' ]| company in the dark! To$9$ close the 009:025;01[' ]| eyes and try to$9$ imagine that. Whence 009:025;01[' ]| once the shadowy light. No source. 009:025;01[' ]| As if faintly lumillous all his little 009:025;01[' ]| void. What can he have$1$ seen then 009:025;01[' ]| above his upturned face. To$9$ close the 009:025;01[' ]| eyes in the dark and try to$9$ imagine 009:025;01[' ]| that. 009:026;01[' ]| Another trait the flat tone. No life. 009:026;01[' ]| Same flat tone at all times. For its 009:026;01[' ]| affirmations. For its negations. For its 009:026;01[' ]| interrogations. For its exclamations. 009:026;01[' ]| For its imperations. Same flat tone. 009:026;01[' ]| You were once. You were never. 009:026;01[' ]| Were you ever? Oh never to$9$ have$1$ 009:026;01[' ]| been! Be again. Same flat tone. 009:026;01[' ]| 009:026;01[' ]| Can he move? Does he move? 009:026;01[' ]| Should he move? What a help that 009:026;01[' ]| would be$1$. When the voice fails. Some 009:026;01[' ]| movement however small. Were it 009:026;01[' ]| but of a hand closing. Or opening if 009:026;01[' ]| closed to$9$ begin. What a help that 009:026;01[' ]| would be$1$ in the dark! To$9$ close the 009:026;01[' ]| eyes and see that hand. Palm upward 009:026;01[' ]| filling the whole field. The lines. The 009:027;01[' ]| fingers slowly down. Or up if down 009:027;01[' ]| to$9$ begin. The lines of that old palm. 009:027;01[' ]| 009:027;01[' ]| There is of course the eye. Filling 009:027;01[' ]| the whole field. The hood slowly 009:027;01[' ]| down. Or up if down to$9$ begin. The 009:027;01[' ]| globe. All pupil. Staring up. Hooded. 009:027;01[' ]| Bared. Hooded again. Bared again. 009:027;01[' ]| 009:027;01[' ]| If he were to$9$ utter after all? However 009:027;01[' ]| feebly. What a addition to$4$ company 009:027;01[' ]| that would be$1$! You are on your back 009:027;01[' ]| in the dark and one day you will 009:027;01[' ]| utter again. One day! In the end. In 009:027;01[' ]| the end you will utter again. Yes I 009:027;01[' ]| remember. That was I. That was I 009:027;01[' ]| then. 009:028;01@@@@@| 009:028;01[' ]| You are alone in the garden. Your 009:028;01[' ]| mother is in the kitchen making ready 009:028;01[' ]| for afternoon tea with Mrs Coote. 009:028;01[' ]| Making the wafer-thin bread and 009:028;01[' ]| butter. From behind a bush you 009:028;01[' ]| watch Mrs Coote arrive. A small thin 009:028;01[' ]| sour woman. Your mother answers 009:028;01[' ]| her$6$ saying, He is playing in the garden. 009:028;01[' ]| You climb to$4$ near the top of a great 009:028;01[' ]| fir. You sit a little listening to$4$ all the 009:028;01[' ]| sounds. Then throw yourself off. The 009:028;01[' ]| great boughs break your fall. The 009:028;01[' ]| needles. You lie a little with your 009:028;01[' ]| face to$4$ the ground. Then climb the 009:028;01[' ]| tree again. Your mother answers Mrs 009:028;01[' ]| Coote again saying, He has been a 009:028;01[' ]| very naughty boy. 009:029;01[' ]| What with what feeling remains 009:029;01[' ]| does he feel about now as compared 009:029;01[' ]| to$4$ then? When with what judgement 009:029;01[' ]| remained he judged his condition final. 009:029;01[' ]| As well inquire what he felt then 009:029;01[' ]| about then as compared to$4$ before. 009:029;01[' ]| When he still moved or tarried in 009:029;01[' ]| remains of light. As then there was no 009:029;01[' ]| then so there is none now. 009:029;01[' ]| 009:029;01[' ]| In another dark or in the same 009:029;01[' ]| another devising it all for company. 009:029;01[' ]| This at first sight seems clear. But as 009:029;01[' ]| the eye dwells it grows obscure. 009:029;01[' ]| lndeed the longer the eye dwells the 009:029;01[' ]| obscurer it grows. Till the eye closes 009:029;01[' ]| and freed from pore the mind inquires, 009:029;01[' ]| What does this mean? What finally 009:030;01[' ]| does this mean that at first sight 009:030;01[' ]| seemed clear? Till it the mind too 009:030;01[' ]| closes as it were. As the window 009:030;01[' ]| might close of a dark empty room. 009:030;01[' ]| The single window giving on outer 009:030;01[' ]| dark. Then nothing more. No. 009:030;01[' ]| Unhappily no. Pangs of faint light and 009:030;01[' ]| stirrings still. Unformulable gropings 009:030;01[' ]| of the mind. Unstillable. 009:030;01[' ]| 009:030;01[' ]| Nowhere in particular on the way 009:030;01[' ]| from A to$4$ Z. Or say for verisimilitude 009:030;01[' ]| the Ballyogan Road. That dear old 009:030;01[' ]| back road. Somewhere on the Ballyogan 009:030;01[' ]| Road in lieu of nowhere in 009:030;01[' ]| particular. Where no truck any more. 009:030;01[' ]| Somewhere on the Ballyogan Road 009:030;01[' ]| on the way from A to$4$ Z. Head sunk 009:031;01[' ]| totting up the tally on the verge of 009:031;01[' ]| the ditch. Foothills to$4$ left. Croker's 009:031;01[' ]| Acres ahead. Father's shade to$4$ right 009:031;01[' ]| and a little to$4$ the rear. So many times 009:031;01[' ]| already round the earth. Topcoat once 009:031;01[' ]| green stiff with age and grime from 009:031;01[' ]| chin to$4$ insteps. Battered once buff 009:031;01[' ]| block hat and quarter boots still a 009:031;01[' ]| match. No other garments if any to$9$ 009:031;01[' ]| be$1$ seen. Out since break of day and 009:031;01[' ]| night now falling. Reckoning ended 009:031;01[' ]| on together from nought anew. As if 009:031;01[' ]| bound for Stepaside. When suddenly 009:031;01[' ]| you cut through the hedge and 009:031;01[' ]| vanish hobbling east across the 009:031;01[' ]| gallops. 009:031;01[' ]| 009:031;01[' ]| For why or? Why in another dark 009:032;01[' ]| or in the same? And whose voice 009:032;01[' ]| asking this? Who asks, Whose voice 009:032;01[' ]| asking this? And answers, His soever 009:032;01[' ]| who devises it all. In the same dark as 009:032;01[' ]| his creature or in another. For company. 009:032;01[' ]| Who asks in the end, Who 009:032;01[' ]| asks? And in the end answers as above? 009:032;01[' ]| And adds long after to$4$ himself, 009:032;01[' ]| Unless another still. Nowhere to$9$ be$1$ 009:032;01[' ]| found. Nowhere to$9$ be$1$ sought. The 009:032;01[' ]| unthinkable last of all. Unnamable. 009:032;01[' ]| Last person. I. Quick leave him. 009:032;01[' ]| 009:032;01[' ]| The light there was then. On your 009:032;01[' ]| back in the dark the light there was 009:032;01[' ]| then. Sunless cloudless brightness. You 009:032;01[' ]| slip away at break of day and climb 009:032;01[' ]| to$4$ your hiding place on the hillside. 009:033;01[' ]| A nook ill the gorse. East beyond the 009:033;01[' ]| sea the faint shape of high mountain. 009:033;01[' ]| Seventy miles away according to$4$ your 009:033;01[' ]| Longman. For the third or fourth 009:033;01[' ]| time in your life. The first time you 009:033;01[' ]| told them and were derided. All 009:033;01[' ]| you had seen was cloud. So now you 009:033;01[' ]| hoard it in your heart with the rest. 009:033;01[' ]| Back home at nightfall supperless to$4$ 009:033;01[' ]| bed. You lie in the dark and are back 009:033;01[' ]| in that light. Straining out from your 009:033;01[' ]| nest in the gorse with your eyes across 009:033;01[' ]| the water till they ache. You close 009:033;01[' ]| them while you count a hundred. 009:033;01[' ]| Then open and strain again. Again and 009:033;01[' ]| again. Till ill the end it is there. 