008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| 008:005;00[U ]| <1961 by Les Editions de Minuit, Paris, France.> 008:006;00[U ]| <1> 008:007;01@@@@@| 008:007;01[' ]| how it was I quote before Pim with Pim after Pim how it is 008:007;01[' ]| three parts I say it as I hear it 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| voice once without quaqua on all sides then in me when the 008:007;01[' ]| panting stops tell me again finish telling me invocation 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| past moments old dreams back again or fresh like those that 008:007;01[' ]| pass or things things always and memories I say them as I 008:007;01[' ]| hear them murmur them in the mud 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| in me that were without when the panting stops scraps of 008:007;01[' ]| a ancient voice in me not mine 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| my life last state last version ill-said ill-heard ill-recaptured 008:007;01[' ]| ill-murmured in the mud brief movements of the lower face 008:007;01[' ]| losses everywhere 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| recorded none the less it is preferable somehow somewhere 008:007;01[' ]| as it stands as it comes my life my moments not the millionth 008:007;01[' ]| part all lost nearly all someone listening another noting or 008:007;01[' ]| the same 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| here then part one how it was before Pim we follow I quote 008:007;01[' ]| the natural order more or less my life last state last version 008:007;01[' ]| what remains bits and scraps I hear it my life natural order 008:007;01[' ]| more or less I learn it I quote a given moment long past vast 008:007;01[' ]| stretch of time on from there that moment and following 008:007;01[' ]| not all selection natural order vast tracts of time 008:007;01[' ]| 008:007;01[' ]| part one before Pim how I got here no question not known 008:007;01[' ]| not said and the sack whence the sack and me if it is me no 008:007;01[' ]| question impossible too weak no importance 008:008;01[' ]| life life the other above in the light said to$9$ have$1$ been mine 008:008;01[' ]| on and off no going back up there no question no*one asking 008:008;01[' ]| that of me never there a few images on and off in the mud 008:008;01[' ]| earth sky a few creatures in the light some still standing 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| the sack sole good sole possession coal-sack to$4$ the feel small 008:008;01[' ]| or medium five stone six stone wet jute I clutch it it drips in 008:008;01[' ]| the present but long past long gone vast stretch of time the 008:008;01[' ]| beginning this life first sign very first of life 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| then on my elbow I quote I see me prop me up thrust in my 008:008;01[' ]| arm in the sack we are talking of the sack thrust it in count 008:008;01[' ]| the tins impossible with one hand keep trying one day it 008:008;01[' ]| will be$1$ possible 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| empty them out in the mud the tins put them back one by 008:008;01[' ]| one in the sack impossible too weak fear of loss 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| no appetite a crumb of tunny then mouldy eat mouldy no 008:008;01[' ]| need to$9$ worry I will not die I will never die of hunger 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| the tin broached put back in the sack or kept in the hand it is 008:008;01[' ]| one or the other I remember when appetite revives or I 008:008;01[' ]| forget open another it is one or the other something wrong 008:008;01[' ]| there it is the beginning of my life present formulation 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| other certainties the mud the dark I recapitulate the sack 008:008;01[' ]| the tins the mud the dark the silence the solitude nothing 008:008;01[' ]| else for the moment 008:008;01[' ]| 008:008;01[' ]| I see me on my face close my eyes not the blue the others at 008:008;01[' ]| the back and see me on my face the mouth opens the tongue 008:008;01[' ]| comes out lolls in the mud and no question of thirst either 008:009;01[' ]| no question of dying of thirst either all this time vast 008:009;01[' ]| stretch of time 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| life in the light first image some creature or other I watched 008:009;01[' ]| him after my fashion from afar through my spy-glass 008:009;01[' ]| side-long in mirrors through windows at night first image 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| saying to$4$ myself he is better than he was better than yesterday 008:009;01[' ]| day less ugly less stupid less cruel less dirty less old less 008:009;01[' ]| wretched and you saying to$4$ myself and you bad to$4$ worse 008:009;01[' ]| bad to$4$ worse steadily 008:009;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| or no worse saying to$4$ myself no worse you are no worse and 008:009;01[' ]| was worse 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| I pissed and shat another image in my crib never so clean 008:009;01[' ]| since 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| I scissored into slender strips the wings of butterflies first 008:009;01[' ]| one wing then the other sometimes for a change the two 008:009;01[' ]| abreast never so good since 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| that is all for the moment there I leave I hear it murmur it 008:009;01[' ]| to$4$ the mud there I leave for the moment life in the light it 008:009;01[' ]| goes out 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| on my face in the mud and the dark I see me it is a halt 008:009;01[' ]| nothing more I am journeying it is a rest nothing more 008:009;01[' ]| 008:009;01[' ]| questions if I were to$9$ lose the tin-opener there is another 008:009;01[' ]| object or when the sack is empty that family 008:010;01[' ]| abject abject ages each heroic seen from the next when will 008:010;01[' ]| the last come when was my golden every rat has its heyday 008:010;01[' ]| I say it as I hear it 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| knees drawn up back bent in a hoop I clasp the sack to$4$ my 008:010;01[' ]| belly I see me now on my side I clutch it the sack we are talking 008:010;01[' ]| of the sack with one hand behind my back I slip it under 008:010;01[' ]| my head without letting it go I never let it go 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| not fear I quote of losing it something else not known not 008:010;01[' ]| said when it is empty I will put my head in it then my shoulders 008:010;01[' ]| my crown will touch the bottom 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| another image so soon again a woman looks up looks at me 008:010;01[' ]| the images come at the beginning part one they will cease 008:010;01[' ]| I say it as I hear it murmur it in the mud the images part 008:010;01[' ]| one how it was before Pim I see them in the mud a light 008:010;01[' ]| goes on they will cease a woman I see her$6$ in the mud 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| she sits aloof ten yards fifteen yards she looks up looks at me 008:010;01[' ]| says at last to$4$ herself all is well he is working 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| my head where is my head it rests on the table my hand 008:010;01[' ]| trembles on the table she sees I am not sleeping the wind 008:010;01[' ]| blows tempestuous the little clouds drive before it the table 008:010;01[' ]| glides from light to$4$ darkness darkness to$4$ light 008:010;01[' ]| 008:010;01[' ]| that is not all she stoops to$4$ her$2$ work again the needle stops 008:010;01[' ]| in midstitch she straightens up and looks at me again she 008:010;01[' ]| has only to$9$ call me by my name get up come and feel me 008:010;01[' ]| but no 008:011;01[' ]| I do not move her$2$ anxiety grows she suddenly leaves the 008:011;01[' ]| house and runs to$4$ friends 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| that is all it was not a dream I did not dream that nor a memory 008:011;01[' ]| I have not been given memories this time it was a image the 008:011;01[' ]| kind I see sometimes see in the mud part one sometimes 008:011;01[' ]| saw 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| with the gesture of one dealing cards and also to$9$ be$1$ 008:011;01[' ]| observed among certain sowers of seed I throw away the 008:011;01[' ]| empty tins they fall without a sound 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| fall if I may believe those I sometimes find on my way and 008:011;01[' ]| then make haste to$9$ throw away again 008:011;01[' ]| warmth of primeval mud impenetrable dark 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| suddenly like all that was not then is I go not because of the 008:011;01[' ]| shit and vomit something else not known not said whence 008:011;01[' ]| preparatives sudden series subject object subject object 008:011;01[' ]| quick succession and away 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| take the cord from the sack there is another object tie the 008:011;01[' ]| neck of the sack hang it from my neck knowing I will need 008:011;01[' ]| both hands or else instinct it is one or the other and away 008:011;01[' ]| right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards halt 008:011;01[' ]| 008:011;01[' ]| in the sack then up to$4$ now the tins the opener the cord but 008:011;01[' ]| the wish for something else no that does not seem to$9$ have$1$ 008:011;01[' ]| been given to$4$ me this time the image of other things with 008:011;01[' ]| me there in the mud the dark in the sack within reach no 008:011;01[' ]| that does not seem to$9$ have$1$ been put in my life this time 008:012;01[' ]| useful things a cloth to$9$ wipe me that family or beautiful to$4$ 008:012;01[' ]| the feel 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| which having sought in vain among the tins now one now 008:012;01[' ]| another in obedience to$4$ the wish the image of the moment 008:012;01[' ]| which when weary of seeking thus I could promise myself 008:012;01[' ]| to$9$ seek again a little later when less weary a little less or try 008:012;01[' ]| and banish from my thoughts saying true true think no 008:012;01[' ]| more about it 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| no the wish to$9$ be$1$ less wretched a little less the wish for a 008:012;01[' ]| little beauty no when the panting stops I hear nothing of 008:012;01[' ]| the kind that is not how I am told this time 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| nor callers in my life this time no wish for callers hastening 008:012;01[' ]| from all sides all sorts to$9$ talk to$4$ me about themselves life 008:012;01[' ]| too and death as though nothing had happened me perhaps 008:012;01[' ]| too in the end to$9$ help me last then goodbye till we 008:012;01[' ]| meet again each back the way he came 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| all sorts old men how they had dandled me on their knees 008:012;01[' ]| little bundle of swaddle and lace then followed in my 008:012;01[' ]| career 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| others knowing nothing of my beginnings save what they 008:012;01[' ]| could glean by hearsay or in public records nothing of my 008:012;01[' ]| beginnings in life 008:012;01[' ]| 008:012;01[' ]| others who had always known me here in my last place they 008:012;01[' ]| talk to$4$ me of themselves of me perhaps too in the end of 008:012;01[' ]| fleeting joys and of sorrows of empires that are born and die 008:012;01[' ]| as though nothing had happened 008:013;01[' ]| others finally who do not know me yet they pass with heavy 008:013;01[' ]| tread murmuring to$4$ themselves they have sought refuge in 008:013;01[' ]| a desert place to$9$ be$1$ alone at last and vent their sorrows 008:013;01[' ]| unheard 008:013;01[' ]| 008:013;01[' ]| if they see me I am a monster of the solitudes he sees man 008:013;01[' ]| for the first time and does not flee before him explorers bring 008:013;01[' ]| home his skin among their trophies 008:013;01[' ]| 008:013;01[' ]| suddenly afar the step the voice nothing then suddenly 008:013;01[' ]| something something then suddenly nothing suddenly afar 008:013;01[' ]| the silence 008:013;01[' ]| 008:013;01[' ]| life then without callers present formulation no callers this 008:013;01[' ]| time no stories but mine no silence but the silence I must 008:013;01[' ]| break when I can bear it no more it is with that I have 008:013;01[' ]| to$9$ last 008:013;01[' ]| 008:013;01[' ]| question if other inhabitants here with me yes or no 008:013;01[' ]| obviously all-important most important and thereupon long 008:013;01[' ]| wrangle so minute that moments when yes to$9$ be$1$ feared till 008:013;01[' ]| finally conclusion no me sole elect the panting stops and 008:013;01[' ]| that is all I hear barely hear the question the answer barely 008:013;01[' ]| audible if other inhabitants besides me here with me for 008:013;01[' ]| good in the dark the mud long wrangle all lost and finally 008:013;01[' ]| conclusion no me sole elect 008:013;01[' ]| 008:013;01[' ]| and yet a dream I am given a dream like someone having 008:013;01[' ]| tasted of love of a little woman within my reach and dreaming 008:013;01[' ]| too it is in the dream too of a little man within hers I 008:013;01[' ]| have that in my life this time sometimes part one as I 008:013;01[' ]| journey 008:014;01[' ]| or failing kindred meat a llama emergency dream a alpaca 008:014;01[' ]| llama the history I knew my God the natural 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| she would not come to$4$ me I would go to$4$ her$2$ huddle in her$2$ 008:014;01[' ]| fleece but they add no a beast here no the soul is 8de 8rigueur 008:014;01[' ]| the mind too a minimum of each otherwise too great a 008:014;01[' ]| honour 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| I turn to$4$ the hand that is free draw it to$4$ my face it is a 008:014;01[' ]| resource when all fails images dreams sleep food for thought 008:014;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| when the great needs fail the need to$9$ move on the need 008:014;01[' ]| to$9$ shit and vomit and the other great needs all my great 008:014;01[' ]| categories of being 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| then to$4$ my hand that is free rather than some other part I 008:014;01[' ]| say it as I hear it brief movements of the lower face with 008:014;01[' ]| murmur to$4$ the mud 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| it comes close to$4$ my eyes I do not see it I close my eyes 008:014;01[' ]| something is lacking whereas normally closed or open my 008:014;01[' ]| eyes 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| if that is not enough I flutter it my hand we are talking of my 008:014;01[' ]| hand ten seconds fifteen seconds close my eyes a curtain 008:014;01[' ]| falls 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| if that is not enough I lay it on my face it covers it entirely 008:014;01[' ]| but I do not like to$9$ touch myself they have not left me that 008:014;01[' ]| this time 008:014;01[' ]| 008:014;01[' ]| I call it it does not come I can not live without it I call it 008:014;01[' ]| with all my strength it is not strong enough I grow 008:015;01[' ]| mortal again 008:015;01@@@@@| 008:015;01[' ]| my memory obviously the panting stops and question of 008:015;01[' ]| my memory obviously that too all-important too most 008:015;01[' ]| important this voice is truly changeable of which so little left 008:015;01[' ]| in me bits and scraps barely audible when the panting stops 008:015;01[' ]| so little so faint not the millionth part I say it as I hear it 008:015;01[' ]| murmur it to$4$ the mud every word always 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| what about it my memory we are talking of my memory not 008:015;01[' ]| much that it is getting better that it is getting worse that 008:015;01[' ]| things are coming back to$4$ me nothing is coming back to$4$ me 