009:033;01[' ]| Palest blue against the pale sky. You 009:033;01[' ]| lie in the dark and are back in that 009:034;01[' ]| light. Fall asleep in that sunless 009:034;01[' ]| cloudless 009:034;01[' ]| light. Sleep till morning light. 009:034;01[' ]| 009:034;01[' ]| Deviser of the voice and of its hearer 009:034;01[' ]| and of himself. Deviser of himself for 009:034;01[' ]| company. Leave it at that. He speaks 009:034;01[' ]| of himself as of another. He says 009:034;01[' ]| speaking of himself, He speaks of himself 009:034;01[' ]| as of another. Himself he devises 009:034;01[' ]| too for company. Leave it at that. 009:034;01[' ]| Confusion too is company up to$4$ a 009:034;01[' ]| point. Better hope deferred than none. 009:034;01[' ]| Up to$4$ a point. Till the heart starts to$9$ 009:034;01[' ]| sicken. Company too up to$4$ a point. 009:034;01[' ]| Better a sick heart than none. Till it 009:034;01[' ]| starts to$9$ break. So speaking of himself 009:034;01[' ]| he concludes for the time being, For 009:034;01[' ]| the time being leave it at that. 009:035;01[' ]| In the same dark as his creature or 009:035;01[' ]| in another not yet imagined. Nor in 009:035;01[' ]| what position. Whether standing or 009:035;01[' ]| sitting or lying or in some other 009:035;01[' ]| position in the dark. These are among 009:035;01[' ]| the matters yet to$9$ be$1$ imagined. 009:035;01[' ]| Matters of which as yet no inkling. 009:035;01[' ]| The test is company. Which of the 009:035;01[' ]| two darks is the better company. 009:035;01[' ]| Which of all imaginable positions has 009:035;01[' ]| the most to$9$ offer in the way of company. 009:035;01[' ]| And similarly for the other 009:035;01[' ]| matters yet to$9$ be$1$ imagined. Such as 009:035;01[' ]| if such decisions irreversible. Let him 009:035;01[' ]| for example after due imagination 009:035;01[' ]| decide in favour of the supine position 009:035;01[' ]| or prone and this in practice prove 009:035;01[' ]| less companionable than anticipated. 009:036;01[' ]| May he then or may he not replace it 009:036;01[' ]| by another? Such as huddled with his 009:036;01[' ]| legs drawn up within the semi-circle 009:036;01[' ]| of his arms and his head on his knees. 009:036;01[' ]| Or in motion. Crawling on all fours. 009:036;01[' ]| Another in another dark or in the 009:036;01[' ]| same crawling on all fours devising it 009:036;01[' ]| all for company. Or some other form 009:036;01[' ]| of motion. The possible encounters. 009:036;01[' ]| A dead rat. What a addition to$4$ 009:036;01[' ]| company that would be$1$! A rat long 009:036;01[' ]| dead. 009:036;01[' ]| 009:036;01[' ]| Might not the hearer be$1$ improved? 009:036;01[' ]| Made more companionable if not 009:036;01[' ]| downright human. Mentally perhaps 009:036;01[' ]| there is room for enlivenment. a 009:036;01[' ]| attempt at reflexion at least. At recall. 009:037;01[' ]| At speech even. Conation of some 009:037;01[' ]| kind however feeble. A trace of 009:037;01[' ]| emotion. Signs of distress. A sense of 009:037;01[' ]| failure. Without loss of character. 009:037;01[' ]| Delicate ground. But physically? Must 009:037;01[' ]| he lie inert to$4$ the end? Only the 009:037;01[' ]| eyelids stirring on and off since 009:037;01[' ]| technically they must. To$9$ let in and 009:037;01[' ]| shut out the dark. Might he not cross 009:037;01[' ]| his feet? On and off. Now left on 009:037;01[' ]| right and now a little later the reverse. 009:037;01[' ]| No. Quite out of keeping. He lie 009:037;01[' ]| with crossed feet? One glance dispels. 009:037;01[' ]| Some movement of the hands? A 009:037;01[' ]| hand. A clenching and unclenching. 009:037;01[' ]| Difficult to$9$ justify. Or raised to$9$ brush 009:037;01[' ]| away a fly. But there are no flies. 009:037;01[' ]| Then why not let there be$1$? The 009:038;01[' ]| temptation is great. Let there be$1$ a fly. 009:038;01[' ]| For him to$9$ brush away. A live fly 009:038;01[' ]| mistaking him for dead. Made aware 009:038;01[' ]| of its error and renewing it incontinent. 009:038;01[' ]| What a addition to$4$ company 009:038;01[' ]| that would be$1$! A live fly mistaking 009:038;01[' ]| him for dead. But no. He would not 009:038;01[' ]| brush away a fly. 009:039;01[' ]| 009:039;01[' ]| You take pity on a hedgehog out in 009:039;01[' ]| the cold and put it in a old hatbox 009:039;01[' ]| with some worms. This box with the 009:039;01[' ]| hog inside you then place in a disused 009:039;01[' ]| hutch wedging the door open for the 009:039;01[' ]| poor creature to$9$ come and go at will. 009:039;01[' ]| To$9$ go in search of food and having 009:039;01[' ]| eaten to$9$ regain the warmth and 009:039;01[' ]| security of its box in the hutch. There 009:039;01[' ]| then is the hedgehog in its box in the 009:039;01[' ]| hutch with enough worms to$9$ tide it 009:039;01[' ]| over. A last look to$9$ make sure all is as 009:039;01[' ]| it should be$1$ before taking yourself off 009:039;01[' ]| to$9$ look for something else to$9$ pass the 009:039;01[' ]| time heavy already on your hands at 009:039;01[' ]| that tender age. The glow at your 009:039;01[' ]| good deed is slower than usual to$9$ cool 009:039;01[' ]| and fade. You glowed readily in those 009:039;01[' ]| days but seldom for long. Hardly had 009:039;01[' ]| the glow been kindled by some good 009:039;01[' ]| deed on your part or by some little 009:039;01[' ]| triumph over your rivals or by a word 009:039;01[' ]| of praise from your parents or mentors 009:039;01[' ]| when it would begin to$9$ cool 009:039;01[' ]| and fade leaving you in a very short 009:039;01[' ]| time as chill and dim as before. Even 009:039;01[' ]| in those days. But not this day. It was 009:040;01[' ]| on a autumn afternoon you found 009:040;01[' ]| the hedgehog and took pity on it in 009:040;01[' ]| the way described and you were still 009:040;01[' ]| the better for it when your bedtime 009:040;01[' ]| came. Kneeling at your bedside you 009:040;01[' ]| included it the hedgehog in your 009:040;01[' ]| detailed prayer to$4$ God to$9$ bless all you 009:040;01[' ]| loved. And tossing in your warm bed 009:040;01[' ]| waiting for sleep to$9$ come you were 009:040;01[' ]| still faintly glowing at the thought of 009:040;01[' ]| what a fortunate hedgehog it was to$9$ 009:040;01[' ]| have$1$ crossed your path as it did. A 009:040;01[' ]| narrow clay path edged with sere box 009:040;01[' ]| edging. As you stood there wondering 009:040;01[' ]| how best to$9$ pass the time till bedtime 009:040;01[' ]| it parted the edging on the one side 009:040;01[' ]| and was making straight for the 009:040;01[' ]| edging on the other when you entered 009:041;01[' ]| its life. Now the next morning not 009:041;01[' ]| only was the glow spent but a great 009:041;01[' ]| uneasiness had taken its place. A 009:041;01[' ]| suspicion that all was perhaps not as it 009:041;01[' ]| should be$1$. That rather than do as you 009:041;01[' ]| did you had perhaps better let good 009:041;01[' ]| alone and the hedgehog pursue its 009:041;01[' ]| way. Days if not weeks passed before 009:041;01[' ]| you could bring yourself to$9$ return to$4$ 009:041;01[' ]| the hutch. You have never forgotten 009:041;01[' ]| what you found then. You are on 009:041;01[' ]| your back in the dark and have never 009:041;01[' ]| forgotten what you found then. The 009:041;01[' ]| mush. The stench. 009:041;01[' ]| 009:041;01[' ]| Impending for some time the 009:041;01[' ]| following. Need for company not 009:041;01[' ]| continuous. Moments when his own 009:042;01[' ]| unrelieved a relief Intrusion of voice 009:042;01[' ]| at such. Similarly image of hearer. 009:042;01[' ]| Similarly his own. Regret then at 009:042;01[' ]| having brought them about and 009:042;01[' ]| problem how dispel them. Finally 009:042;01[' ]| what meant by his own unrelieved? 009:042;01[' ]| What possible relief? Leave it at that 009:042;01[' ]| for the moment. 009:042;01[' ]| 009:042;01[' ]| Let the hearer be$1$ named H. Aspirate. 009:042;01[' ]| Haitch. You Haitch are on your back 009:042;01[' ]| in the dark. And let him know his 009:042;01[' ]| name. No longer any question of his 009:042;01[' ]| overhearing. Of his not being meant. 009:042;01[' ]| Though logically none in any case. 009:042;01[' ]| Of words murmured in his ear to$9$ 009:042;01[' ]| wonder if to$4$ him! So he is. So that 009:042;01[' ]| faint uneasiness lost. That faint hope. 009:043;01[' ]| To$4$ one with so few occasions to$9$ feel. 009:043;01[' ]| So inapt to$9$ feel. Asking nothing 009:043;01[' ]| better in so far as he can ask anything 009:043;01[' ]| than to$9$ feel nothing. Is it desirable? 009:043;01[' ]| No. Would he gain thereby in 009:043;01[' ]| companionability? No. Then let him not 009:043;01[' ]| be$1$ named H. Let him be$1$ again as he 009:043;01[' ]| was. The hearer. Unnamable. You. 009:043;01[' ]| 009:043;01[' ]| Imagine closer the place where he 009:043;01[' ]| lies. Within reason. To$4$ its form and 009:043;01[' ]| dimensions a clue is given by the 009:043;01[' ]| voice afar. Receding afar or there 009:043;01[' ]| with abrupt saltation or resuming 009:043;01[' ]| there after pause. From above and 009:043;01[' ]| from all sides and levels with equal 009:043;01[' ]| remoteness at its most remote. At no 009:043;01[' ]| time from below. So far. Suggesting 009:044;01[' ]| one lying on the floor of a hemispherical 009:044;01[' ]| chamber of generous diameter 009:044;01[' ]| with ear dead centre. How generous? 009:044;01[' ]| Given faintness of voice at its least 009:044;01[' ]| faint some sixty feet should suffice or 009:044;01[' ]| thirty from ear to$4$ any given point of 009:044;01[' ]| encompassing surface. So much for 009:044;01[' ]| form and dimensions. And composition? 009:044;01[' ]| What and where clue to$4$ that 009:044;01[' ]| if any anywhere. Reserve for the 009:044;01[' ]| moment. Basalt is tempting. Black 009:044;01[' ]| basalt. But reserve for the moment. 009:044;01[' ]| So he imagines to$4$ himself as voice and 009:044;01[' ]| hearer pall. But further imagination 009:044;01[' ]| shows him to$9$ have$1$ imagined ill. For 009:044;01[' ]| with what right affirm of a faint sound 009:044;01[' ]| that it is a less faint made fainter by 009:044;01[' ]| farness and not a true faint near at 009:045;01[' ]| halld? Or of a faint fading to$4$ fainter 009:045;01[' ]| that it recedes and not 7in 7situ decreases. 009:045;01[' ]| If with none then no light from the 009:045;01[' ]| voice on the place where our old 009:045;01[' ]| hearer lies. In immeasurable dark. 009:045;01[' ]| Contourless. Leave it at that for the 009:045;01[' ]| moment. Adding only, What kind of 009:045;01[' ]| imagination is this so reason-ridden? 009:045;01[' ]| A kind of its own. 009:045;01[' ]| 009:045;01[' ]| Another devising it all for company. 009:045;01[' ]| In the same dark as his creature or in 009:045;01[' ]| another. Quick imagine. The same. 009:045;01[' ]| 009:045;01[' ]| Might not the voice be$1$ improved? 009:045;01[' ]| Made more companionable. Say 009:045;01[' ]| changing now for some time past 009:045;01[' ]| though no tense in the dark in that 009:046;01[' ]| dim mind. All at once over and in 009:046;01[' ]| train and to$9$ come. But for the other 009:046;01[' ]| say for some time past some improvement. 009:046;01[' ]| Same flat tone as initially 009:046;01[' ]| imagined and same repetitiousness. No 009:046;01[' ]| improving those. But less mobility. 009:046;01[' ]| Less variety of faintness. As if seeking 009:046;01[' ]| optimum position. From which to$9$ 009:046;01[' ]| discharge with greatest effect. The 009:046;01[' ]| ideal amplitude for effortless audition. 009:046;01[' ]| Neither offending the ear with loudness 009:046;01[' ]| nor through converse excess 009:046;01[' ]| constraining it to$9$ strain. How far more 009:046;01[' ]| companionable such a organ than it 009:046;01[' ]| initially in haste imagined. How far 009:046;01[' ]| more likely to$9$ achieve its object. To$9$ 009:046;01[' ]| have$1$ the hearer have a past and 009:046;01[' ]| acknowledge it. You were born on a 009:047;01[' ]| Easter Friday after long labour. Yes I 009:047;01[' ]| remember. The sun had not long sunk 009:047;01[' ]| behind the larches. Yes I remember. As 009:047;01[' ]| best to$9$ erode the drop must strike 009:047;01[' ]| unwavering. Upon the place beneath. 009:047;01@@@@@| 009:047;01[' ]| The last time you went out the snow 009:047;01[' ]| lay on the ground. You now on your 009:047;01[' ]| back in the dark stand that morning 009:047;01[' ]| on the sill having pulled the door 009:047;01[' ]| gently to$5$ behind you. You lean back 009:047;01[' ]| against the door with bowed head 009:047;01[' ]| making ready to$9$ set out. By the time 009:047;01[' ]| you open your eyes your feet have 009:047;01[' ]| disappeared and the skirts of your 009:047;01[' ]| greatcoat come to$4$ rest on the surface 009:047;01[' ]| of the snow. The dark scene seems lit 009:047;01[' ]| from below. You see yourself at that 009:048;01[' ]| last outset leaning against the door 009:048;01[' ]| with closed eyes waiting for the word 009:048;01[' ]| from you to$9$ go. To$9$ be$1$ gone. Then 009:048;01[' ]| the snowlit scene. You lie in the dark 009:048;01[' ]| with closed eyes and see yourself there 009:048;01[' ]| as described making ready to$9$ strike 009:048;01[' ]| out and away across the expanse of 009:048;01[' ]| light. You hear again the click of the 009:048;01[' ]| door pulled gently to$5$ and the silence 009:048;01[' ]| before the steps can start. Next thing 009:048;01[' ]| you are on your way across the white 009:048;01[' ]| pasture afrolic with lambs in spring 009:048;01[' ]| and strewn with red placentae. You 009:048;01[' ]| take the course you always take which 009:048;01[' ]| is a beeline for the gap or ragged 009:048;01[' ]| point in the quickset that forms the 009:048;01[' ]| western fringe. Thither from your 009:048;01[' ]| entering the pasture you need 009:049;01[' ]| normally from eighteen hundred to$4$ 009:049;01[' ]| two thousand paces depending on 009:049;01[' ]| your humour and the state of the 009:049;01[' ]| ground. But on this last morning 009:049;01[' ]| many more will be$1$ required. Many 009:049;01[' ]| many more. The beeline is so familiar 009:049;01[' ]| to$4$ your feet that if necessary they 009:049;01[' ]| could keep to$4$ it and you sightless with 009:049;01[' ]| error on arrival of not more than a 009:049;01[' ]| few feet north or south. And indeed 009:049;01[' ]| without any such necessity unless 009:049;01[' ]| from within this is what they normally 009:049;01[' ]| do and not only here. For you advance 009:049;01[' ]| if