008:015;01[' ]| but to$9$ conclude from that 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| to$9$ conclude from that that no*one will ever come again 008:015;01[' ]| and shine his light on me and nothing ever again of other 008:015;01[' ]| days other nights no 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| next another image yet another so soon again the third 008:015;01[' ]| perhaps they will soon cease it is me all of me and my mother's 008:015;01[' ]| face I see it from below it is like nothing I ever saw 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| we are on a veranda smothered in verbena the scented sun 008:015;01[' ]| dapples the red tiles yes I assure you 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| the huge head hatted with birds and flowers is bowed down 008:015;01[' ]| over my curls the eyes burn with severe love I offer her$6$ 008:015;01[' ]| mine pale upcast to$4$ the sky whence cometh our help and 008:015;01[' ]| which I know perhaps even then with time shall pass 008:015;01[' ]| away 008:015;01[' ]| 008:015;01[' ]| in a word bolt upright on a cushion on my knees whelmed 008:015;01[' ]| in a nightshirt I pray according to$4$ her$2$ instructions 008:016;01[' ]| that is not all she closes her$2$ eyes and drones a snatch of the 008:016;01[' ]| so-called Apostles' Creed I steal a look at her$2$ lips 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| she stops her$2$ eyes burn down on me again I cast up mine in 008:016;01[' ]| haste and repeat awry 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| the air thrills with the hum of insects 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| that is all it goes out like a lamp blown out 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| the space of a moment the passing moment that is all my 008:016;01[' ]| past little rat at my heels the rest false 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| false that old time part one how it was before Pim vast 008:016;01[' ]| stretch of time when I drag myself and drag myself astonished 008:016;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ able the cord sawing my neck the sack jolting 008:016;01[' ]| at my side one hand flung forward towards the wall the 008:016;01[' ]| ditch that never come something wrong there 008:016;01[' ]| and Pim part two what I did to$4$ him what he said to$4$ me 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| false like that dead head the hand alive still the little table 008:016;01[' ]| tossing in the clouds the woman jumping to$4$ her$2$ feet and 008:016;01[' ]| rushing out into the wind 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| no matter I do not say$1$ any more I quote on is it me is it me 008:016;01[' ]| I am not like that any more they have taken that away from 008:016;01[' ]| me this time all I say is how last how last 008:016;01[' ]| 008:016;01[' ]| part one before Pim before the discovery of Pim have done 008:016;01[' ]| with that leaving only part two with Pim how it was then 008:016;01[' ]| leaving only part three after Pim how it was then how it is 008:016;01[' ]| vast tracts of time 008:017;01[' ]| my sack sole variable my days my nights my seasons and 008:017;01[' ]| my feasts it says Lent everlasting then of a sudden 008:017;01[' ]| Hallowmas no summer that year if it is the same not much 008:017;01[' ]| real spring my sack thanks to$4$ my sack that I keep dying in 008:017;01[' ]| a dying age 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| my tins all sorts dwindling but not so fast as appetite 008:017;01[' ]| different shapes no preference but the fingers know no sooner 008:017;01[' ]| fastened at random 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| dwindling in what strange wise but what is strange here 008:017;01[' ]| undiminished for years then of a sudden half as many 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| these words of those for whom and under whom and all 008:017;01[' ]| about the earth turns and all turns these words here again 008:017;01[' ]| days nights years seasons that family 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| the fingers deceived the mouth resigned to$4$ a olive and 008:017;01[' ]| given a cherry but no preference no searching not even for 008:017;01[' ]| a language meet for me meet for here no more searching 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| the sack when it is empty my sack a possession this word 008:017;01[' ]| faintly hissing brief void and finally apposition anomaly 008:017;01[' ]| anomaly a sack here my sack when it is empty bah I have 008:017;01[' ]| lashings of time centuries of time 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| centuries I can see me quite tiny the same as now more or 008:017;01[' ]| less only tinier quite tiny no more objects no more food and 008:017;01[' ]| I live the air sustains me the mud I live on 008:017;01[' ]| 008:017;01[' ]| the sack again other connexions I take it in my arms talk 008:017;01[' ]| to$4$ it put my head in it rub my cheek on it lay my lips on it 008:017;01[' ]| turn my back on it turn to$4$ it again clasp it to$4$ me again say 008:017;01[' ]| to$4$ it thou thou 008:018;01[' ]| say say part one no sound the syllables move my lips and 008:018;01[' ]| all around all the lower that helps me understand 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| that is the speech I have been given part one before Pim question 008:018;01[' ]| do I use it freely it is not said or I do not hear it is one or 008:018;01[' ]| the other all I hear is that a witness I would need a witness 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| he lives bent over me that is the life he has been given all my 008:018;01[' ]| visible surface bathing in the light of his lamps when I go 008:018;01[' ]| he follows me bent in two 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| his aid sits a little aloof he announces brief movements of 008:018;01[' ]| the lower face the aid enters it in his ledger 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| my hand will not come words will not come no word not even 008:018;01[' ]| soundless I am in need of a word of my hand dire need I 008:018;01[' ]| can not they will not that too 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| deterioration of the sense of humour fewer tears too that 008:018;01[' ]| too they are failing too and there another image yet another 008:018;01[' ]| a boy sitting on a bed in the dark or a small old man I can not 008:018;01[' ]| see with his head be it young or be it old his head in his 008:018;01[' ]| hands I appropriate that heart 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| question am I happy in the present still such ancient things 008:018;01[' ]| a little happy on and off part one before Pim brief void and 008:018;01[' ]| barely audible no no I would feel it and brief apostil barely 008:018;01[' ]| audible not made not really for happiness unhappiness 008:018;01[' ]| peace of mind 008:018;01[' ]| 008:018;01[' ]| rats no no rats this time I have sickened them what else at this 008:018;01[' ]| period part one before Pim vast stretch of time 008:019;01[' ]| the hand dips clawing for the take instead of the familiar 008:019;01[' ]| slime a arse on his belly he too before that what else that is 008:019;01[' ]| enough I am going 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| not the shit not the vomit something else I am going the sack 008:019;01[' ]| tied to$4$ my neck I am ready first thing free play for the leg 008:019;01[' ]| which leg brief void and barely audible the right it is 008:019;01[' ]| preferable 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| I turn on my side which side the left it is preferable throw 008:019;01[' ]| the right hand forward bend the right knee these joints are 008:019;01[' ]| working the fingers sink the toes sink in the slime these are 008:019;01[' ]| my holds too strong slime is too strong holds is too strong 008:019;01[' ]| say it as I hear it 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| push pull the leg straightens the arm bends all these join 008:019;01[' ]| are working the head arrives alongside the hand flat on the 008:019;01[' ]| face and rest 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| the other side left leg left arm push pull the head and upper 008:019;01[' ]| trunk rise clear reducing friction correspondingly fall back 008:019;01[' ]| I crawl in a amble ten yards fifteen yards halt 008:019;01[' ]| sleep duration of sleep I wake how much nearer the last 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| a fancy I am given a fancy the panting stops and a breath-clock 008:019;01[' ]| breath of life head in the bag oxygen for half a hour 008:019;01[' ]| wake when you choke repeat five times six times that is 008:019;01[' ]| enough now I know I am rested my strength restored the day 008:019;01[' ]| can begin these scraps barely audible of a fantasy 008:019;01[' ]| 008:019;01[' ]| always sleepy little sleep that is how they are trying to$9$ tell 008:019;01[' ]| me this time sucked down spewed up yawning yawning 008:020;01[' ]| always sleepy little sleep 008:020;01[' ]| 008:020;01[' ]| this voice once quaqua then in me when the panting stops 008:020;01[' ]| part three after Pim not before not with I have journeyed 008:020;01[' ]| found Pim lost Pim it is over I am in part three after Pim 008:020;01[' ]| how it was how it is I say it as I hear it natural order more 008:020;01[' ]| or less bits and scraps in the mud my life murmur it to$4$ the 008:020;01[' ]| mud 008:020;01[' ]| 008:020;01[' ]| I learn it natural order more or less before Pim with Pim 008:020;01[' ]| vast tracts of time how it was my vanished life then after 008:020;01[' ]| then now after Pim how it is my life bits and scraps 008:020;01[' ]| 008:020;01[' ]| I say it my life as it comes natural order my lips move I can 008:020;01[' ]| feel them it comes out in the mud my life what remains ill-said 008:020;01[' ]| ill-recaptured when the panting stops ill-murmured to$4$ 008:020;01[' ]| the mud in the present all that things so ancient natural 008:020;01[' ]| order the journey the couple the abandon all that in the 008:020;01[' ]| present barely audible bits and scraps 008:020;01[' ]| 008:020;01[' ]| I have journeyed found Pim lost Pim it is over that life those 008:020;01[' ]| periods of that life first second now third pant pant the 008:020;01[' ]| panting stops and I hear barely audible how I journey with 008:020;01[' ]| my sack my tins in the dark the mud crawl in a amble towards 008:020;01[' ]| Pim unwitting bits and scraps in the present things 008:020;01[' ]| so ancient hear them murmur them as they come barely 008:020;01[' ]| audible to$4$ the mud 008:020;01[' ]| 008:020;01[' ]| part one before Pim the journey it can not last it lasts I am calm 008:020;01[' ]| calmer you think you are calm and you are not in the lowest 008:020;01[' ]| depths and you are on the edge I say it as I hear it and that 008:020;01[' ]| death death if it ever comes that is all it dies 008:021;01[' ]| it dies and I see a crocus in a pot in a area in a basement 008:021;01[' ]| a saffron the sun creeps up the wall a hand keeps it in the 008:021;01[' ]| sun this yellow flower with a string I see the hand long 008:021;01[' ]| image hours long the sun goes the pot goes down lights on 008:021;01[' ]| the ground the hand goes the wall goes 008:021;01[' ]| 008:021;01[' ]| rags of life in the light I hear and do not deny do not believe 008:021;01[' ]| do not say$1$ any more who is speaking that is not said any more 008:021;01[' ]| it must have$1$ ceased to$9$ be$1$ of interest but words like now 008:021;01[' ]| before Pim no no that is not said only mine my words mine 008:021;01[' ]| alone one or two soundless brief movements all the lower 008:021;01[' ]| no sound when I can that is the difference great confusion 008:021;01[' ]| 008:021;01[' ]| I see all sizes life included if that is mine the light goes on 008:021;01[' ]| in the mud the prayer the head on the table the crocus the 008:021;01[' ]| old man in tears the tears behind the hands skies all sorts 008:021;01[' ]| different sorts on land and sea blue of a sudden gold and 008:021;01[' ]| green of the earth of a sudden in the mud 008:021;01[' ]| 008:021;01[' ]| but words like now words not mine before Pim no no that is 008:021;01[' ]| not said that is the difference I hear it between then and now 008:021;01[' ]| one of the differences among the similarities 008:021;01[' ]| 008:021;01[' ]| the words of Pim his extorted voice he stops I step in all the 008:021;01[' ]| needful he starts again I could listen to$4$ him for*ever but 008:021;01[' ]| mine have done with mine natural order before Pim the 008:021;01[' ]| little I say no sound the little I see of a life I do not deny do not 008:021;01[' ]| believe but what believe the sack perhaps the dark the mud 008:021;01[' ]| death perhaps to$9$ wind up with after so much life there are 008:021;01[' ]| moments 008:021;01[' ]| 008:021;01[' ]| how I got here if it is me no question too weak no 008:022;01[' ]| interest but here this place where I begin this time present 008:022;01[' ]| formulation part one my life clutch the sack it drips first sign this 008:022;01[' ]| place a few scraps 008:022;01[' ]| 008:022;01[' ]| you are there somewhere alive somewhere vast stretch of 008:022;01[' ]| time then it is over you are there no more alive no more then 008:022;01[' ]| again you are there again alive again it was not over a error 008:022;01[' ]| you begin again all over more or less in the same place or in 008:022;01[' ]| another as when another image above in the light you come 008:022;01[' ]| to$5$ in hospital in the dark 008:022;01@@@@@| 008:022;01[' ]| the same as which which place it is not said or I do not hear 008:022;01[' ]| it is one or the other the same more or less more humid fewer 008:022;01[' ]| gleams no gleam what does that mean that I was once somewhere 008:022;01[' ]| where where there were gleams I say it as I hear it every 008:022;01[' ]| word always 008:022;01[' ]| 008:022;01[' ]| more humid fewer gleams no gleam and hushed the dear 008:022;01[' ]| sounds pretext for speculation I must have$1$ slipped you are 008:022;01[' ]| in the depths it is the end you have ceased you slip you continue 008:022;01[' ]| 008:022;01[' ]| another age yet another familiar in spite of its strangenesses 008:022;01[' ]| this sack this slime the mild air the black dark the coloured 008:022;01[' ]| images the power to$9$ crawl all these strangenesses 008:022;01[' ]| 008:022;01[' ]| but progress properly so called ruins in prospect as in the 008:022;01[' ]| dear tenth century the dear twentieth that you might say$1$ 008:022;01[' ]| to$4$ yourself to$4$ a dream greenhorn ah if you had seen it four 008:022;01[' ]| hundred years ago what upheavals 008:022;01[' ]| 008:022;01[' ]| ah my young friend this sack if you had seen it I could 008:022;01[' ]| hardly drag it and now look my vertex touches the 008:023;01[' ]| bottom 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| and I not a wrinkle not one 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| at the end of the myriads of hours a hour mine a quarter 008:023;01[' ]| of a hour there are moments it is because I have suffered 008:023;01[' ]| must have$1$ suffered morally hoped more than once despaired 008:023;01[' ]| to$9$ match your heart bleeds you lose your heart drop 008:023;01[' ]| by drop weep even a odd tear inward no sound no more 008:023;01[' ]| images no more journeys no more hunger or thirst the heart 008:023;01[' ]| is going you will soon be$1$ there I hear it there are moments they 008:023;01[' ]| are good moments 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| paradise before the hoping from sleep I come to$9$ sleep return 008:023;01[' ]| between the two there is all all the doing suffering 008:023;01[' ]| failing bungling achieving until the mud yawns again that is 008:023;01[' ]| how they are trying to$9$ tell me this time part one before Pim 008:023;01[' ]| from one sleep to$4$ the next 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| then Pim the lost tins the groping hand the arse the two 008:023;01[' ]| cries mine mute the birth of hope on with it get it over have 008:023;01[' ]| it behind me feel the heart going hear it said you are nearly 008:023;01[' ]| there 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| be with Pim have been with Pim have him behind me hear 008:023;01[' ]| it said he will come back another will come better than Pim 008:023;01[' ]| he is coming right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen 008:023;01[' ]| yards you stay quiet where you are in the dark the mud and 008:023;01[' ]| on you suddenly a hand like yours on Pim two cries his 008:023;01[' ]| mute 008:023;01[' ]| 008:023;01[' ]| you will have$1$ a little voice it will be$1$ barely audible you will 008:023;01[' ]| whisper in his ear you will have$1$ a little life you will whisper 008:023;01[' ]| it in his ear it will be$1$ different quite different quite a different 008:024;01[' ]| music you will see a little like Pim a little life music but in 008:024;01[' ]| your mouth it will be$1$ new to$4$ you 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| then go for good and no goodbyes that age will be$1$ over all 008:024;01[' ]| the ages or merely you no more journeys no more couples 008:024;01[' ]| no more abandons ever again anywhere hear that 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| how it was before Pim first say that natural order the same 008:024;01[' ]| things the same things say them as I hear them murmur 008:024;01[' ]| them to$4$ the mud divide into three a single eternity for the 008:024;01[' ]| sake of clarity I wake and off I go all life part one before Pim 008:024;01[' ]| how it was leaving only with Pim how it was leaving only 008:024;01[' ]| after Pim how it was how it is when the panting stops bits 008:024;01[' ]| and scraps I wake off I go my day my life part one bits and 008:024;01[' ]| scraps 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| asleep I see me asleep on my side or on my face it is one or 008:024;01[' ]| the other on my side it is preferable which side the right it is 008:024;01[' ]| preferable the sack under my head or clasped to$4$ my belly 008:024;01[' ]| clasped to$4$ my belly the knees drawn up the back bent in a 008:024;01[' ]| hoop the tiny head near the knees curled round the sack 008:024;01[' ]| Belacqua fallen over on his side tired of waiting forgotten of 008:024;01[' ]| the hearts where grace abides asleep 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| I know not what insect wound round its treasure I come 008:024;01[' ]| back with empty hands to$4$ me to$4$ my place what to$9$ begin 008:024;01[' ]| with ask myself that last a moment with that 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| what to$9$ begin my long day my life present formulation last 008:024;01[' ]| a moment with that coiled round my treasure listening my 008:024;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ to$9$ murmur that 008:024;01[' ]| 008:024;01[' ]| twenty years a hundred years not a sound and I listen not a 008:024;01[' ]| gleam and I strain my eyes four hundred times my only season 008:025;01[' ]| I clasp the sack closer to$4$ me a tin clinks first respite 008:025;01[' ]| very first from the silence of this black sap 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| the mud never cold never dry it does not dry on me the air 008:025;01[' ]| laden with warm vapour of water or some other liquid I 008:025;01[' ]| sniff the air smell nothing a hundred years not a smell I 008:025;01[' ]| sniff the air 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| nothing dries I clutch the sack first real sign of life it drips a 008:025;01[' ]| tin clinks my hair never dry no electricity impossible fluff it 008:025;01[' ]| up I comb it that can happen there is another object straight 008:025;01[' ]| back there is another of my resources was once not now any 008:025;01[' ]| more part three there is another difference 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| the morale at the outset before things got out of hand 008:025;01[' ]| satisfactory ah the soul I had in those days the equanimity that is 008:025;01[' ]| why they gave me a companion 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| it is still my day part one before Pim my life present formulation 008:025;01[' ]| the very beginning bits and scraps I come back to$4$ me to$4$ 008:025;01[' ]| my place in the dark the mud clutch the sack a tin clinks I 008:025;01[' ]| make ready I am going end of the journey 008:025;01[' ]| 008:025;01[' ]| to$9$ speak of happiness one hesitates those awful syllables 008:025;01[' ]| first asparagus burst abscess but good moments yes I assure 008:025;01[' ]| you before Pim with Pim after Pim vast tracts of time good 008:025;01[' ]| moments say what I may less good too they must be$1$ expected 008:025;01[' ]| I hear it I murmur it no sooner heard dear scraps 008:025;01[' ]| recorded somewhere it is preferable someone listening another 008:025;01[' ]| noting or the same never a plaint a odd tear inward 008:025;01[' ]| no sound a pearl vast tracts of time natural order 008:026;01[' ]| suddenly like all that happens to$9$ be$1$ hanging on by the 008:026;01[' ]| finger-nails to$4$ one's species that of those who laugh too 008:026;01[' ]| soon alpine image or speluncar atrocious moment it is here 008:026;01[' ]| words have their utility the mud is mute 008:026;01[' ]| 008:026;01[' ]| here then this ordeal before I go right leg right arm push 008:026;01[' ]| pull ten yards fifteen yards towards Pim unwitting before 008:026;01[' ]| that a tin clinks I fall last a moment with that 008:026;01[' ]| 008:026;01[' ]| enough indeed nearly enough when you come to$9$ think of it 008:026;01[' ]| to$9$ make you laugh feel yourself falling and hang on with a 008:026;01[' ]| squeak brief movements of the lower face no sound if you 008:026;01[' ]| could come to$9$ think of it of what you nearly lost and the 008:026;01[' ]| this splendid mud the panting stops and I hear it barely 008:026;01[' ]| audible enough to$9$ make you laugh soon and late if you 008:026;01[' ]| could come to$9$ think of it 008:026;01[' ]| 008:026;01[' ]| escape hiss it is air of the little that is left of the little whereby 008:026;01[' ]| man continues standing laughing weeping and speaking 008:026;01[' ]| his mind nothing physical the health is not in jeopardy a 008:026;01[' ]| word from me and I am again I strain with open mouth so as 008:026;01[' ]| not to$9$ lose a second a fart fraught with meaning issuing 008:026;01[' ]| through the mouth no sound in the mud 008:026;01[' ]| 008:026;01[' ]| it comes the word we are talking of words I have some still 008:026;01[' ]| it would seem at my disposal at this period one is enough 008:026;01[' ]| aha signifying mamma impossible with open mouth it 008:026;01[' ]| comes I let it at once or in extremis or between the two 008:026;01[' ]| there is room to$9$ spare aha signifying mamma or some other 008:026;01[' ]| thing some other sound barely audible signifying some 008:026;01[' ]| other thing no matter the first to$9$ come and restore me to$4$ 008:026;01[' ]| my dignity 008:027;01[' ]| passing time is told to$4$ me and time past vast tracts of time 008:027;01[' ]| the panting stops and scraps of a enormous tale as hear 008:027;01[' ]| so murmured to$4$ this mud which is told to$4$ me natural order 008:027;01[' ]| part three it is there I have my life 008:027;01[' ]| 008:027;01[' ]| my life natural order more or less in the present more or less 008:027;01[' ]| part one before Pim how it was things so ancient the journey 008:027;01[' ]| last stage I come back to$4$ me to$4$ my place clutch the sack 008:027;01[' ]| drips a tin clinks loss of species one word no sound it is the 008:027;01[' ]| beginning of my life present formulation I can go pursue 008:027;01[' ]| my life it will still be$1$ a man 008:027;01[' ]| 008:027;01[' ]| what to$9$ begin with drink to$9$ begin with I turn over on my 008:027;01[' ]| face that lasts a good moment I last with that a moment 008:027;01[' ]| the end the mouth opens the tongue comes out lolls in the 008:027;01[' ]| mud that lasts a good moment they are good moments perhaps 008:027;01[' ]| the best difficult to$9$ choose the face in the mud the 008:027;01[' ]| mouth open the mud in the mouth thirst abating human 008:027;01[' ]| regained 008:027;01[' ]| 008:027;01[' ]| sometimes in this position a fine image fine I mean in movement 008:027;01[' ]| and colour blue and white of clouds in the wind sometimes 008:027;01[' ]| some days this time as it happens this day in the mud 008:027;01[' ]| a fine image I will describe it it will be$1$ described then go right 008:027;01[' ]| leg right arm push pull towards Pim he does not exist 008:027;01[' ]| 008:027;01[' ]| sometimes in this position I fall asleep again the tongue 008:027;01[' ]| in the mouth closes the mud opens it is I who fall asleep 008:027;01[' ]| again stop drinking and sleep again or the tongue out 008:027;01[' ]| drink all night all the time I sleep that is my night present 008:027;01[' ]| formulation I have no other I wake from sleep how much 008:027;01[' ]| nearer to$4$ the last that of men of beasts too I wake ask 008:027;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| myself how much nearer I quote on last a moment with that 008:028;01[' ]| it is another of my resources 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| the tongue gets clogged with mud that can happen too only 008:028;01[' ]| one remedy then pull it in and suck it swallow the mud or 008:028;01[' ]| spit it out it is one or the other and question is it nourishing 008:028;01[' ]| and vistas last a moment with that 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| I fill my mouth with it that can happen too it is another of 008:028;01[' ]| my resources last a moment with that and question if swallowed 008:028;01[' ]| would it nourish and opening up of vistas they are 008:028;01[' ]| good moments 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| rosy in the mud the tongue lolls out again what are the 008:028;01[' ]| hands at all this time one must always try and see what the 008:028;01[' ]| hands are up to$4$ well the left as we have seen still clutches 008:028;01[' ]| the sack and the right 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| the right I close my eyes not the blue the others at the 008:028;01[' ]| back and finally make it out way off on the right at the end 008:028;01[' ]| of its arm full stretch in the axis of the clavicle I say it as I 008:028;01[' ]| hear it opening and closing in the mud opening and closing 008:028;01[' ]| it is another of my resources it helps me 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| it can not be$1$ far a bare yard it feels far it will go some day on 008:028;01[' ]| its four fingers having lost its thumb something wrong there 008:028;01[' ]| it will leave me I can see it close my eyes the others and see 008:028;01[' ]| it how it throws its four fingers forward like grapnels the 008:028;01[' ]| ends sink pull and so with little horizontal hoists it moves 008:028;01[' ]| away it is a help to$9$ go like that piecemeal it helps me 008:028;01[' ]| 008:028;01[' ]| and the legs and the eyes the blue closed no doubt no since 008:028;01[' ]| suddenly another image the last there in the mud I say it as 008:028;01[' ]| I hear it I see me 008:029;01[' ]| I look to$4$ me about sixteen and to$9$ crown all glorious weather 008:029;01[' ]| egg-blue sky and scamper of little clouds I have my back 008:029;01[' ]| turned to$4$ me and the girl too whom I hold who holds me by 008:029;01[' ]| the hand the arse I have 008:029;01@@@@@| 008:029;01[' ]| we are if I may believe the colours that deck the emerald 008:029;01[' ]| grass if I may believe them we are old dream of flowers and 008:029;01[' ]| seasons we are in April or in May and certain accessories if I 008:029;01[' ]| may believe them white rails a grandstand colour of old rose 008:029;01[' ]| we are on a racecourse in April or in May 008:029;01[' ]| 008:029;01[' ]| heads high we gaze I imagine we have I imagine our eyes 008:029;01[' ]| open and gaze before us still as statues save only the 008:029;01[' ]| swinging arms those with hands clasped what else 008:029;01[' ]| 008:029;01[' ]| in my free hand or left a undefinable object and consequently 008:029;01[' ]| in her$2$ right the extremity of a short leash connecting 008:029;01[' ]| her$6$ to$4$ a ash-grey dog of fair size askew on its hunkers 008:029;01[' ]| its head sunk stillness of those hands 008:029;01[' ]| 008:029;01[' ]| question why a leash in this immensity of verdure and 008:029;01[' ]| emergence little by little of grey and white spots lambs 008:029;01[' ]| little by little among their dams what else the bluey bulk 008:029;01[' ]| closing the scene three miles four miles of a mountain 008:029;01[' ]| modest elevation our heads overtop the crest 008:029;01[' ]| 008:029;01[' ]| we let go our hands and turn about I dextrogyre she sinistro 008:029;01[' ]| she transfers the leash to$4$ her$2$ left hand and I the same 008:029;01[' ]| instant to$4$ my right the object now a little pale grey brick the 008:029;01[' ]| empty hands mimgle the arms swing the dog has not moved 008:029;01[' ]| I have the impression we are looking at me I pull in my 008:029;01[' ]| tongue close my mouth and smile 008:029;01[' ]| 008:029;01[' ]| seen full face the girl is less hideous it is not with her$6$ I am concerned 008:030;01[' ]| me pale staring hair red pudding face with pimples 008:030;01[' ]| protruding belly gaping fly spindle legs sagging knocking 008:030;01[' ]| at the knees wide astraddle for greater stability feet 008:030;01[' ]| splayed one hundred and thirty degrees fatuous half-smile 008:030;01[' ]| to$4$ posterior horizon figuring the morn of life green tweeds 008:030;01[' ]| yellow boots all those colours cowslip or suchlike in the 008:030;01[' ]| buttonhole 008:030;01[' ]| 008:030;01[' ]| again about turn introrse at ninety degrees fleeting face 008:030;01[' ]| to$4$ face transfer of things mingling of hands swinging of 008:030;01[' ]| arms stillness of dog the rump I have 008:030;01[' ]| 008:030;01[' ]| suddenly yip left right off we go chins up arms swinging 008:030;01[' ]| the dog follows head sunk tail on balls no reference to$4$ us 008:030;01[' ]| it had the same notion at the same instant Malebranche less 008:030;01[' ]| the rosy hue the humanities I had if it stops to$9$ piss it will piss 008:030;01[' ]| without stopping I shout no sound plant her$6$ there and run 008:030;01[' ]| cut your throat 008:030;01[' ]| 008:030;01[' ]| brief black and there we are again on the summit the dog 008:030;01[' ]| askew on its hunkers in the heather it lowers its snout to$4$ 008:030;01[' ]| its black and pink penis too tired to$9$ lick it we on the 008:030;01[' ]| contrary again about turn introrse fleeting face to$4$ face transfer 008:030;01[' ]| of things swinging of arms silent relishing of sea and isles 008:030;01[' ]| heads pivoting as one to$4$ the city fumes silent location of 008:030;01[' ]| steeples and towers heads back front as though on a 008:030;01[' ]| axle 008:030;01[' ]| 008:030;01[' ]| suddenly we are eating sandwiches alternate bites I mine 008:030;01[' ]| she hers and exchanging endearments my sweet girl I bite 008:030;01[' ]| she swallows my sweet boy she bites I swallow we do not 008:030;01[' ]| yet coo with our bills full 008:031;01[' ]| my darling girl I bite she swallows my darling boy she bites 008:031;01[' ]| I swallow brief black and there we are again dwindling 008:031;01[' ]| again across the pastures hand in hand arms swinging heads 008:031;01[' ]| high towards the heights smaller and smaller out of sight 008:031;01[' ]| first the do$0$ then us the scene is shut of us 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| some animals still the sheep like granite outcrops a horse 008:031;01[' ]| I had not seen standing motionless back bent head sunk 008:031;01[' ]| animals know 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| blue and white of sky a moment still April morning in the 008:031;01[' ]| mud it is over it is done I have had the image the