not with closed eyes though this as 009:049;01[' ]| often as not at least with them fixed 009:049;01[' ]| on the momentary ground before 009:049;01[' ]| your feet. That is all of nature you 009:049;01[' ]| have seen. Since finally you bowed 009:050;01[' ]| your head. The fleeting ground before 009:050;01[' ]| your feet. From time to$4$ time. You do 009:050;01[' ]| not count your steps any more. For 009:050;01[' ]| the simple reason they number each 009:050;01[' ]| day the same. Average day in day out 009:050;01[' ]| the same. The way being always the 009:050;01[' ]| same. You keep count of the days and 009:050;01[' ]| every tenth day multiply. And add. 009:050;01[' ]| Your father's shade is not with you 009:050;01[' ]| any more. It fell out long ago. You do 009:050;01[' ]| not hear your footfalls any more. 009:050;01[' ]| Unhearing unseeing you go your 009:050;01[' ]| way. Day after day. The same way. 009:050;01[' ]| As if there were no other any more. 009:050;01[' ]| For you there is no other any more. 009:050;01[' ]| You used never to$9$ halt except to$9$ make 009:050;01[' ]| your reckoning. So as to$9$ plod on from 009:050;01[' ]| nought anew. This need removed as 009:051;01[' ]| we have seen there is none in theory to$9$ 009:051;01[' ]| halt any more. Save perhaps a moment 009:051;01[' ]| at the outermost point. To$9$ gather 009:051;01[' ]| yourself together for the return. And 009:051;01[' ]| yet you do. As never before. Not for 009:051;01[' ]| tiredness. You are no more tired now 009:051;01[' ]| than you always were. Not because of 009:051;01[' ]| age. You are no older now than you 009:051;01[' ]| always were. And yet you halt as 009:051;01[' ]| never before. So that the same hundred 009:051;01[' ]| yards you used to$9$ cover in a matter of 009:051;01[' ]| three to$4$ four minutes may now take 009:051;01[' ]| you anything from fifteen to$4$ twenty. 009:051;01[' ]| The foot falls unbidden in midstep or 009:051;01[' ]| next for lift cleaves to$4$ the ground 009:051;01[' ]| bringing the body to$4$ a stand. Then a 009:051;01[' ]| speechlessness whereof the gist, Can 009:051;01[' ]| they go on? Or better, Shall they go 009:052;01[' ]| on? The barest gist. Stilled when 009:052;01[' ]| finally as always hitherto they do. You 009:052;01[' ]| lie in the dark with closed eyes and see 009:052;01[' ]| the scene. As you could not at the 009:052;01[' ]| time. The dark cope of sky. The 009:052;01[' ]| dazzling land. You at a standstill in 009:052;01[' ]| the midst. The quarter boots sunk to$4$ 009:052;01[' ]| the tops. The skirts of the greatcoat 009:052;01[' ]| resting on the snow. In the old bowed 009:052;01[' ]| head in the old block hat speechless 009:052;01[' ]| misgiving. Halfway across the pasture 009:052;01[' ]| on your beeline to$4$ the gap. The 009:052;01[' ]| unerring feet fast. You look behind 009:052;01[' ]| you as you could not then and see 009:052;01[' ]| their trail. A great swerve. Withershins. 009:052;01[' ]| Almost as if all at once the 009:052;01[' ]| heart too heavy. In the end too 009:052;01[' ]| heavy. 009:053;01[' ]| Bloom of adulthood. Imagine a 009:053;01[' ]| whiff of that. On your back in the 009:053;01[' ]| dark you remember. Ah you you 009:053;01[' ]| remember. Cloudless May day. She 009:053;01[' ]| joins you in the little summerhouse. 009:053;01[' ]| A rustic hexahedron. Entirely of logs. 009:053;01[' ]| Both larch and fir. Six feet across. 009:053;01[' ]| Eight from floor to$4$ vertex. Area 009:053;01[' ]| twenty-four square feet to$4$ furthest 009:053;01[' ]| decimal. Two small multicoloured 009:053;01[' ]| lights 8vis-a-vis. Small stained diamond 009:053;01[' ]| panes. Under each a ledge. There on 009:053;01[' ]| summer Sundays after his midday 009:053;01[' ]| meal your father loved to$9$ retreat with 009:053;01[' ]| lunch and a cushion. The waist of his 009:053;01[' ]| trousers unbuttoned he sat on the one 009:053;01[' ]| ledge turning the pages. You on the 009:053;01[' ]| other with your feet dangling. When 009:054;01[' ]| he chuckled you tried to$9$ chuckle too. 009:054;01[' ]| When his chuckle died yours too. 009:054;01[' ]| That you should try to$9$ imitate his 009:054;01[' ]| chuckle pleased and tickled him 009:054;01[' ]| greatly and sometimes he would 009:054;01[' ]| chuckle for no other reason than to$9$ 009:054;01[' ]| hear you try to$9$ chuckle too. Sometimes 009:054;01[' ]| you turn your head and look 009:054;01[' ]| out through a rose-red pane. You 009:054;01[' ]| press your little nose against the pane 009:054;01[' ]| and all without is rosy. The years 009:054;01[' ]| have flown and there at the same place 009:054;01[' ]| as then you sit in the bloom of adulthood 009:054;01[' ]| bathed in rainbow light gazing 009:054;01[' ]| before you. She is late. You close 009:054;01[' ]| your eyes and try to$9$ calculate the 009:054;01[' ]| volume. Simple sums you find a help 009:054;01[' ]| in times of trouble. A haven. You 009:055;01[' ]| arrive in the end at seven cubic yards 009:055;01[' ]| approximately. Even still in the timeless 009:055;01[' ]| dark you find figures a comfort. 009:055;01[' ]| You assume a certain heart rate and 009:055;01[' ]| reckon how many thumps a day. A 009:055;01[' ]| week. A month. A year. And assuming 009:055;01[' ]| a certain lifetime a lifetime. Till the 009:055;01[' ]| last thump. But for the moment with 009:055;01[' ]| hardly more than seventy American 009:055;01[' ]| billion behind you you sit in the 009:055;01[' ]| little summerhouse working out the 009:055;01[' ]| volume. Seven cubic yards approximately. 009:055;01[' ]| This strikes you for some 009:055;01[' ]| reason as improbable and you set 009:055;01[' ]| about your sum anew. But you have 009:055;01[' ]| not made much headway when her$2$ 009:055;01[' ]| light step is heard. Light for a woman 009:055;01[' ]| of her$2$ size. You open with quickening 009:056;01[' ]| pulse your eyes and a moment later 009:056;01[' ]| that seems a eternity her$2$ face appears 009:056;01[' ]| at the window. Mainly blue in this 009:056;01[' ]| position the natural pallor you so 009:056;01[' ]| admire as indeed from it no doubt 009:056;01[' ]| wholly blue your own. For natural 009:056;01[' ]| pallor is a property you have in 009:056;01[' ]| common. The violet lips do not 009:056;01[' ]| return your smile. Now this window 009:056;01[' ]| being flush with your eyes from where 009:056;01[' ]| you sit and the floor as near as no 009:056;01[' ]| matter with the outer ground you 009:056;01[' ]| can not but wonder if she has not sunk 009:056;01[' ]| to$4$ her$2$ knees. Knowing from experience 009:056;01[' ]| that the height or length you 009:056;01[' ]| have in common is the sum of equal 009:056;01[' ]| segments. For when bolt upright or 009:056;01[' ]| lying at full stretch you cleave face to$4$ 009:057;01[' ]| face then your knees meet and your 009:057;01[' ]| pubes and the hairs of your heads 009:057;01[' ]| mingle. Does it follow from this that 009:057;01[' ]| the loss of height for the body that 009:057;01[' ]| sits is the same as for it that kneels? At 009:057;01[' ]| this point assuming height of seat 009:057;01[' ]| adjustable as in the case of certain 009:057;01[' ]| piano stools you close your eyes the 009:057;01[' ]| better with mental measure to$9$ measure 009:057;01[' ]| and compare the first and second 009:057;01[' ]| segments namely from sole to$4$ kneepad 009:057;01[' ]| and thence to$4$ pelvic girdle. How 009:057;01[' ]| given you were both moving and at 009:057;01[' ]| rest to$4$ the closed eye in your waking 009:057;01[' ]| hours! By day and by night. To$4$ that 009:057;01[' ]| perfect dark. That shadowless light. 