scene is empty 008:031;01[' ]| a few animals still then goes out no more blue I stay 008:031;01[' ]| there 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| way off on the right in the mud the hand opens and closes 008:031;01[' ]| that helps me it is going let it go I realize I am still smiling 008:031;01[' ]| there is no sense in that now been none for a long time 008:031;01[' ]| now 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| my tongue comes out again lolls in the mud I stay there no 008:031;01[' ]| more thirst the tongue goes in the mouth closes it must be$1$ a 008:031;01[' ]| straight line now it is over it is done I have had the image 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| that must have$1$ lasted a good moment with that I have lasted 008:031;01[' ]| a moment they must have$1$ been good moments soon it will 008:031;01[' ]| be$1$ Pim I can not know the words can not come solitude soon over 008:031;01[' ]| soon lost those words 008:031;01[' ]| 008:031;01[' ]| I have had company mine because it amuses me I say it as 008:031;01[' ]| I hear it and a little girl friend's under the sky of April or of 008:031;01[' ]| May we are gone I stay there 008:032;01[' ]| way off on the right the tugging hand the mouth shut grim 008:032;01[' ]| the staring eyes glued to$4$ the mud perhaps we shall come 008:032;01[' ]| back it will be$1$ dusk the earth of childhood glimmering 008:032;01[' ]| again streaks of dying amber in a murk of ashes the earth 008:032;01[' ]| must have$1$ been on fire when I see us we are already at 008:032;01[' ]| hand 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| it is dusk we are going tired home I see only the naked parts 008:032;01[' ]| the solidary faces raised to$4$ the east the pale swaying of the 008:032;01[' ]| mingled hands tired and slow we toil up towards me and 008:032;01[' ]| vanish 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| the arms in the middle go through me and part of the bodies 008:032;01[' ]| shades through a shade the scene is empty in the mud the 008:032;01[' ]| sky goes out the ashes darken no world left for me now but 008:032;01[' ]| mine very pretty only not like that it does not happen like 008:032;01[' ]| that 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| I wait for us perhaps to$9$ come back and we do not come back 008:032;01[' ]| for the evening perhaps to$9$ whisper to$4$ me what the morning 008:032;01[' ]| had sung and that day to$4$ that morning no evening 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| find something else to$9$ last a little more questions who 008:032;01[' ]| were they what beings what point of the earth that 008:032;01[' ]| family whence this dumb show better nothing eat 008:032;01[' ]| something 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| that must have$1$ lasted a moment there must be$1$ worse 008:032;01[' ]| moments hope blighted is not the worst the day is well 008:032;01[' ]| advanced eat something that will last a moment they will be$1$ 008:032;01[' ]| good moments 008:032;01[' ]| 008:032;01[' ]| then if necessary my pain which of my many the deep beyond 008:032;01[' ]| reach it is preferable the problem of my pains the solution 008:033;01[' ]| last a moment with that then go not because of the 008:033;01[' ]| and vomit something else it is not known not said end of 008:033;01[' ]| journey 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards arrival 008:033;01[' ]| new place readaptation prayer to$9$ sleep pending which 008:033;01[' ]| questions if necessary who they were what beings what point 008:033;01[' ]| of the earth 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| they will be$1$ good moments then less good that too must be$1$ 008:033;01[' ]| expected it will be$1$ night present formulation I can sleep 008:033;01[' ]| and if ever I wake 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| and if ever mute laugh I wake forthwith catastrophe Pim 008:033;01[' ]| and end of part one leaving only part two leaving only part 008:033;01[' ]| three and last 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| the panting stops I am on my side which side the right it is 008:033;01[' ]| preferable I part the mouth of the sack and questions what 008:033;01[' ]| my God can I desire what hunger to$9$ eat what was my last 008:033;01[' ]| meal that family time passes I remain 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| it is the scene of the sack the two hands part its mouth what 008:033;01[' ]| can one still desire the left darts in the left hand in the sack 008:033;01[' ]| it is the scene of the sack and the arm after up to$4$ the armpit 008:033;01[' ]| and then 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| it strays among the tins without meddling with how many 008:033;01[' ]| announces a round dozen fastens who knows on the last 008:033;01[' ]| prawns these details for the sake of something 008:033;01[' ]| 008:033;01[' ]| it brings out the little oval tin transfers it to$4$ the other hand 008:033;01[' ]| goes back to$9$ look for the opener finds it at last brings 008:033;01[' ]| it out the opener we are talking of the opener with its 008:034;01[' ]| spindle bone handle to$4$ the feel rest 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| the hands what are the hands at when at rest difficult to$9$ see 008:034;01[' ]| with thumb and index respectively pad of tip and outer 008:034;01[' ]| face of second joint something wrong there nip the sack 008:034;01[' ]| and with remaining fingers clamp the objects against 008:034;01[' ]| the palms the tin the opener these details in preference to$4$ 008:034;01[' ]| nothing 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| a mistake rest we are talking of rest how often suddenly at 008:034;01[' ]| this stage I say it as I hear it in this position the hands 008:034;01[' ]| suddenly empty still nipping the sack never let go the sack 008:034;01[' ]| otherwise suddenly empty 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| grope in a panic in the mud for the opener that is my life 008:034;01[' ]| but of what can not as much be$1$ said could not as much be$1$ 008:034;01[' ]| always said my little lost always vast stretch of time 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| rest then my mistakes are my life the knees draw up the 008:034;01[' ]| back bends the head comes to$9$ rest on the sack between the 008:034;01[' ]| hands my sack my body all mine all these parts every 008:034;01[' ]| part 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| mine say mine to$9$ say$1$ something to$9$ say$1$ what I hear in Erebus 008:034;01[' ]| in the end I would succeed in seeing my navel the breath is there 008:034;01[' ]| it would not stir a mayfly's wing I feel the mouth opening 008:034;01[' ]| 008:034;01[' ]| on the muddy belly I saw one blessed day saving the 008:034;01[' ]| grace of Heraclitus the Obscure at the pitch of heaven's 008:034;01[' ]| azure towering between its great black still spread wings 008:034;01[' ]| the snowy body of I know not what frigate-bird the screaming 008:034;01[' ]| albatross of the southern seas the history I knew my 008:034;01[' ]| God the natural the good moments I had 008:035;01[' ]| but last day of the journey it is a good day no surprises good 008:035;01[' ]| or bad as I went to$9$ rest so back I came my hands as I left 008:035;01[' ]| them I shall lose nothing more see nothing more 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| the sack my life that I never let go here I let it go needing 008:035;01[' ]| both hands as when I journey that hangs together ah these 008:035;01[' ]| sudden blazes in the head as empty and dark as the heart 008:035;01[' ]| can desire then suddenly like a handful of shavings aflame 008:035;01[' ]| the spectacle then 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| need journey when shall I say weak enough later later some 008:035;01[' ]| day weak as me a voice of my own 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| with both hands therefore as when I journey or in them take 008:035;01[' ]| my head took my head above in the light I let go the sack 008:035;01[' ]| therefore but just a moment it is my life I lie across it 008:035;01[' ]| therefore that hangs together still 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| through the jute the edges of the last tins rowel my ribs 008:035;01[' ]| perished jute upper ribs right side just above where one 008:035;01[' ]| holds them holds one's sides held one's sides my life that 008:035;01[' ]| day will not escape me that life not yet 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| if I was born it was not left-handed the right hand transfers 008:035;01[' ]| the tin to$4$ the other and this to$4$ that the same instant the 008:035;01[' ]| tool pretty movement little swirl of fingers and palms 008:035;01[' ]| little miracle thanks to$4$ which little miracle among so many 008:035;01[' ]| thanks to$4$ which I live on lived on 008:035;01[' ]| 008:035;01[' ]| nothing now but to$9$ eat ten twelve episodes open the tin put 008:035;01[' ]| away the tool raise the tin slowly to$4$ the nose irreproachable 008:035;01[' ]| freshness distant perfume of laurel felicity then dream or not 008:035;01[' ]| empty the tin or not throw it away or not all that it is not said 008:035;01[' ]| I can not see no great importance wipe my mouth that 008:036;01[' ]| without fail so on and at last 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| take the sack in my arms strain it so light to$4$ me lay my 008:036;01[' ]| cheek on it it is the big scene of the sack it is done I have it 008:036;01[' ]| behind me the day is well advanced close the eyes at last 008:036;01[' ]| and wait for my pain that with it I may last a little more and 008:036;01[' ]| while waiting 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| prayer in vain to$9$ sleep I have no right to$4$ it yet I have not yet 008:036;01[' ]| deserved it prayer for prayer's sake when all fails when 008:036;01[' ]| I think of the souls in torment true torment true souls who 008:036;01[' ]| have no right to$4$ it no right ever to$9$ sleep we are talking of 008:036;01[' ]| sleep I prayed for them once if I may believe a old view 008:036;01[' ]| it has faded 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| me again always everywhere in the light age unknown seen 008:036;01[' ]| from behind on my knees arse bare on the summit of a 008:036;01[' ]| muckheap clad in a sack bottom burst to$9$ let the head 008:036;01[' ]| through holding in my mouth the horizontal staff of a vast 008:036;01[' ]| banner on which I read 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| in thy clemency now and then let the great damned sleep 008:036;01[' ]| here something illegible in the folds then dream perhaps 008:036;01[' ]| of the good time their naughtiness procured them what 008:036;01[' ]| time the demons may rest ten seconds fifteen seconds 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| sleep sole good brief movements of the lower face no sound 008:036;01[' ]| sole good come quench these two old coals that have 008:036;01[' ]| nothing more to$9$ see and this old kiln destroyed by fire and 008:036;01[' ]| in all this tenement 008:036;01[' ]| 008:036;01[' ]| all this tenement of naught from top to$4$ bottom from hair to$4$ 008:036;01[' ]| toe and finger-nails what little sensation it still has of what 008:036;01[' ]| it still is in all its parts and dream 008:037;01[' ]| dream come of a sky a earth a under-earth where I am 008:037;01[' ]| inconceivable aah no sound in the rectum a redhot spike 008:037;01[' ]| that day we prayed no further 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| how often kneeling how often from behind kneeling from 008:037;01[' ]| every angle from behind in every posture if he was not me he 008:037;01[' ]| was always the same cold comfort 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| one buttock twice too big the other twice too small unless 008:037;01[' ]| a optical illusion here when you shit it is the mud that 008:037;01[' ]| wipes I have not touched them for a eternity in other words 008:037;01[' ]| the ratio four to$4$ one I always loved arithmetic it has paid 008:037;01[' ]| me back in full 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| Pim's though undersized were iso he could have$1$ done with 008:037;01[' ]| a third I fleshed them indistinctly something wrong there 008:037;01[' ]| but first have done with my travelling days part one before 008:037;01[' ]| Pim how it was leaving only part two leaving only part 008:037;01[' ]| three and last 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| in the days when I still hugged the walls in the midst of my 008:037;01[' ]| brotherly likes I hear it and murmur that then above in the 008:037;01[' ]| light at every bodily pain the moral leaving me as ice I 008:037;01[' ]| screamed for help with once in a hundred some measure of 008:037;01[' ]| success 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| as when exceptionally the worse for drink at the small hour 008:037;01[' ]| of the garbage-man in my determination to$9$ leave the elevator 008:037;01[' ]| I caught my foot twixt cage and landing and two hours 008:037;01[' ]| later to$4$ the tick someone came running having summoned 008:037;01[' ]| it in vain 008:037;01[' ]| 008:037;01[' ]| old dream I am not deceived or I am it all depends on 008:037;01[' ]| what is not said on the day it all depends on the day 008:038;01[' ]| farewell rats the ship is sunk a little less is all one begs 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| a little less of no matter what no matter how no matter when 008:038;01[' ]| a little less of to$9$ be$1$ present past future and conditional of 008:038;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ and not to$9$ be$1$ come come enough of that on and end 008:038;01[' ]| part one before Pim 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| fire in the rectum how surmounted reflections on the passion 008:038;01[' ]| of pain irresistible departure with preparatives appertaining 008:038;01[' ]| uneventful journey sudden arrival lights low lights 008:038;01[' ]| out bye-bye is it a dream 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| a dream what a hope death of sack arse of Pim end of part 008:038;01[' ]| one leaving only part two leaving only part three and last 008:038;01[' ]| Thalia for pity's sake a leaf of thine ivy 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| quick the head in the sack where saving your reverence I 008:038;01[' ]| have all the suffering of all the ages I do not give a curse for 008:038;01[' ]| it and howls of laughter in every cell the tins rattle like 008:038;01[' ]| castanets and under me convulsed the mud goes 008:038;01[' ]| guggle-guggle I fart and piss in the same breath 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| blessed day last of the journey all goes without a hitch the 008:038;01[' ]| joke dies too old the convulsions die I come back to$4$ the 008:038;01[' ]| open air to$4$ serious things had I only the little finger to$9$ raise 008:038;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ wafted straight to$4$ Abraham's bosom I would tell him to$9$ 008:038;01[' ]| stick it up 008:038;01[' ]| 008:038;01[' ]| some reflections none the less while waiting for things to$9$ 008:038;01[' ]| improve on the fragility of euphoria among the different orders 008:038;01[' ]| of the animal kingdom beginning with the sponges when 008:038;01[' ]| suddenly I can not stay a second longer this episode is 008:038;01[' ]| therefore lost 008:039;01[' ]| the dejections no they are me but I love them the old 008:039;01[' ]| half-emptied tins let limply fall no something else the mud 008:039;01[' ]| engulfs all me alone it carries my four stone five stone it yields 008:039;01[' ]| a little under that then no more I do not flee I am banished 008:039;01[' ]| 008:039;01[' ]| stay for*ever in the same place never had any other ambition 008:039;01[' ]| with my little dead weight in the warm mire scoop my 008:039;01[' ]| wallow and stir from it no more that old dream back again 008:039;01[' ]| I live it now at this creeping hour know what it is worth was 008:039;01[' ]| worth 008:039;01[' ]| 008:039;01[' ]| a great gulp of black air and have done at last with my 008:039;01[' ]| travelling days before Pim part one how it was before the 008:039;01[' ]| others the sedentary with Pim after Pim how it was how 008:039;01[' ]| it is vast tracts of time when I see nothing more hear his 008:039;01[' ]| voice then this other come from afar on the thirty-two winds 008:039;01[' ]| from the zenith and depths then in me when the panting 008:039;01[' ]| stops bits and scraps I murmur them 008:039;01[' ]| 008:039;01[' ]| done with these fidgets that will not brook one second 008:039;01[' ]| longer here at my ease too weak to$9$ raise the little finger and 008:039;01[' ]| were it the signal for the mud to$9$ open under me and then 008:039;01[' ]| close again 008:039;01[' ]| 008:039;01[' ]| question old question if yes or no this upheaval daily if daily 008:039;01[' ]| ah to$9$ have$1$ to$9$ hear that word to$9$ have$1$ to$9$ murmur it this 008:039;01[' ]| upheaval yes or no if daily it so heaves me up and out of my 008:039;01[' ]| swill 008:039;01[' ]| 008:039;01[' ]| and the day so near its end at last if it is not compact of a 008:039;01[' ]| thousand days good old question terrible always for the 008:039;01[' ]| head and universally apropos which is a great beauty 008:040;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ Pim's timepiece something wrong there and nothing 008:040;01[' ]| to$9$ time I do not eat any more then no I do not drink any more 008:040;01[' ]| and I do not eat any more do not move any more and do not 008:040;01[' ]| sleep any more do not see anything any more and do not do 008:040;01[' ]| anything any more it will come back perhaps all come back 008:040;01[' ]| or a part I hear yes then no 008:040;01[' ]| 008:040;01[' ]| the voice time the voice it is not mine the silence time the 008:040;01[' ]| silence that might help me I will see do something something 008:040;01[' ]| good God 008:040;01[' ]| 008:040;01[' ]| curse God no sound make mental note of the hour and wait 008:040;01[' ]| midday midnight curse God or bless him and wait watch 008:040;01[' ]| in hand but the dark but the days that word again what 008:040;01[' ]| about them with no memory tear a shred from the sack 008:040;01[' ]| make knots or the cord too weak 008:040;01[' ]| 008:040;01[' ]| but first have done with my travelling days part one before 008:040;01[' ]| Pim unspeakable furry in the mud it is me I say it as I hear it 008:040;01[' ]| rummaging in the sack taking out the cord tying the neck 008:040;01[' ]| of the sack tying it to$4$ my neck turning over on my face 008:040;01[' ]| taking leave and away 008:040;01[' ]| 008:040;01[' ]| ten yards fifteen yards semi-side left right leg right arm 008:040;01[' ]| push pull flat on face imprecations no sound semi-side right 008:040;01[' ]| left leg left arm push pull flat on face imprecations no sound 008:040;01[' ]| not a iota to$9$ be$1$ changed in this description 008:040;01[' ]| 008:040;01[' ]| here confused reckonings to$4$ the effect I can not have$1$ deviated 008:040;01[' ]| more than a second or so from the direction imparted to$4$ me 008:040;01[' ]| one day one night at the inconceivable outset by chance 008:040;01[' ]| by necessity by a little of each it is one of the three from 008:040;01[' ]| west strong feeling from west to$4$ east 008:041;01[' ]| and so in the mud the dark on the belly in a straight line as 008:041;01[' ]| near as no matter four hundred miles in other words in eight 008:041;01[' ]| thousand years if I had not stopped the girdle of the earth 008:041;01[' ]| meaning the equivalent 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| it is not said where on earth I can have$1$ received my 008:041;01[' ]| education acquired my notions of mathematics astronomy 008:041;01[' ]| and even physics they have marked me that is the main 008:041;01[' ]| thing 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| intent on these horizons I do not feel my fatigue it is 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| manifest none the less passage more laborious from one side to$4$ 008:041;01[' ]| the other one semi-side prolongation of intermediate 008:041;01[' ]| procumbency multiplication of mute imprecations 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| sudden quasi-certitude that another inch and I fall 008:041;01[' ]| head-long into a ravine or dash myself against a wall though 008:041;01[' ]| nothing I know only too well to$9$ be$1$ hoped for in that quarter 008:041;01[' ]| this tears me from my reverie I have arrived 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| the people above whining about not living strange at such 008:041;01[' ]| a time such a bubble in the head all dead now others for 008:041;01[' ]| whom it is not a life and what follows very strange namely 008:041;01[' ]| that I understand them 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| always understood everything except for example history 008:041;01[' ]| and geography understood everything and forgave nothing 008:041;01[' ]| never could never disapproved anything really not even 008:041;01[' ]| cruelty to$4$ animals never loved anything 008:041;01[' ]| 008:041;01[' ]| such a bubble at such a time it bursts the day can not do$1$ much 008:041;01[' ]| more to$4$ me 008:042;01[' ]| you must not too weak agreed if you want weaker no you 008:042;01[' ]| must as weak as possible then weaker still I say it as I hear 008:042;01[' ]| it every word always 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| my day my day my life so they come back the old words 008:042;01[' ]| always no not much more only reacclimatize myself then 008:042;01[' ]| last till sleep not fall asleep mad no sense in that 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| mad or worse transformed a la Haeckel born in Potsdam 008:042;01[' ]| where Klopstock too among others lived a space and 008:042;01[' ]| laboured though buried in Altona the shadow he casts 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| at evening with his face to$4$ the huge sun or his back I forget 008:042;01[' ]| it is not said the great shadow he casts towards his native 008:042;01[' ]| east the humanities I had my God and with tdlat flashes of 008:042;01[' ]| geography 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| not much more but in the tail the venom I have lost my latin 008:042;01[' ]| one must be$1$ vigilant so a good moment in a daze on my belly 008:042;01[' ]| then begin I can not believe it to$9$ listen 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| to$9$ listen as though having set out the previous evening from 008:042;01[' ]| Nova Zembla I had just come back to$4$ my senses in a 008:042;01[' ]| sub-trophical subprefecture that is how I was had become or 008:042;01[' ]| always was it is one or the other the geography I had 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| question if always good old question if always like that since 008:042;01[' ]| the world world for me from the murmurs of my mother 008:042;01[' ]| shat into the incredible tohu-bohu 008:042;01[' ]| 008:042;01[' ]| like that unable to$9$ take a step particularly at night without 008:042;01[' ]| stopping dead on one leg eyes closed breath caught ears 008:042;01[' ]| cocked for pursuers and rescuers 008:043;01[' ]| I close my eyes the same old two and see me head up rick 008:043;01[' ]| in the neck hands tense in the mud something wrong there 008:043;01[' ]| breath caught it lasts I last like that a moment until the 008:043;01[' ]| quiver of the lower face signifying I am saying have 008:043;01[' ]| succeeded in saying something to$4$ myself 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| what can one say$1$ to$4$ oneself possibly say$1$ at such a time a 008:043;01[' ]| little pearl of forlorn solace so much the better so much the 008:043;01[' ]| worse that style only not so cold cheers alas that style only 008:043;01[' ]| not so warm joy and sorrow those two their sum divided 008:043;01[' ]| by two and luke like in outer hell 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| it is soon said once found soon said the lips stiffen and all 008:043;01[' ]| the adjacent flesh the hands open the head drops I sink a 008:043;01[' ]| little further then no further it is the same kingdom as before 008:043;01[' ]| a moment before the same it always was I have never left 008:043;01[' ]| it it is boundless 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| I am often happy God knows but never more than at this 008:043;01[' ]| instant never so oh I know happiness unhappiness I know 008:043;01[' ]| I know but there is no harm mentioning it 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| above if I were above the stars already and from the belfreys 008:043;01[' ]| the brief hour there is not much more left to$9$ endure 008:043;01[' ]| I would gladly stay as I am for*ever but that will not do$1$ 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| uncord sack and neck I do it I must do$1$ it it is the way one 008:043;01[' ]| is regulated my fingers do it I feel them 008:043;01[' ]| 008:043;01[' ]| in the mud the dark the face in the mud the hands anyhow 008:043;01[' ]| something wrong there the cord in my hand the whole body 008:043;01[' ]| anyhow and soon it is as if there at that place and no other 008:043;01[' ]| I had lived yes lived always 008:044;01[' ]| God sometimes somewhere at this moment but I have 008:044;01[' ]| chanced on a good day I would gladly eat something but 008:044;01[' ]| I will not eat anything the mouth opens the tongue does not 008:044;01[' ]| come out the mouth soon closes again 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| it is on the left the sack attends me I turn on my right side 008:044;01[' ]| and take it so light in my arms the knees draw up the back 008:044;01[' ]| bends the head comes to$4$ rest on the sack we must have$1$ had 008:044;01[' ]| these movements before would they were the last 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| now yes or no a fold of the sack between the lips that can 008:044;01[' ]| happen not in the mouth between the lips in the 008:044;01[' ]| vestibule 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| in spite of the life I have been given I have kept my plump lips 008:044;01[' ]| two big scarlet blubbers to$4$ the feel made for kisses I 008:044;01[' ]| imagine they pout out a little more part and fasten on a 008:044;01[' ]| ruck of the sack very horsy 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| yes or no it is not said I can not see other possibilities pray my 008:044;01[' ]| prayer to$9$ sleep again wait for it to$9$ descend open under me 008:044;01[' ]| calm water at last and in peril more than ever since all 008:044;01[' ]| parries spent that hangs together still 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| find more words and they all spent more brief movements 008:044;01[' ]| of the lower face he would need good eyes the witness if 008:044;01[' ]| there were a witness good eyes a good lamp he would have$1$ 008:044;01[' ]| them the witness the good eyes the good lamp 008:044;01[' ]| 008:044;01[' ]| to$4$ the scribe sitting aloof he would announce midnight no two 008:044;01[' ]| in the morning three in the morning Ballast Office brief 008:044;01[' ]| movements of the lower face no sound it is my words cause 008:044;01[' ]| them it is they cause my words it is one or the other I will fall 008:045;01[' ]| asleep within humanity again just barely 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| the dust there was then the mingled lime and granite stones 008:045;01[' ]| piled up to$9$ make a wall further on the thorn in flower green 008:045;01[' ]| and white quickset mingled privet and thorn 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| the depth of dust there was then the little feet big for their 008:045;01[' ]| age bare in the dust 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| the satchel under the arse the back against the wall raise 008:045;01[' ]| the eyes to$4$ the blue wake up in a sweat the white there was 008:045;01[' ]| then the little clouds you could see the blue through the hot 008:045;01[' ]| stones through the jersey striped horizontally blue and 008:045;01[' ]| white 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| raise the eyes look for faces in the sky animals in the sky fall 008:045;01[' ]| asleep and there a beautiful youth meet a beautiful youth 008:045;01[' ]| with golden goatee clad in a alb wake up in a sweat and 008:045;01[' ]| have met Jesus in a dream 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| that kind a image not for the eyes made of words not for 008:045;01[' ]| the ears the day is ended I am safe till tomorrow the mud 008:045;01[' ]| opens I depart till tomorrow the head in the sack the arms 008:045;01[' ]| round it the rest anyhow 008:045;01[' ]| 008:045;01[' ]| brief black long black no knowing and there I am again on 008:045;01[' ]| my way again something missing here only two or three 008:045;01[' ]| yards more and then the precipice only two or three last 008:045;01[' ]| scraps and then the end end of part one leaving only part 008:045;01[' ]| two leaving only part three and last something missing here 008:045;01[' ]| things one knows already or will never know it is one or the 008:045;01[' ]| other 008:046;01[' ]| I arrive and fall as the slug falls take the sack in my arms it 008:046;01[' ]| weighs nothing any more nothing any more to$9$ pillow my 008:046;01[' ]| head I press a rag I shall not say$1$ to$4$ my heart 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| no emotion all is lost the bottom burst the wet the dragging 008:046;01[' ]| the rubbing the hugging the ages old coal-sack five stone 008:046;01[' ]| six stone that hangs together all gone the tins the opener 008:046;01[' ]| a opener and no tins I am spared that this time tins and no 008:046;01[' ]| opener I will not have$1$ had that in my life this time 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| so many other things too so often imagined never named 008:046;01[' ]| never could useful necessary beautiful to$4$ the feel all I was 008:046;01[' ]| given present formulation such ancient things all gone but 008:046;01[' ]| the cord a burst sack a cord I say it as I hear it murmur it to$4$ 008:046;01[' ]| the mud old sack old cord you remain 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| a little more to$9$ last a little more untwine the rope make two 008:046;01[' ]| ropes tie the bottom of the sack fill it with mud tie the top 008:046;01[' ]| it will make a good pillow it will be$1$ soft in my arms brief 008:046;01[' ]| movements of the lower face would they were the last 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| when the last meal the last journey what have I done where 008:046;01[' ]| been that kind mute screams abandon hope gleam of hope 008:046;01[' ]| frantic departure the cord round my neck the sack in my 008:046;01[' ]| mouth a dog 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| abandoned here effect of hope that hangs together still the 008:046;01[' ]| eternal straight line effect of the pious wish not to$9$ die before 008:046;01[' ]| my time in the dark the mud not to$9$ mention other causes 008:046;01[' ]| 008:046;01[' ]| only one thing to$9$ do$1$ go back or at least only other thrash 008:046;01[' ]| round where I lie and I go on zigzag give me my due 008:047;01[' ]| conformably to$4$ my complexion present formulation seeking 008:047;01[' ]| that which I have lost there where I have never been 008:047;01[' ]| 008:047;01[' ]| dear figures when all fails a few figures to$9$ wind up with part 008:047;01[' ]| one before Pim the golden age the good moments the losses 008:047;01[' ]| of the species I was young I clung on to$4$ the species we are 008:047;01[' ]| talking of the species the human saying to$4$ myself brief 008:047;01[' ]| movements no sound two and two twice two and so on 008:047;01[' ]| 008:047;01[' ]| sudden swerve therefore left