009:057;01[' ]| Simply to$9$ be$1$ gone. Or for affair as 009:057;01[' ]| now. A single leg appears. Seen from 009:058;01[' ]| above. You separate the segments and 009:058;01[' ]| lay them side by side. It is as you half 009:058;01[' ]| surmised. The upper is the longer and 009:058;01[' ]| the sitter's loss the greater when scat 009:058;01[' ]| at knee level. You leave the pieces 009:058;01[' ]| lying there and open your eyes to$9$ 009:058;01[' ]| find her$6$ sitting before you. All dead 009:058;01[' ]| still. The ruby lips do not return your 009:058;01[' ]| smile. Your gaze descends to$4$ the 009:058;01[' ]| breasts. You do not remember them 009:058;01[' ]| so big. To$4$ the abdomen. Same 009:058;01[' ]| impression. Dissolve to$4$ your father's 009:058;01[' ]| straining against the unbuttoned 009:058;01[' ]| waistband. Can it be$1$ she is with child 009:058;01[' ]| without your having asked for as 009:058;01[' ]| much as her$2$ hand? You go back into 009:058;01[' ]| your mind. She too did you but know 009:058;01[' ]| has closed her$2$ eyes. So you sit face 009:059;01[' ]| to$4$ face in the little summerhouse. 009:059;01[' ]| With eyes closed and your hands on 009:059;01[' ]| your pubes. In that rainbow light. 009:059;01[' ]| That dead still. 009:059;01[' ]| Wearied by such stretch of imagining 009:059;01[' ]| he ceases and all ceases. Till feeling 009:059;01[' ]| the need for company again he tells 009:059;01[' ]| himself to$9$ call the hearer M at least. 009:059;01[' ]| For readier reference. Himself some 009:059;01[' ]| other character. W. Devising it all 009:059;01[' ]| himself included for company. In the 009:059;01[' ]| same dark as M when last heard of. In 009:059;01[' ]| what posture and whether fixed or 009:059;01[' ]| mobile left open. He says further to$4$ 009:059;01[' ]| himself referring to$4$ himself, When 009:059;01[' ]| last he referred to$4$ himself it was to$9$ say$1$ 009:059;01[' ]| he was in the same dark as his creature. 009:060;01[' ]| Not in another as once seemed possible. 009:060;01[' ]| The same. As more companionable. 009:060;01[' ]| And that his posture there remained 009:060;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ devised. And to$9$ be$1$ decided 009:060;01[' ]| whether fast or mobile. Which of all 009:060;01[' ]| imaginable postures least liable to$9$ pall? 009:060;01[' ]| Which of motion or of rest the more 009:060;01[' ]| entertaining in the long run? And in 009:060;01[' ]| the same breath too soon to$9$ say$1$ and 009:060;01[' ]| why after all not say without further 009:060;01[' ]| ado what can later be$1$ unsaid and what 009:060;01[' ]| if it could not? What then? Could he 009:060;01[' ]| now if he chose move out of the dark 009:060;01[' ]| he chose when last heard of and away 009:060;01[' ]| from his creature into another? Should 009:060;01[' ]| he now decide to$9$ lie and come later 009:060;01[' ]| to$9$ regret it could he then rise to$4$ his 009:060;01[' ]| feet for example and lean against a 009:061;01[' ]| wall or pace to$8$ and fro? Could M be$1$ 009:061;01[' ]| reimagined in a easy chair? With 009:061;01[' ]| hands free to$9$ go to$4$ his assistance? 009:061;01[' ]| There in the same dark as his creature 009:061;01[' ]| he leaves himself to$4$ these perplexities 009:061;01[' ]| while wondering as every now and 009:061;01[' ]| then he wonders in the back of his 009:061;01[' ]| mind if the woes of the world are all 009:061;01[' ]| they used to$9$ be$1$. In his day. 009:061;01[' ]| 009:061;01[' ]| M so far as follows. On his back in a 009:061;01[' ]| dark place form and dimensions yet to$9$ 009:061;01[' ]| be$1$ devised. Hearing on and off a 009:061;01[' ]| voice of which uncertain whether 009:061;01[' ]| addressed to$4$ him or to$4$ another sharing 009:061;01[' ]| his situation. There being nothing to$9$ 009:061;01[' ]| show when it describes correctly his 009:061;01[' ]| situation that the description is not for 009:062;01[' ]| the benefit of another in the same 009:062;01[' ]| situation. Vague distress at the vague 009:062;01[' ]| thought of his perhaps overhearing a 009:062;01[' ]| confidence when he hears for example, 009:062;01[' ]| You are on your back in the dark. 009:062;01[' ]| Doubts gradually dashed as voice 009:062;01[' ]| from questing far and wide closes 009:062;01[' ]| in upon him. When it ceases no other 009:062;01[' ]| sound than his breath. When it ceases 009:062;01[' ]| long enough vague hope it may have$1$ 009:062;01[' ]| said its last. Mental activity of a low 009:062;01[' ]| order. Rare flickers of reasoning of no 009:062;01[' ]| avail. Hope and despair and suchlike 009:062;01[' ]| barely felt. How current situation 009:062;01[' ]| arrived at unclear. No that then to$9$ 009:062;01[' ]| compare to$4$ this now. Only eyelids 009:062;01[' ]| move. When for relief from outer and 009:062;01[' ]| inner dark they close and open 009:063;01[' ]| respectively. Other small local movements 009:063;01[' ]| eventually within moderation 009:063;01[' ]| not to$9$ be$1$ despaired of But no 009:063;01[' ]| improvement by means of such 009:063;01[' ]| achieved so far. Or on a higher plane 009:063;01[' ]| by such addition to$4$ company as a 009:063;01[' ]| movement of sustained sorrow or 009:063;01[' ]| desire or remorse or curiosity or anger 009:063;01[' ]| and so on. Or by some successful act 009:063;01[' ]| of intellection as were he to$9$ think to$4$ 009:063;01[' ]| himself referring to$4$ himself, Since he 009:063;01[' ]| can not think he will give up trying. 009:063;01[' ]| Is there anything to$9$ add to$4$ this 009:063;01[' ]| esquisse? His unnamability. Even M 009:063;01[' ]| must go. So W reminds himself of his 009:063;01[' ]| creature as so far created. W? But W 009:063;01[' ]| too is creature. Figment. 009:064;01[' ]| Yet another then. Of whom nothing. 009:064;01[' ]| Devising figments to$9$ temper his 009:064;01[' ]| nothingness. Quick leave him. Pause 009:064;01[' ]| and again in panic to$4$ himself, Quick 009:064;01[' ]| leave him. 009:064;01[' ]| 009:064;01[' ]| Devised deviser devising it all for 009:064;01[' ]| company. In the same figment dark as 009:064;01[' ]| his figments. In what posture and if or 009:064;01[' ]| not as hearer in his for good not yet 009:064;01[' ]| devised. Is not one immovable 009:064;01[' ]| enough? Why duplicate this particular 009:064;01[' ]| solace? Then let him move. Within 009:064;01[' ]| reason. On all fours. A moderate 009:064;01[' ]| crawl torso well clear of the ground 009:064;01[' ]| eyes front alert. If this no better than 009:064;01[' ]| nothing cancel. If possible. And in the 009:064;01[' ]| void regained another motion. Or 009:065;01[' ]| none. Leaving only the most helpful 009:065;01[' ]| posture to$9$ be$1$ devised. But to$9$ be$1$ going 009:065;01[' ]| on with let him crawl. Crawl and 009:065;01[' ]| fall. Crawl again and fall again. In the 009:065;01[' ]| same figment dark as his other 009:065;01[' ]| figments. 