it is preferable forty-five degrees 008:047;01[' ]| and two yards straight line such is the force of habit 008:047;01[' ]| then right right angle and straight ahead four yards dear 008:047;01[' ]| figures then left right angle and beeline four yards then 008:047;01[' ]| right right angle so on till Pim 008:047;01[' ]| 008:047;01[' ]| thus north and south of the abandoned arrow effect of hope 008:047;01[' ]| series of sawteeth or chevrons sides two yards base three 008:047;01[' ]| a little less this the base we are talking of the base in the old 008:047;01[' ]| line of march which I thus revisit a instant between two 008:047;01[' ]| vertices one yard and a half a little less dear figures golden 008:047;01[' ]| age so it ends part one before Pim my travelling days vast 008:047;01[' ]| stretch of time I was young all that all those words chevrons 008:047;01[' ]| golden vertices every word always as I hear it in me 008:047;01[' ]| that was without quaqua on all sides and murmur to$4$ 008:047;01[' ]| the mud when the panting stops barely audible bits and 008:047;01[' ]| scraps 008:047;01[' ]| 008:047;01[' ]| semi-side left right leg right arm push pull flat on face curse 008:047;01[' ]| God bless him beseech him no sound with feet and hands 008:047;01[' ]| scrabble in the mud what do I hope a tin lost where I have 008:047;01[' ]| never been a tin half-emptied thrown away ahead that is all 008:047;01[' ]| I hope 008:048;01[' ]| where I have never been but others perhaps long before not 008:048;01[' ]| long before it is one or the other or it is both a procession 008:048;01[' ]| what comfort in adversity others what comfort 008:048;01[' ]| 008:048;01[' ]| those dragging on in front those dragging on behind whose 008:048;01[' ]| lot has been whose lot will be$1$ what your lot is endless 008:048;01[' ]| cortege of sacks burst in the interests of all 008:048;01[' ]| 008:048;01[' ]| or a celestial tin miraculous sardines sent down by God at 008:048;01[' ]| the news of my mishap wherewith to$9$ spew him out 008:048;01[' ]| another week 008:048;01[' ]| 008:048;01[' ]| semi-side right left leg left arm push pull flat on the face 008:048;01[' ]| mute imprecations scrabble in the mud every half-yard 008:048;01[' ]| eight times per chevron or three yards of headway clear a 008:048;01[' ]| little less the hand dips clawing for the take instead of the 008:048;01[' ]| familiar slime a arse two cries one mute end of part one 008:048;01[' ]| before Pim that is how it was before Pim 008:049;00[U ]| <2> 008:051;01@@@@@| 008:051;01[' ]| here then at last part two where I have still to$9$ say$1$ how it was 008:051;01[' ]| as I hear it in me that was without quaqua on all sides bits 008:051;01[' ]| and scraps how it was with Pim vast stretch of time murmur 008:051;01[' ]| it in the mud to$4$ the mud when the panting stops how 008:051;01[' ]| it was my life we are talking of my life in the dark the mud 008:051;01[' ]| with Pim part two leaving only part three and last that is 008:051;01[' ]| where I have my life where I had it where I will have$1$ it vast 008:051;01[' ]| tracts of time part three and last in the dark the mud my 008:051;01[' ]| life murmur it bits and scraps 008:051;01[' ]| 008:051;01[' ]| happy time in its way part two we are talking of part two 008:051;01[' ]| with Pim how it was good moments good for me we are talking 008:051;01[' ]| of me for him too we are talking of him too happy too in 008:051;01[' ]| his way I will know it later his way of happiness I will have$1$ it 008:051;01[' ]| later I have not yet had all 008:051;01[' ]| 008:051;01[' ]| faint shrill cry then foretaste of this semi-castrate mutter 008:051;01[' ]| I must bear how long no more figures there is another little 008:051;01[' ]| difference compared to$4$ what precedes not the slightest 008:051;01[' ]| figure henceforth all measures vague yes vague impressions 008:051;01[' ]| of length length of space length of time vague impressions 008:051;01[' ]| of brevity between the two and hence no more reckoning 008:051;01[' ]| save possibly algebraical yes I hear yes then no 008:051;01[' ]| 008:051;01[' ]| smartly as from a block of ice or white-hot my hand recoils 008:051;01[' ]| hangs a moment it is vague in mid air then slowly sinks again 008:051;01[' ]| and settles firm and even with a touch of ownership already 008:051;01[' ]| on the miraculous flesh perpendicular to$4$ the crack the stump 008:051;01[' ]| of the thumb and thenar and hypo balls on the left cheek 008:051;01[' ]| the four fingers on the other the right hand therefore we 008:051;01[' ]| are not yet head to$4$ foot 008:051;01[' ]| 008:051;01[' ]| flat assuredly but slightly arched none the less modesty 008:051;01[' ]| perhaps the innate kind it can not have$1$ been acquired and so a 008:052;01[' ]| little hog-backed straddling the slit whence contact with the 008:052;01[' ]| right cheek less pads than nails second cry of fright 008:052;01[' ]| assuredly but in which I seemed to$9$ catch orchestra-drowned 008:052;01[' ]| a faint flageolet of pleasure already fatuity on my part it is 008:052;01[' ]| possible 008:052;01[' ]| 008:052;01[' ]| there is a past perhaps this part will work in the past part 008:052;01[' ]| two with Pim how it was another little difference perhaps 008:052;01[' ]| compared to$4$ what precedes but quick my nails a word on 008:052;01[' ]| them they will have$1$ their part to$9$ play 008:052;01[' ]| 008:052;01[' ]| to$9$ be$1$ feared well well that in this part I may be$1$ not 008:052;01[' ]| extinguished no that is not said that is not yet in my composition 008:052;01[' ]| no dimmed what is said is dimmed before I flare up Pim 008:052;01[' ]| gone even more lively if that is possible than before we met 008:052;01[' ]| more what is the word more lively there is nothing better 008:052;01[' ]| the man who has only to$9$ appear and no ears no eyes for anyone 008:052;01[' ]| else too strong as always yes to$9$ be$1$ feared my part now 008:052;01[' ]| the utility-man's 008:052;01[' ]| 008:052;01[' ]| my part who but for me he would never Pim we are talking 008:052;01[' ]| of Pim never be but for me anything but a dumb limp lump 008:052;01[' ]| at for*ever in the mud but I will quicken him you wait and 008:052;01[' ]| see and how I can efface myself behind my creature when 008:052;01[' ]| the fit takes me now my nails 008:052;01[' ]| 008:052;01[' ]| quick a supposition if this so-called mud were nothing more 008:052;01[' ]| than all our shit yes all if there are not billions of us at the 008:052;01[' ]| moment and why not the moment there are two there were 008:052;01[' ]| yes billions of us crawling and shitting in their shit hugging 008:052;01[' ]| like a treasure in their arms the wherewithal to$9$ crawl and 008:052;01[' ]| shit a little more now my nails 008:053;01[' ]| my nails well to$9$ mention only the hands not to$9$ mention that 008:053;01[' ]| eastern sage they were in a sorry state that extreme eastern 008:053;01[' ]| sage who having clenched his fists from the tenderest age 008:053;01[' ]| it is vague till the hour of his death it is not said at what age 008:053;01[' ]| having done that 008:053;01[' ]| 008:053;01[' ]| the hour of his death at what age it is not said was enabled 008:053;01[' ]| to$9$ see them at last a little before his nails his death having 008:053;01[' ]| pierced the palms through and through was enabled to$9$ see 008:053;01[' ]| them emerging at last on the other side and a little later 008:053;01[' ]| having thus lived done this done that clenched his fists all 008:053;01[' ]| his life thus lived died at last saying to$4$ himself latest breath 008:053;01[' ]| that they would grow on 008:053;01[' ]| 008:053;01[' ]| the curtains parted part one I saw his friends come to$9$ visit 008:053;01[' ]| him where squatting in the deep shade of a tomb or a bo 008:053;01[' ]| his fists clenched on his knees he lived thus 008:053;01[' ]| 008:053;01[' ]| they broke for want of chalk or suchlike but not in concert 008:053;01[' ]| so that some my nails we are talking of my nails some always 008:053;01[' ]| long others presentable I saw him dreaming the mud parted 008:053;01[' ]| the light went on I saw him dreaming with the help of a 008:053;01[' ]| friend or failing that boon all alone of bending them back to$4$ 008:053;01[' ]| the back of his hand for them to$9$ go through the other way 008:053;01[' ]| death forestalled him 008:053;01[' ]| 008:053;01[' ]| Pim's right buttock then first contact he must have$1$ heard 008:053;01[' ]| them grate there is a noble past I could have$1$ dug them in if 008:053;01[' ]| I had wished I longed claw dig deep furrows drink the 008:053;01[' ]| screams the blue the violent shade the turbaned head 008:053;01[' ]| bowed over the fists the circle of friends in their white 008:053;01[' ]| dhotis without going that far 008:054;01[' ]| the cries tell me which end the head but I may be$1$ mistaken 008:054;01[' ]| with the result all hangs together that the hand slides right 008:054;01[' ]| and there to$9$ be$1$ sure there is the fork it is as I thought then 008:054;01[' ]| back left just the same just to$9$ clinch it and there to$9$ be$1$ sure 008:054;01[' ]| there is the arse again then oh without tarrying down in a 008:054;01[' ]| hollow then guided by stump of thumb on spine on up to$4$ 008:054;01[' ]| the floating ribs that clinches it the anatomy I had no point 008:054;01[' ]| in insisting further his cries continue that clinches it this 008:054;01[' ]| will not work in the past either I will never have$1$ a past never 008:054;01[' ]| had 008:054;01[' ]| 008:054;01[' ]| good a fellow-creature more or less but man woman girl or 008:054;01[' ]| boy cries have neither certain cries sex nor age I try to$9$ 008:054;01[' ]| turn him over on his back no the right side still less the left 008:054;01[' ]| less still my strength is ebbing good good I will never know 008:054;01[' ]| Pim but on his belly 008:054;01[' ]| 008:054;01[' ]| all that I say it as I hear it every word always and that 008:054;01[' ]| having rummaged in the mud between his legs I bring up 008:054;01[' ]| finally what seems to$4$ me a testicle or two the anatomy I 008:054;01[' ]| had 008:054;01[' ]| 008:054;01[' ]| as I hear it and murmur in the mud that I hoist myself if I 008:054;01[' ]| may say$1$ so a little forward to$9$ feel the skull it is bald no delete 008:054;01[' ]| the face it is preferable mass of hairs all white to$4$ the feel that 008:054;01[' ]| clinches it he is a little old man we are two little old men 008:054;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:054;01[' ]| 008:054;01[' ]| in the dark the mud my head against his my side 008:054;01[' ]| glued to$4$ his my right arm round his shoulders his cries 008:054;01[' ]| have ceased we lie thus a good moment they are good 008:054;01[' ]| moments 008:055;01[' ]| how long thus without motion or sound of any kind were it 008:055;01[' ]| but of breath vast a vast stretch of time under my arm now 008:055;01[' ]| and then a deeper breath heaves him slowly up leaves him 008:055;01[' ]| at last and sets him slowly down others would say$1$ a sigh 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| thus our life in common we begin it thus I do not say$1$ it is 008:055;01[' ]| not said as others at the end of theirs clinging almost to$4$ each 008:055;01[' ]| other I never saw any it seems never any such but even 008:055;01[' ]| beasts observe each other I saw some once it seems and they 008:055;01[' ]| observing each other let him understand who has a wish to$9$ 008:055;01[' ]| I have none 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| almost clinging that is too strong as always he can not repel 008:055;01[' ]| me it is like my sack when I had it still this providential flesh 008:055;01[' ]| I will never let it go call that constancy if you wish 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| when I had it still but I have it still it is in my mouth no it is 008:055;01[' ]| not there any more I do not have$1$ it any more I am right I was 008:055;01[' ]| right 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| vast stretch of time then for our beginnings a dizzy figure 008:055;01[' ]| in the days of figures the beginnings of our life in common 008:055;01[' ]| and question what brings this long peace to$4$ a close at last 008:055;01[' ]| and makes us better acquainted what hitch 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| a little tune suddenly he sings a little tune suddenly like 008:055;01[' ]| all that was not then is I listen for a moment they are good 008:055;01[' ]| moments it can only be$1$ he but I may be$1$ mistaken 008:055;01[' ]| 008:055;01[' ]| my arm bends therefore my right it is preferable which 008:055;01[' ]| reduces from very obtuse to$4$ very acute the angle between 008:055;01[' ]| the humerus and the other the anatomy the geometry and 008:055;01[' ]| my right hand seeks his lips let us try and see this 008:056;01[' ]| pretty movement more clearly its conclusion at least 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| the hand approaches under the mud comes up at a venture 008:056;01[' ]| the index encounters the mouth it is vague it is well judged 008:056;01[' ]| the thumb the cheek somewhere something wrong there 008:056;01[' ]| dimple malar the anatomy all astir lips hairs buccinators it is 008:056;01[' ]| as I thought he is singing that clinches it 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| I can not make out the words the mud muffles or perhaps a 008:056;01[' ]| foreign tongue perhaps he is singing a lied in the original 008:056;01[' ]| perhaps a foreigner 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| a oriental my dream he has renounced I too will renounce 008:056;01[' ]| I will have$1$ no more desires 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| he can speak then that is the main thing he has the use without 008:056;01[' ]| having really thought about it I must have$1$ thought he 008:056;01[' ]| had not not having it personally and a little more generally 008:056;01[' ]| no doubt that only one way of being where I was namely 008:056;01[' ]| my way song quite out of the question I should have$1$ 008:056;01[' ]| thought 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| awful moment in any case if there ever was one what vistas 008:056;01[' ]| that closes the first phase of our life in common and unlatches 008:056;01[' ]| the second and for that matter last more fertile in 008:056;01[' ]| vicissitudes and peripeteias the best in my life perhaps best 008:056;01[' ]| moment I mean it is difficult to$9$ choose 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| a human voice there within a inch or two my dream perhaps 008:056;01[' ]| even a human mind if I have to$9$ learn Italian obviously 008:056;01[' ]| it will be$1$ less amusing 008:056;01[' ]| 008:056;01[' ]| but first some remarks very sparsim vast stretch of time 008:056;01[' ]| some thirty perhaps in all here are two or three we will see 008:057;01[' ]| oriented as he is he must have$1$ been following the same road 008:057;01[' ]| as I before he dropped there is one 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| one day we will set off again together and I saw us the curtains 008:057;01[' ]| parted a instant something wrong there and I saw us darkly 008:057;01[' ]| all this before the little tune oh long before helping each 008:057;01[' ]| other on dropping with one accord and lying biding in each 008:057;01[' ]| other's arms the time to$9$ set off again 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| to$9$ play at him who exists or at least existed then I know I 008:057;01[' ]| know so much the worse there is no harm in mentioning it 008:057;01[' ]| no harm is done it does you good now and then they are 008:057;01[' ]| good moments what does it matter it does no harm to$4$ 008:057;01[' ]| anyone there is not anyone 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| there then behind us already at last the first phase of our 008:057;01[' ]| life in common leaving only the second and last end of part 008:057;01[' ]| two leaving only part three and last 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| problem of training and concurrently little by little solution 008:057;01[' ]| and application of same and concurrently moral plane bud 008:057;01[' ]| and bloom of relations proper but first some remarks two or 008:057;01[' ]| three we will see 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| moving right my right foot encounters only the familiar 008:057;01[' ]| mud with the result that while the knee bends to$4$ its full 008:057;01[' ]| extent at the same time it rises my foot we are talking of my 008:057;01[' ]| foot and rubs down one can see the movement all along 008:057;01[' ]| Pim's straight stiff legs it is as I thought there is one 008:057;01[' ]| 008:057;01[' ]| my head same movement it encounters his it is as I thought 008:057;01[' ]| but I may be$1$ mistaken with the result it draws back again 008:057;01[' ]| and launches right the expected shock ensues that clinches 008:057;01[' ]| it I am the taller 008:058;01[' ]| I resume my pose cleave to$4$ him closer he ends at my ankle 008:058;01[' ]| two or three inches shorter than me I put it down to$4$ 008:058;01[' ]| seniority 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| now his arms Saint Andrew's cross top V reduced aperture 008:058;01[' ]| my left hand moves up the left branch follows it into the 008:058;01[' ]| sack his sack he holds his sack on the inside near the mouth 008:058;01[' ]| more daring than me my hand lingers a moment on his like 008:058;01[' ]| cords his veins withdraws and resumes its place on the left 008:058;01[' ]| in the mud no more about this sack for the moment 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| in the deeper silence succeeding Pim's song finally vast 008:058;01[' ]| stretch of time a distant ticking I listen a good moment they 008:058;01[' ]| are good moments 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| my right hand sets off along his right arm toils to$4$ the limit 008:058;01[' ]| of its reach and beyond tips with finger-tips a watch wristlet 008:058;01[' ]| to$4$ the feel it is as I thought it will have$1$ its part to$9$ play yes 008:058;01[' ]| I hear yes then no 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| better a big ordinary watch complete with heavy chain he 008:058;01[' ]| holds it tight in his fist my index worms through the 008:058;01[' ]| clenched fingers and says a big ordinary watch complete with 008:058;01[' ]| heavy chain 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| I draw his arm towards me behind his back it jams ticking 008:058;01[' ]| very greatly improved I drink it for a moment 008:058;01[' ]| 008:058;01[' ]| a few more movements put the arm back where I found it 008:058;01[' ]| then towards me again the other way overhead sinistro 008:058;01[' ]| until it jams one can see the movement grasp the wrist with 008:058;01[' ]| my left hand and pull while bearing from behind with the 008:058;01[' ]| right on the elbow or thereabouts all that beyond my 008:058;01[' ]| strength 008:059;01[' ]| without having had to$9$ raise my head from the mud 008:059;01[' ]| question I finally have the watch to$4$ my ear the hand the fist 008:059;01[' ]| it is preferable I drink deep of the seconds delicious 008:059;01[' ]| moments and vistas 008:059;01[' ]| 008:059;01[' ]| released at last the arm recoils sharp a little way then comes 008:059;01[' ]| to$9$ rest it is I again must put it back where I found it way off 008:059;01[' ]| on the right in the mud Pim is like that he will be$1$ like that 008:059;01[' ]| he stays whatever way he is put but it does not amount to$4$ 008:059;01[' ]| much on the whole a rock 008:059;01[' ]| 008:059;01[' ]| from it to$4$ me now part three from way off out on the right 008:059;01[' ]| in the mud to$4$ me abandoned the distant ticking I derive 008:059;01[' ]| no more profit from it none whatever no more pleasure 008:059;01[' ]| count no more the unforgiving seconds measure no more 008:059;01[' ]| durations and frequencies take my pulse no more ninety 008:059;01[' ]| ninety-five 008:059;01[' ]| 008:059;01[' ]| it keeps me company that is all its ticking now and then but 008:059;01[' ]| break it throw it away let it run down and stop no something 008:059;01[' ]| stops me it stops I shake my arm it starts no more 008:059;01[' ]| about this watch 008:059;01[' ]| 008:059;01[' ]| no more than I by his own account or my imagination he 008:059;01[' ]| had no name any more than I so I gave him one the name 008:059;01[' ]| Pim for more commodity more convenience it is off again in 008:059;01[' ]| the past 008:059;01[' ]| 008:059;01[' ]| it must have$1$ appealed to$4$ him it is understandable finished 008:059;01[' ]| by appealing to$4$ him he was calling him by it himself in the 008:059;01[' ]| end long before Pim Pim 7ad 7nauseam I Pim I always say 008:059;01[' ]| when a man's name is Pim he has not the right and all the 008:059;01[' ]| things a man had not the right always said when his name was 008:059;01[' ]| Pim and with that better from that out livelier chattier 008:060;01[' ]| when this has sunk in I let him know that I too Pim my 008:060;01[' ]| name Pim there he has more difficulty a moment of confusion 008:060;01[' ]| irritation it is understandable it is a noble name then 008:060;01[' ]| it calms down 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| me too great benefit too I have that impression great benefit 008:060;01[' ]| especially at first hard to$9$ say$1$ why less anonymous somehow 008:060;01[' ]| or other less obscure 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| me too I feel it forsaking me soon there will be$1$ no*one 008:060;01[' ]| never been anyone of the noble name of Pim yes I hear yes 008:060;01[' ]| then no 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| the one I am waiting for oh not that I believe in him I say it 008:060;01[' ]| as I hear it he can give me another it will be$1$ my first Bom he 008:060;01[' ]| can call me Bom for more commodity that would appeal 008:060;01[' ]| to$4$ me m at the end and one syllable the rest indifferent 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| BOM scored by finger-nail athwart the arse the vowel in 008:060;01[' ]| the hole I would say$1$ in a scene from my life he would oblige 008:060;01[' ]| me to$9$ have$1$ had a life the Boms sir you do not know the Boms 008:060;01[' ]| sir you can shit on a Bom sir you can not humiliate him a Bom 008:060;01[' ]| sir the Boms sir 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| but first have done with this part two with Pim life in common 008:060;01[' ]| how it was leaving only part three and last when I hear 008:060;01[' ]| among other extravagances that he is coming ten yards 008:060;01[' ]| fifteen yards who for me for whom I what I for Pim Pim for 008:060;01[' ]| me 008:060;01[' ]| 008:060;01[' ]| other extravagances including the use of speech it will 008:060;01[' ]| come back to$4$ me that much is true it has come back 008:060;01[' ]| to$4$ me here it is I listen I speak brief movements of the 008:061;01[' ]| lower face with sound in the mud a murmur all sorts one Pim a 008:061;01[' ]| life I am said to$9$ have$1$ had before him with him after him a 008:061;01[' ]| life I am said to$9$ have$1$ 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| training early days or heroic prior to$4$ the script the 008:061;01[' ]| refinements difficult to$9$ describe just the broad lines on stop that 008:061;01[' ]| family beyond my strength he floundered I floundered but 008:061;01[' ]| little by little little by little 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| between sessions sometimes a sprat a prawn that could 008:061;01[' ]| happen it goes on in the past ah if only all past all in the past 008:061;01[' ]| Bom come I gone and Bom on our life in common we had 008:061;01[' ]| good moments they were good moments drivel drivel no 008:061;01[' ]| matter a sprat a prawn 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| not burst Pim's sack not burst there is no justice or else just 008:061;01[' ]| one of those things that pass understanding there are 008:061;01[' ]| some 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| older than mine and not burst perhaps better quality jute 008:061;01[' ]| and with that still half-full or else something that escapes 008:061;01[' ]| me 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| sacks that void and burst others never is it possible the old 008:061;01[' ]| business of grace in this sewer why want us all alike some 008:061;01[' ]| vanish others never 008:061;01[' ]| 008:061;01[' ]| all I hear leave out more leave out all hear no more lie there 008:061;01[' ]| in my arms the ancient without end me we are talking of me 008:061;01[' ]| without end that buries all mankind to$4$ the last cunt they would 008:061;01[' ]| be$1$ good moments in the dark the mud hearing nothing 008:061;01[' ]| saying nothing capable of nothing 008:062;01[' ]| then of a sudden like all that starts starts again no 008:062;01[' ]| knowing set forth forth again ten yards fifteen yards 008:062;01[' ]| right leg right arm push pull a few images patches of 008:062;01[' ]| blue a few words no sound cling to$4$ species a few sardines 008:062;01[' ]| yawn of mud burst the sack drivel on drone on in a word 008:062;01[' ]| the old road 008:062;01[' ]| 008:062;01[' ]| from the next mortal to$4$ the next leading nowhere and saving 008:062;01[' ]| correction no other goal than the next mortal cleave to$4$ him 008:062;01[' ]| give him a name train him up bloody him all over with 008:062;01[' ]| Roman capitals gorge on his fables unite for life in stoic love 008:062;01[' ]| to$4$ the last shrimp and a little longer 008:062;01[' ]| 008:062;01[' ]| till the fine day when flip he vanishes leaving me his effects 008:062;01[' ]| and the sooth comes true the new life no more journeys no 008:062;01[' ]| more blue a murmur in the mud that is true all must be$1$ true 008:062;01[' ]| and the other on his way ten yards fifteen yards what I for 008:062;01[' ]| Pim Pim for me 008:062;01[' ]| 008:062;01[' ]| all I hear hear no more lie there the same as before Pim after 008:062;01[' ]| Pim the same as before in my arms with my sack then of a 008:062;01[' ]| sudden the old road towards my next mortal ten yards fifteen 008:062;01[' ]| yards push pull season after season my only season towards 008:062;01[' ]| my first mortal drivel drivel happily brief 008:062;01[' ]| 008:062;01[' ]| first lesson theme song I dig my nails into his armpit right 008:062;01[' ]| hand right pit he cries I withdraw them thump with fist on 008:062;01[' ]| skull his face sinks in the mud his cries cease end of first 008:062;01[' ]| lesson 008:062;01[' ]| 008:062;01[' ]| second lesson same theme nails in armpit cries thump 008:062;01[' ]| on skull silence end of second lesson all that 008:063;01[' ]| beyond my strength 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| but this man is no fool he must say$1$ to$4$ himself I would if I 008:063;01[' ]| were he what does he require of me or better still what is 008:063;01[' ]| required of me that I am tormented thus and the answer 008:063;01[' ]| sparsim little by little vast tracts of time 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| not that I should cry that is evident since when I do I am 008:063;01[' ]| punished instanter 008:063;01[' ]| sadism pure and simple no since I may not cry 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| something perhaps beyond my powers assuredly not this 008:063;01[' ]| creature is no fool one senses that 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| what is not beyond my powers known not to$9$ be$1$ beyond 008:063;01[' ]| them song it is required therefore that I sing 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| what if I were he I would have$1$ said it seems to$4$ me in the end 008:063;01[' ]| to$4$ myself but I may be$1$ mistaken and God knows I am not 008:063;01[' ]| intelligent otherwise I would be$1$ dead 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| that or something else the day comes that word again we 008:063;01[' ]| come to$4$ the day at the end of how long no figures vast 008:063;01[' ]| stretch of time when clawed in the armpit long since a 008:063;01[' ]| open sore for try a new place one is tempted desperation 008:063;01[' ]| more sensitive the eye the glans no only confuse him fatal 008:063;01[' ]| thing avoid at all costs 008:063;01[' ]| 008:063;01[' ]| the day then when clawed in the armpit instead of crying 008:063;01[' ]| he sings his song the song ascends in the present it is off again 008:063;01[' ]| in the present 008:064;01[' ]| I withdraw my nails he continues the same air it seems 008:064;01[' ]| to$4$ me I am rather musical this time I have that in my 008:064;01[' ]| life this time and this time on the wing a word or two 008:064;01[' ]| eyes skies the or thee cheers we use the same idiom 008:064;01[' ]| what a blessing 008:064;01[' ]| 008:064;01[' ]| that is not all he stops nails in armpit he resumes cheers done 008:064;01[' ]| it armpit song and this music as sure as if I pressed a button 008:064;01[' ]| I can indulge in it any time henceforward 008:064;01[' ]| 008:064;01[' ]| that is not all he continues thump on skull he stops and stop 008:064;01[' ]| it likewise the thump on skull signifying stop at all times 008:064;01[' ]| and that come to$9$ think of it almost mechanically at least 008:064;01[' ]| where words involved 008:064;01[' ]| 008:064;01[' ]| why mechanically why simply because it has the effect the 008:064;01[' ]| thump on skull we are talking of the thump on skull the effect 008:064;01[' ]| of plunging the face in the mud the mouth the nose and 008:064;01[' ]| even the eyes and what but words could be$1$ involved in the 008:064;01[' ]| case of Pim a few words what he can now and then I am not 008:064;01[' ]| a monster 008:064;01[' ]| 008:064;01[' ]| I am not going to$9$ kill myself demanding something beyond 008:064;01[' ]| his powers that he stand on his head for example or on his 008:064;01[' ]| feet or kneel most certainly not 008:064;01[' ]| 008:064;01[' ]| or turn over on his back or side no rancour in me any more 008:064;01[' ]| no wish any more for anyone to$9$ have$1$ to$9$ do$1$ without ceasing 008:064;01[' ]| and without ceasing not be able huge cymbals giant arms 008:064;01[' ]| outspread two hundred degrees and clang clang miracle 008:064;01[' ]| miracle the impossible do the impossible suffer the 008:064;01[' ]| impossible most certainly not 008:065;01[' ]| merely that he sing or speak and not even this rather than 008:065;01[' ]| that in the early stages merely speak what he will what he 008:065;01[' ]| can now and then a few words nothing more 008:065;01[' ]| 008:065;01[' ]| first lesson then second series but first take away his sack he 008:065;01[' ]| resists I claw his left hand to$4$ the bone it is not far he cries 008:065;01[' ]| but will not let go the blood he must have$1$ lost by this time 008:065;01[' ]| vast stretch of time I am not a brute as I may have$1$ said 008:065;01[' ]| before access to$4$ the sack that I have my left hand enters 008:065;01[' ]| gropes for the opener here a parenthesis 008:065;01[' ]| 008:065;01[' ]| no minutiae no problems but all this time we have been 008:065;01[' ]| together many is the couple would be$1$ content with it see 008:065;01[' ]| each other die without a murmur having had their fill 008:065;01[' ]| 008:065;01[' ]| and Pim all this time vast stretch of time not a movement 008:065;01[' ]| apart from the lips and thereabouts the lower face to$9$ sing 008:065;01[' ]| cry and convulsive now and again the right hand for pale 008:065;01[' ]| green the hour to$9$ turn that he will never see and those 008:065;01[' ]| willy-nilly to$9$ be$1$ sure by me imparted Pim has not eaten 008:065;01[' ]| 008:065;01[' ]| I yes without its being said all is not said almost nothing 008:065;01[' ]| and far too much I have eaten offered him to$9$ eat crushed 008:065;01[' ]| against his mouth lost in the hairs the mud my palm dripping 008:065;01[' ]| with cod's liver or suchlike rubbed it in labour lost if 008:065;01[' ]| he is still nourished it is on mud if that is what it is