009:065;01[' ]| 009:065;01[' ]| From ranging far and wide as if in 009:065;01[' ]| quest the voice comes to$4$ rest and 009:065;01[' ]| constant faintness. To$4$ rest where? 009:065;01[' ]| Imagine warily. 009:065;01[' ]| 009:065;01[' ]| Above the upturned face. Falling 009:065;01[' ]| tangent to$4$ the crown. So that in the 009:065;01[' ]| faint light it sheds were there a mouth 009:065;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ seen he would not see it. Roll 009:065;01[' ]| as he might his eyes. Height from the 009:065;01[' ]| ground? 009:066;01[' ]| Arm's length. Force? Low. A 009:066;01[' ]| mother's stooping over cradle from 009:066;01[' ]| behind. She moves aside to$9$ let the 009:066;01[' ]| father look. In his turn he murmurs to$4$ 009:066;01[' ]| the newborn. Flat tone unchanged. 009:066;01[' ]| No trace of love 009:066;01[' ]| 009:066;01[' ]| You are on your back at the foot of 009:066;01[' ]| a aspen. In its trembling shade. She 009:066;01[' ]| at right angles propped on her$2$ elbows 009:066;01[' ]| head between her$2$ hands. Your eyes 009:066;01[' ]| opened and closed have looked in hers 009:066;01[' ]| looking in yours. In your dark you 009:066;01[' ]| look in them again. Still. You feel on 009:066;01[' ]| your face the fringe of her$2$ long black 009:066;01[' ]| hair stirring in the still air. Within the 009:066;01[' ]| tent of hair your faces are hidden from 009:066;01[' ]| view. She murmurs, Listen to$4$ the 009:067;01[' ]| leaves. Eyes in each other's eyes you 009:067;01[' ]| listen to$4$ the leaves. In their trembling 009:067;01[' ]| shade. 009:067;01@@@@@| 009:067;01[' ]| Crawling and falling then. Crawling 009:067;01[' ]| again and falling again. If this finally 009:067;01[' ]| no improvement on nothing he can 009:067;01[' ]| always fall for good. Or have never 009:067;01[' ]| risen to$4$ his knees. Contrive how such 009:067;01[' ]| crawl unlike the voice may serve to$9$ 009:067;01[' ]| chart the area. However roughly. 009:067;01[' ]| First what is the unit of crawl? 009:067;01[' ]| Corresponding to$4$ the footstep of 009:067;01[' ]| erect locomotion. He rises to$4$ all fours 009:067;01[' ]| and makes ready to$9$ set out. Hands and 009:067;01[' ]| knees angles of a oblong two foot 009:067;01[' ]| long width irrelevant. Finally say left 009:067;01[' ]| knee moves forward six inches thus 009:068;01[' ]| half halving distance between it and 009:068;01[' ]| homologous hand. Which then in due 009:068;01[' ]| course in its turn moves forward by as 009:068;01[' ]| much. Oblong now rhomboid. But 009:068;01[' ]| for no longer than it takes right knee 009:068;01[' ]| and hand to$9$ follow suit. Oblong 009:068;01[' ]| restored. So on till he drops. Of all 009:068;01[' ]| modes of crawl this the repent amble 009:068;01[' ]| possibly the least common. And so 009:068;01[' ]| possibly of all the most diverting. 009:068;01[' ]| 009:068;01[' ]| So as he crawls the mute count. 009:068;01[' ]| Grain by grain in the mind. One two 009:068;01[' ]| three four one. Knee hand knee hand 009:068;01[' ]| two. One foot. Till say after five he 009:068;01[' ]| falls. Then sooner or later on from 009:068;01[' ]| nought anew. One two three four one. 009:068;01[' ]| Knee hand knee hand two. Six. So on. 009:069;01[' ]| In what he wills a beeline. Till having 009:069;01[' ]| encountered no obstacle discouraged 009:069;01[' ]| he heads back the way he came. From 009:069;01[' ]| nought anew. Or in some quite 009:069;01[' ]| different direction. In what he hopes 009:069;01[' ]| a beeline. Till again with no dead end 009:069;01[' ]| for his pains he renounces and embarks 009:069;01[' ]| on yet another course. From nought 009:069;01[' ]| anew. Well aware or little doubting 009:069;01[' ]| how darkness may deflect. Withershins 009:069;01[' ]| on account of the heart. Or 009:069;01[' ]| conversely to$4$ shortest path convert 009:069;01[' ]| deliberate veer. Be that as it may and 009:069;01[' ]| crawl as he will no bourne as yet. As 009:069;01[' ]| yet imaginable. Hand knee hand 009:069;01[' ]| knee as he will. Bourneless dark. 009:069;01[' ]| 009:069;01[' ]| Would it be$1$ reasonable to$9$ imagine 009:070;01[' ]| the hearer as mentally quite inert? 009:070;01[' ]| Except when he hears. That is when 009:070;01[' ]| the voice sounds. For what if not it 009:070;01[' ]| and his breath is there for him to$9$ hear? 009:070;01[' ]| Aha! The crawl. Does he hear the 009:070;01[' ]| crawl? The fall? What a addition to$4$ 009:070;01[' ]| company were he but to$9$ hear the 009:070;01[' ]| crawl. The fall. The rising to$4$ all fours 009:070;01[' ]| again. The crawl resumed. And 009:070;01[' ]| wonder to$4$ himself what in the world 009:070;01[' ]| such sounds might signify. Reserve 009:070;01[' ]| for a duller moment. What if not 009:070;01[' ]| sound could set his mind in motion? 009:070;01[' ]| Sight? The temptation is strong to$9$ 009:070;01[' ]| decree there is nothing to$9$ see. But too 009:070;01[' ]| late for the moment. For he sees a 009:070;01[' ]| change of dark when he opens or 009:070;01[' ]| shuts his eyes. And he may see the 009:071;01[' ]| faint light the voice imagined to$9$ shed. 009:071;01[' ]| Rashly imagined. Light infinitely 009:071;01[' ]| faint it is true since now no more than 009:071;01[' ]| a mere murmur. Here suddenly seen 009:071;01[' ]| how his eyes close as soon as the voice 009:071;01[' ]| sounds. Should they happen to$9$ be$1$ 009:071;01[' ]| open at the time. So light as let be$1$ 009:071;01[' ]| faintest light no longer perceived than 009:071;01[' ]| the time it takes the lid to$9$ fall. Taste? 009:071;01[' ]| The taste in his mouth? Long since 009:071;01[' ]| dulled. Touch? The thrust of the 009:071;01[' ]| ground against his bones. All the way 009:071;01[' ]| from calcaneum to$9$ bump of 009:071;01[' ]| philogenitiveness. Might not a notion to$9$ 009:071;01[' ]| stir ruffle his apathy? To$9$ turn on his 009:071;01[' ]| side. On his face. For a change. Let 009:071;01[' ]| that much of want be$1$ conceded. With 009:071;01[' ]| attendant relief that the days are no 009:072;01[' ]| more when he could writhe in vain. 009:072;01[' ]| Smell? His own? Long since dulled. 009:072;01[' ]| And a barrier to$4$ others if any. Such as 009:072;01[' ]| might have$1$ once emitted a rat long 009:072;01[' ]| dead. Or some other carrion. Yet to$9$ 009:072;01[' ]| be$1$ imagined. Unless the crawler 009:072;01[' ]| smell. Aha! The crawling creator. 009:072;01[' ]| Might the crawling creator be$1$ 009:072;01[' ]| reasonably imagined to$9$ smell? Even 009:072;01[' ]| fouler than his creature. Stirring now 009:072;01[' ]| and then to$9$ wonder that mind so lost 009:072;01[' ]| to$9$ wonder. To$9$ wonder what in the 009:072;01[' ]| world can be$1$ making that alien smell. 009:072;01[' ]| Whence in the world those wafts of 009:072;01[' ]| villainous smell. How much more 009:072;01[' ]| companionable could his creator but 009:072;01[' ]| smell. Could he but smell his creator. 009:072;01[' ]| Some sixth sense? Inexplicable 009:073;01[' ]| premonition of impending ill? Yes or 009:073;01[' ]| no? No. Pure reason? Beyond 009:073;01[' ]| experience. God is love. Yes or no? 009:073;01[' ]| No. 009:073;01[' ]| 009:073;01[' ]| Can the crawling creator crawling 009:073;01[' ]| in the same create dark as his creature 009:073;01[' ]| create while crawling? One of the 009:073;01[' ]| questions he put to$4$ himself as between 009:073;01[' ]| two crawls he lay. And if the obvious 009:073;01[' ]| answer were not far to$9$ seek the most 009:073;01[' ]| helpful was another matter. And many 009:073;01[' ]| crawls were necessary and the like 009:073;01[' ]| number of prostrations before he 009:073;01[' ]| could finally make up his imagination 009:073;01[' ]| on this score. Adding to$4$ himself 009:073;01[' ]| without conviction in the same breath 009:073;01[' ]| as always that no answer of his was 009:074;01[' ]| sacred. Come what might the answer 009:074;01[' ]| he hazarded in the end was no he 009:074;01[' ]| could not. Crawling in the dark in 009:074;01[' ]| the way described was too serious a 009:074;01[' ]| matter and too all-engrossing to$9$ 009:074;01[' ]| permit of any other business were it 009:074;01[' ]| only the conjuring of something out 009:074;01[' ]| of nothing. For he had not only as 009:074;01[' ]| perhaps too hastily imagined to$9$ cover 009:074;01[' ]| the ground in this special way but 009:074;01[' ]| rectigrade into the bargain to$4$ the best 009:074;01[' ]| of his ability. And furthermore to$9$ 009:074;01[' ]| count as he went adding half foot to$4$ 009:074;01[' ]| half foot and retain in his memory the 009:074;01[' ]| ever-changing sum of those gone 009:074;01[' ]| before. And finally to$9$ maintain eyes 009:074;01[' ]| and ears at a high level of alertness 009:074;01[' ]| for any clue however small to$4$ the 009:075;01[' ]| nature of the place to$4$ which imagination 009:075;01[' ]| perhaps unadvisedly had consigned 009:075;01[' ]| him. So while in the same 009:075;01[' ]| breath deploring a fancy so reason-ridden 009:075;01[' ]| and observing how revocable 009:075;01[' ]| its flights he could not but answer 009:075;01[' ]| finally no he could not. Could not 009:075;01[' ]| conceivably create while crawling in 009:075;01[' ]| the same create dark as his creature. 009:075;01[' ]| 009:075;01[' ]| A strand. Evening. Light dying. 009:075;01[' ]| Soon none left to$9$ die. No. No such 009:075;01[' ]| thing then as no light. Died on to$4$ 009:075;01[' ]| dawn and never died. You stand with 009:075;01[' ]| your back to$4$ the wash. No sound but 009:075;01[' ]| its. Ever fainter as it slowly ebbs. Till 009:075;01[' ]| it slowly flows again. You lean on a 009:075;01[' ]| long staff. Your hands rest on the 009:076;01[' ]| knob and on them your head. Were 009:076;01[' ]| your eyes to$9$ open they would first see 009:076;01[' ]| far below in the last rays the skirt of 009:076;01[' ]| your greatcoat and the uppers of your 009:076;01[' ]| boots emerging from the sand. Then 009:076;01[' ]| and it alone till it vanishes the shadow 009:076;01[' ]| of the staff on the sand. Vanishes from 009:076;01[' ]| your sight. Moonless starless night. 009:076;01[' ]| Were your eyes to$9$ open dark would 009:076;01[' ]| lighten. 009:076;01[' ]| 009:076;01[' ]| Crawls and falls. Lies. Lies in the 009:076;01[' ]| dark with closed eyes resting from his 009:076;01[' ]| crawl. Recovering. Physically and 009:076;01[' ]| from his disappointment at having 009:076;01[' ]| crawled again in vain. Perhaps saying 009:076;01[' ]| to$4$ himself, Why crawl at all? Why 009:076;01[' ]| not just lie in the dark with closed 009:077;01[' ]| eyes and give up? Give up all. Have 009:077;01[' ]| done with all. With bootless crawl 009:077;01[' ]| and figments comfortless. But if on 009:077;01[' ]| occasion so disheartened it is seldom 009:077;01[' ]| for long. For little by little as he lies 009:077;01[' ]| the craving for company revives. In 009:077;01[' ]| which to$9$ escape from his own. The 009:077;01[' ]| need to$9$ hear that voice again. If only 009:077;01[' ]| saying again, You are on your back 009:077;01[' ]| in the dark. Or if only, You first saw 009:077;01[' ]| the light and cried at the close of the 009:077;01[' ]| day when in darkness Christ at the 009:077;01[' ]| ninth hour cried and died. The need 009:077;01[' ]| eyes closed the better to$9$ hear to$9$ see 009:077;01[' ]| that glimmer shed. Or with adjunction 009:077;01[' ]| of some human weakness to$9$ improve 009:077;01[' ]| the hearer. For example a itch 009:077;01[' ]| beyond reach of the hand or better 009:078;01[' ]| still within while the hand immovab1e. 009:078;01[' ]| a unscratchable itch. What a 009:078;01[' ]| addition to$4$ company that would be$1$! 009:078;01[' ]| Or last if not least resort to$9$ ask himself 009:078;01[' ]| what precisely he means when he 009:078;01[' ]| speaks of himself loosely as lying. 009:078;01[' ]| Which in other words of all the 009:078;01[' ]| innumerable ways of lying is likely 009:078;01[' ]| to$9$ prove in the long run the most 009:078;01[' ]| endearing. If having crawled in the 009:078;01[' ]| way described he falls it would 009:078;01[' ]| normally be$1$ on his face. Indeed given 009:078;01[' ]| the degree of his fatigue and 009:078;01[' ]| discouragement at this point it is hard to$9$ 009:078;01[' ]| see how he could do$1$ otherwise. But 009:078;01[' ]| once fallen and lying on his face there 009:078;01[' ]| is no reason why he should not turn 009:078;01[' ]| over on one or other of his sides or 009:079;01[' ]| on his only back and so lie should any 009:079;01[' ]| of these three postures offer better 009:079;01[' ]| company than any of the other three. 009:079;01[' ]| The supine though most tempting he 009:079;01[' ]| must finally disallow as being already 009:079;01[' ]| supplied by the hearer. With regard 009:079;01[' ]| to$4$ the sidelong one glance is enough 009:079;01[' ]| to$9$ dispel them both. Leaving him with 009:079;01[' ]| no other choice than the prone. But 009:079;01[' ]| how prone? Prone how? How disposed 009:079;01[' ]| the legs? The arms? The head? Prone 009:079;01[' ]| in the dark he strains to$9$ see how best 009:079;01[' ]| he may lie prone. How most 009:079;01[' ]| companionably. 009:079;01[' ]| 009:079;01[' ]| See hearer clearer. Which of all the 009:079;01[' ]| ways of lying supine the least likely in 009:079;01[' ]| the long run to$9$ pall? After long 009:080;01[' ]| straining eyes closed prone in the dark 009:080;01[' ]| the following. But first naked or 009:080;01[' ]| covered? If only with a sheet. Naked. 009:080;01[' ]| Ghostly in the voice's glimmer that 009:080;01[' ]| bonewhite flesh for company. Head 009:080;01[' ]| resting mainly on occipital bump 009:080;01[' ]| aforesaid. Legs joined at attention. Feet 009:080;01[' ]| splayed ninety degrees. Hands invisibly 009:080;01[' ]| manacled crossed on pubis. Other 009:080;01[' ]| details as need felt. Leave him at that 009:080;01[' ]| for the moment. 009:080;01[' ]| 009:080;01[' ]| Numb with the woes of your kind 009:080;01[' ]| you raise none the less your head 009:080;01[' ]| from off your hands and open your 009:080;01[' ]| eyes. You turn on without moving 009:080;01[' ]| from your place the light above you. 009:080;01[' ]| Your eyes light on the watch lying 009:081;01[' ]| beneath it. But instead of reading the 009:081;01[' ]| hour of night they follow round and 009:081;01[' ]| round the second hand now followed 009:081;01[' ]| and now preceded by its shadow. 009:081;01[' ]| Hours later it seems to$4$ you as follows. 009:081;01[' ]| At 60 seconds and 30 seconds shadow 009:081;01[' ]| hidden by hand. From 60 to$4$ 30 009:081;01[' ]| shadow precedes hand at a distance 009:081;01[' ]| increasing from zero at 60 to$4$ maximum 009:081;01[' ]| at IS and thence decreasing to$4$ 009:081;01[' ]| new zero at 30. From 30 to$4$ 60 shadow 009:081;01[' ]| follows hand at a distance increasing 009:081;01[' ]| from zero at 30 to$4$ maximum at 45 009:081;01[' ]| and thence decreasing to$4$ new zero at 009:081;01[' ]| 60. Slant light now to$4$ dial by moving 009:081;01[' ]| either to$4$ either side and hand hides 009:081;01[' ]| shadow at two quite different points 009:081;01[' ]| as for example 50 and 20. Indeed at 009:082;01[' ]| any two quite different points whatever 009:082;01[' ]| depending on degree of slant. 009:082;01[' ]| But however great or small the slant 009:082;01[' ]| and more or less remote from initial 009:082;01[' ]| 60 and 30 the new points of zero 009:082;01[' ]| shadow the space between the two 009:082;01[' ]| remains one of 30 seconds. The 009:082;01[' ]| shadow emerges from under hand at 009:082;01[' ]| any point whatever of its circuit to$9$ 009:082;01[' ]| follow or precede it for the space of 009:082;01[' ]| 30 seconds. Then disappears infinitely 009:082;01[' ]| briefly before emerging again to$9$ 009:082;01[' ]| precede or follow it for the space of 009:082;01[' ]| 30 seconds again. And so on and on. 009:082;01[' ]| This would seem to$9$ be$1$ the one 009:082;01[' ]| constant. For the very distance itself 009:082;01[' ]| between hand and shadow varies as 009:082;01[' ]| the degree of slant. But however great 009:083;01[' ]| or small this distance it invariably 009:083;01[' ]| waxes and wanes from nothing to$4$ a 009:083;01[' ]| maximum 15 seconds later and to$4$ 009:083;01[' ]| nothing again 15 seconds later again 009:083;01[' ]| respectively. And so on and on. This 009:083;01[' ]| would seem to$9$ be$1$ a second constant. 009:083;01[' ]| More might have$1$ been observed on 009:083;01[' ]| the subject of this second hand and its 009:083;01[' ]| shadow in their seemingly endless 009:083;01[' ]| parallel rotation round and round the 009:083;01[' ]| dial and other variables and constants 009:083;01[' ]| brought to$4$ light and errors if any 009:083;01[' ]| corrected in what had seemed so far. 009:083;01[' ]| But unable to$9$ continue you bow your 009:083;01[' ]| head back to$4$ where it was and with 009:083;01[' ]| closed eyes return to$4$ the woes of your 009:083;01[' ]| kind. Dawn finds you still in this 009:083;01[' ]| position. The low sun shines on you 009:084;01[' ]| through the eastern window and 009:084;01[' ]| flings all along the floor your shadow 009:084;01[' ]| and that of the lamp left lit above you. 009:084;01[' ]| And those of other objects also. 009:084;01[' ]| 009:084;01[' ]| What visions in the dark of light! 009:084;01[' ]| Who exclaims thus? Who asks who 009:084;01[' ]| exclaims, What visions in the shadeless 009:084;01[' ]| dark of light and shade! Yet another 009:084;01[' ]| still? Devising it all for company. 009:084;01[' ]| What a further addition to$4$ company 009:084;01[' ]| that would be$1$! Yet another still 009:084;01[' ]| devising it all for company. Quick 009:084;01[' ]| leave him. 009:084;01[' ]| 009:084;01[' ]| Somehow at any price to$9$ make a 009:084;01[' ]| end when you could go out no more 009:084;01[' ]| you sat huddled in the dark. Having 009:085;01[' ]| covered in your day some twenty-five 009:085;01[' ]| thousand leagues or roughly thrice the 009:085;01[' ]| girdle. And never once overstepped a 009:085;01[' ]| radius of one from home. Home! So 009:085;01[' ]| sat waiting to$9$ be$1$ purged the old 009:085;01[' ]| lutist cause of Dante's first quarter-smile 009:085;01[' ]| and now perhaps singing praises 009:085;01[' ]| with some section of the blest at last. 009:085;01[' ]| To$4$ whom here in any case farewell. 009:085;01[' ]| The place is windowless. When as 009:085;01[' ]| you sometimes do to$9$ void the fluid 009:085;01[' ]| you open your eyes dark lessens. 009:085;01[' ]| Thus you now on your back in the 009:085;01[' ]| dark once sat huddled there your body 009:085;01[' ]| having shown you it could go out no 009:085;01[' ]| more. Out no more to$9$ walk the little 009:085;01[' ]| winding back roads and interjacent 009:085;01[' ]| pastures now alive with flocks and 009:086;01[' ]| now deserted. With at your elbow 009:086;01[' ]| for long years your father's shade in 009:086;01[' ]| his old tramping rags and then for 009:086;01[' ]| long years alone. Adding step after 009:086;01[' ]| step to$4$ the ever mounting sum of 009:086;01[' ]| those already accomplished. Halting 009:086;01[' ]| now and then with bowed head to$9$ 009:086;01[' ]| fix the score. Then on from nought 009:086;01[' ]| anew. Huddled thus you find yourself 009:086;01[' ]| imagining you are not alone while 009:086;01[' ]| knowing full well that nothing has 009:086;01[' ]| occurred to$9$ make this possible. The 009:086;01[' ]| process continues none the less lapped 009:086;01[' ]| as it were in its meaninglessness. You 009:086;01[' ]| do not murmur in so many words, 009:086;01[' ]| I know this doomed to$9$ fail and yet 009:086;01[' ]| persist. No. For the first personal and 009:086;01[' ]| 7a 7fortiori plural pronoun had never 009:087;01[' ]| any place in your vocabulary. But 009:087;01[' ]| without a word you view yourself to$4$ 009:087;01[' ]| this effect as you would a stranger 009:087;01[' ]| suffering say from Hodgkin's disease 009:087;01[' ]| or if you prefer Percival Pott's 009:087;01[' ]| surprised at prayer. From time to$4$ 009:087;01[' ]| time with unexpected grace you lie. 009:087;01[' ]| Simultaneously the various parts set 009:087;01[' ]| out. The arms unclasp the knees. The 009:087;01[' ]| head lifts. The legs start to$9$ straighten. 009:087;01[' ]| The trunk tilts backward. And 009:087;01[' ]| together these and countless others 009:087;01[' ]| continue on their respective ways till 009:087;01[' ]| they can go no further and together 009:087;01[' ]| come to$4$ rest. Supine now you resume 009:087;01[' ]| your fable where the act of lying cut 009:087;01[' ]| it short. And persist till the converse 009:087;01[' ]| operation cuts it short again. So in 009:088;01[' ]| the dark now huddled and now 009:088;01[' ]| supine you toil in vain. And just as 009:088;01[' ]| from the former position to$4$ the latter 009:088;01[' ]| the shift grows easier in time and 009:088;01[' ]| more alacrious so from the latter to$4$ 009:088;01[' ]| the former the reverse is true. Till 009:088;01[' ]| from the occasional relief it was 009:088;01[' ]| supineness becomes habitual and 009:088;01[' ]| finally the rule. You now on your 009:088;01[' ]| back in the dark shall not rise again to$9$ 009:088;01[' ]| clasp your legs in your arms and bow 009:088;01[' ]| down your head till it can bow down 009:088;01[' ]| no further. But with face upturned 009:088;01[' ]| for good labour in vain at your fable. 009:088;01[' ]| Till finally you hear how words are 009:088;01[' ]| coming to$4$ a end. With every inane 009:088;01[' ]| word a little nearer to$4$ the last. And 009:088;01[' ]| how the fable too. The fable of one 009:088;01[' ]| with you in the dark. The fable of 009:088;01[' ]| one fabling of one with you in the 009:088;01[' ]| dark. And how better in the end 009:088;01[' ]| labour lost and silence. And you as 009:088;01[' ]| you always were. 009:089;01[' ]| 009:089;01[' ]| Alone.