I always 008:065;01[' ]| said so this mud by osmosis long run fulness of time by 008:065;01[' ]| capillarity 008:065;01[' ]| 008:065;01[' ]| by the tongue when it sticks out the mouth when the lips 008:065;01[' ]| part the nostrils the eyes when the lids part the anus no it is 008:065;01[' ]| high and dry the ears no 008:066;01[' ]| the urethra perhaps after piss the last drop the 008:066;01[' ]| bladder sucking in a second after all the pumping out 008:066;01[' ]| certain pores too the urethra perhaps a certain number 008:066;01[' ]| of pores 008:066;01[' ]| 008:066;01[' ]| this mud I always said so it keeps a man going and he clings 008:066;01[' ]| to$4$ the sack that was the point to$9$ be$1$ made I say it as I hear 008:066;01[' ]| it does it as much as serve to$9$ pillow his head no he clutches 008:066;01[' ]| it at arm's length as he the window-sill who falls out of 008:066;01[' ]| the window 008:066;01[' ]| 008:066;01[' ]| no the truth is this sack I always said so this sack for us here 008:066;01[' ]| is something more than a larder than a pillow for the head 008:066;01[' ]| than a friend to$9$ turn to$4$ a thing to$9$ embrace a surface 008:066;01[' ]| to$9$ cover with kisses something far more we do not profit 008:066;01[' ]| by it in any way any more and we cling to$4$ it I owed 008:066;01[' ]| it this tribute 008:066;01[' ]| 008:066;01[' ]| now at rest my left hand part two second half what is it 008:066;01[' ]| doing grasping the sack beside Pim's no more about this 008:066;01[' ]| sack the opener the opener soon Pim will speak 008:066;01[' ]| 008:066;01[' ]| so many tins still remaining something there that escapes 008:066;01[' ]| me I take them out left hand one by one in the mud till at 008:066;01[' ]| last the opener put it in my mouth put back the tins I do not 008:066;01[' ]| say$1$ all and my right arm all this time 008:066;01[' ]| 008:066;01[' ]| all this time vast stretch of time all that beyond my strength 008:066;01[' ]| truly with Pim my strength is ebbing it is inevitable we are a 008:066;01[' ]| pair my right arm presses him against me love fear of being 008:066;01[' ]| abandoned a little of each no knowing not said and 008:066;01[' ]| then 008:067;01[' ]| then with my right leg thrown crosswise imprison his two 008:067;01[' ]| one can see the movement take the opener in my right 008:067;01[' ]| hand move it down along the spine and drive it into the 008:067;01[' ]| arse not the hole not such a fool the cheek a cheek he cries 008:067;01[' ]| I withdraw it thump on skull the cries cease it is mechanical 008:067;01[' ]| end of first lesson second series rest and here parenthesis 008:067;01[' ]| 008:067;01[' ]| this opener where put it when not needed put it back in the 008:067;01[' ]| sack with the tins certainly not hold it in the hand in the 008:067;01[' ]| mouth certainly not the muscles relax the mud engulfs 008:067;01[' ]| where then 008:067;01[' ]| 008:067;01[' ]| between the cheeks of his arse not very elastic but still 008:067;01[' ]| sufficiently there it is in safety saying to$4$ myself I say it as I 008:067;01[' ]| hear it that with someone to$9$ keep me company I would 008:067;01[' ]| have$1$ been a different man more universal 008:067;01[' ]| 008:067;01[' ]| no not there lower down between the thighs it is preferable 008:067;01[' ]| the point downward and only the little bulb protruding of 008:067;01[' ]| the piriform handle there it is out of danger saying to$4$ 008:067;01[' ]| myself too late a companion too late 008:067;01[' ]| 008:067;01[' ]| second lesson then second series same principle same 008:067;01[' ]| procedure third fourth so on vast stretch of time till the day 008:067;01[' ]| that word again when stabbed in the arse instead of crying 008:067;01[' ]| he sings his song what a cunt this Pim damn it all confuse 008:067;01[' ]| arse and armpit horn and steel the thump he gets then I give 008:067;01[' ]| you my word happily he is no fool he must have$1$ said to$4$ himself 008:067;01[' ]| what is required of me now what is the meaning of this 008:067;01[' ]| new torment 008:067;01[' ]| that I should cry no sing no that is the armpit lubricious 008:068;01[' ]| ferocity no we have seen it is not that really I can not 008:068;01[' ]| imagine 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| it is not aimless that is evident this creature is too intelligent 008:068;01[' ]| to$9$ demand what is beyond my powers what then is 008:068;01[' ]| not beyond my powers to$9$ sing to$9$ weep what else what 008:068;01[' ]| else can I do$1$ could I do$1$ if I were put to$4$ the pin of 008:068;01[' ]| my collar 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| think perhaps at a pinch it is possible what else am I doing 008:068;01[' ]| at this moment and bless my soul there it comes again howls 008:068;01[' ]| thump on skull silence rest 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| no that is not it either a possible thing no really I can not 008:068;01[' ]| imagine perhaps I should ask I will ask some day if I can 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| no fool merely slow and the day comes we come to$4$ the day 008:068;01[' ]| when stabbed in the arse now a open wound instead of the 008:068;01[' ]| cry a brief murmur done it at last 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| with the handle of the opener as with a pestle bang on the 008:068;01[' ]| right kidney handier than the other from where I lie cry 008:068;01[' ]| thump on skull silence brief rest jab in arse unintelligible 008:068;01[' ]| murmur bang on kidney signifying louder once and for all 008:068;01[' ]| cry thump on skull silence brief rest 008:068;01[' ]| 008:068;01[' ]| so on with now and then lest he get rusty return to$4$ the 008:068;01[' ]| armpit the song ascends that is working thump doused on the 008:068;01[' ]| spot all this is killing me I am about to$9$ give up when banged 008:068;01[' ]| on the kidney one day at last he is no fool merely slow 008:068;01[' ]| instead of crying he articulates hey you me what do not hey 008:068;01[' ]| you me what do not that is enough I have got it thump on skull 008:068;01[' ]| done it at last it is not yet second nature but it will be$1$ 008:069;01[' ]| something there that escapes me 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| I put away the tool between his thighs take my right leg 008:069;01[' ]| from off his two imprison his shoulders with my right arm 008:069;01[' ]| he can not leave me but I do not trust him long rest saying to$4$ 008:069;01[' ]| myself the words are there that too late too late indisputably 008:069;01[' ]| but none the less what a improvement already how 008:069;01[' ]| I have improved 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| orgy of false being life in common brief shames I am not 008:069;01[' ]| dead to$4$ inexistence not irretrievably time will tell it is telling 008:069;01[' ]| but what a hog's wallow pah not even not even pah brief 008:069;01[' ]| movements of the lower face profit while ye may silence 008:069;01[' ]| gatherwhile ye may deathly silence patience patience 008:069;01[' ]| training continued no point skip 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| table of basic stimuli one sing nails in armpit two speak 008:069;01[' ]| blade in arse three stop thump on skull four louder pestle 008:069;01[' ]| on kidney 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| five softer index in anus six bravo clap athwart arse seven 008:069;01[' ]| lousy same as three eight encore same as one or two as 008:069;01[' ]| may be$1$ 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| all with the right hand I have said this and the left all this time 008:069;01[' ]| vast stretch of time it holds the sack I have said this heard it 008:069;01[' ]| said now in me that was without quaqua on all sides murmured 008:069;01[' ]| it in the mud it holds the sack beside Pim's left hand 008:069;01[' ]| my thumb has crept between his palm and folded fingers 008:069;01[' ]| 008:069;01[' ]| script and then Pim's voice till he vanishes end of part two 008:069;01[' ]| leaving only part three and last 008:070;01[' ]| with the nail then of the right index I carve and when it 008:070;01[' ]| breaks or falls until it grows again with another on Pim's 008:070;01[' ]| back intact at the outset from left to$4$ right and top to$4$ bottom 008:070;01[' ]| as in our civilsation I carve my Roman capitals 008:070;01[' ]| 008:070;01[' ]| arduous beginnings then less he is no fool merely slow in 008:070;01[' ]| the end he understands all almost all I have nothing to$9$ say$1$ 008:070;01[' ]| almost nothing even God that old favourite my rain and 008:070;01[' ]| shine brief allusions not infrequent as in the tender years it is 008:070;01[' ]| vague he almost understands 008:070;01[' ]| 008:070;01[' ]| a moment of the tender years the lamb black with the 008:070;01[' ]| world's sins the world cleansed the three persons yes I 008:070;01[' ]| assure you and that belief the feeling since then ten eleven 008:070;01[' ]| that belief said to$9$ have$1$ been mine the feeling since then 008:070;01[' ]| vast stretch of time that I would find it again the blue cloak the 008:070;01[' ]| pigeon the miracles he understood 008:070;01[' ]| 008:070;01[' ]| that childhood said to$9$ have$1$ been mine the difficulty of 008:070;01[' ]| believing in it the feeling rather of having been born octogenarian 008:070;01[' ]| at the age when one dies in the dark the mud upwards 008:070;01[' ]| born upwards floating up like the drowned and tattle 008:070;01[' ]| tattle four full backs of close characters the childhood the 008:070;01[' ]| belief the blue the miracles all lost never was 008:070;01[' ]| 008:070;01[' ]| the blue there was then the white dust impressions of more 008:070;01[' ]| recent date pleasant unpleasant and those finally unruffled 008:070;01[' ]| by emotion things not easy 008:070;01[' ]| 008:070;01[' ]| unbroken no paragraphs no commas not a second for reflection 008:070;01[' ]| with the nail of the index until it falls and the worn 008:070;01[' ]| back bleeding passim it was near the end like yesterday 008:070;01[' ]| vast stretch of time 008:070;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| but quick a example from among the simple from the 008:071;01[' ]| early days or heroic then Pim to$9$ speak until he vanishes end 008:071;01[' ]| of part two leaving only three and last 008:071;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| with the nail then of the right index in great capitals two 008:071;01[' ]| full lines the shorter the communication the greater the 008:071;01[' ]| capitals one has only to$9$ know a little beforehand what one 008:071;01[' ]| wants to$9$ say$1$ he feels the great ornate letter the snakes the 008:071;01[' ]| imps God be praised it will not be$1$ long YOU PIM pause YOU 008:071;01[' ]| PIM in the furrows here a difficulty has he grasped no 008:071;01[' ]| knowing 008:071;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| stab him simply in the arse that is to$9$ say$1$ speak and he will 008:071;01[' ]| say$1$ anything what he can whereas proof I need proof so 008:071;01[' ]| stab him in a certain way signifying answer once and for 008:071;01[' ]| all which I do therefore what a improvement how I have 008:071;01[' ]| improved 008:071;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| a special stroke indescribable a trick of the hand with the 008:071;01[' ]| gratifying result one fine day vast stretch of time me Jim or 008:071;01[' ]| Tim not Pim in any case not yet the back is not yet uniformly 008:071;01[' ]| sensitive but it will be$1$ cheers none the less done it more 008:071;01[' ]| or less rest 008:071;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| simply try again not yet say die a good deep P and the 008:071;01[' ]| apposite stab and inevitable one fine day should it mean his 008:071;01[' ]| trying all the consonants in the Roman alphabet that he 008:071;01[' ]| will answer in the end it is inevitable me Pim which he does 008:071;01[' ]| in the end it was inevitable me Pim clap athwart the arse 008:071;01[' ]| opener between the thighs arm round his poor shoulders 008:071;01[' ]| done it rest 008:071;01[' ]| 008:071;01[' ]| thus then no point in other examples he was a bad 008:072;01[' ]| pupil I a bad master but fulness of time he little we had to$9$ 008:072;01[' ]| say$1$ it was nothing 008:072;01[' ]| 008:072;01[' ]| I nothing only say this say that your life above YOUR LIFE 008:072;01[' ]| pause my life ABOVE long pause above IN THE in the 008:072;01[' ]| LIGHT pause light his life above in the light almost a 008:072;01[' ]| ocsyllable come to$9$ think of it a coincidence 008:072;01[' ]| 008:072;01[' ]| I then nothing about me my life what life never anything 008:072;01[' ]| hardly ever he nothing either unless driven never on his 008:072;01[' ]| own but once launched not without pleasure the impression 008:072;01[' ]| or illusion no stopping him thump thump all his fat-headed 008:072;01[' ]| meatus in the shit no holding him thump thump 008:072;01[' ]| 008:072;01[' ]| the proportion of invention vast assuredly vast proportion 008:072;01[' ]| a thing you do not know the threat the bleeding arse the 008:072;01[' ]| cracking nerves you invent but real or imaginary no 008:072;01[' ]| knowing it is impossible it is not said it does not matter it does it did 008:072;01[' ]| that is superb a thing that matters 008:072;01[' ]| 008:072;01[' ]| that life then said to$9$ have$1$ been his invented remembered 008:072;01[' ]| a little of each no knowing that thing above he gave it to$4$ me 008:072;01[' ]| I made it mine what I fancied skies especially and the paths 008:072;01[' ]| he crept along how they changed with the sky and where 008:072;01[' ]| you were going on the Atlantic in the evening on the 008:072;01[' ]| ocean going to$4$ the isles or coming back the mood of the 008:072;01[' ]| moment less important the creatures encountered hardly 008:072;01[' ]| any always the same I picked my fancy good moments 008:072;01[' ]| nothing left 008:072;01[' ]| 008:072;01[' ]| dear Pim come back from the living he got it from another 008:072;01[' ]| that dog's life to$9$ take and to$9$ leave I will give it to$4$ another 008:073;01[' ]| the voice said so the voice in me that was without 008:073;01[' ]| quaqua on all sides hard to$9$ believe here in the dark the 008:073;01[' ]| mud that only one life above from age to$4$ age eternally allowance 008:073;01[' ]| made for preferences ah that is it allowance made 008:073;01[' ]| for needs 008:073;01[' ]| 008:073;01[' ]| mine what I need that is it most need changing aspects that is 008:073;01[' ]| it ever changing aspects of the never changing life according 008:073;01[' ]| to$4$ the needs but the needs the needs surely for*ever here 008:073;01[' ]| the same needs from age to$4$ age the same thirsts the voice 008:073;01[' ]| says so 008:073;01[' ]| 008:073;01[' ]| it said I murmur for us here one after another the same 008:073;01[' ]| thirsts and life unchanging here as above according to$4$ the 008:073;01[' ]| unchanging needs hard to$9$ believe it depends on the 008:073;01[' ]| moment the mood of the moment the mood remains a little 008:073;01[' ]| changeful you may say$1$ no sound there is nothing to$9$ prevent 008:073;01[' ]| you today I am perhaps not quite so sad as yesterday there 008:073;01[' ]| is nothing to$9$ stop you 008:073;01[' ]| 008:073;01[' ]| the things I could no longer see little scenes part one in their 008:073;01[' ]| stead Pim's voice Pim in the light blue of day and blue of 008:073;01[' ]| night little scenes the curtains parted the mud parted the 008:073;01[' ]| light went on he saw for me that too may be$1$ said there is 008:073;01[' ]| nothing against it 008:073;01[' ]| 008:073;01[' ]| silence more and more longer and longer silences vast tracts 008:073;01[' ]| of time we at a loss more and more he for answers I for 008:073;01[' ]| questions sick of life in the light one question how often no 008:073;01[' ]| more figures no more time vast figure vast stretch of time 008:073;01[' ]| on his life in the dark the mud before me mainly curiosity 008:073;01[' ]| was he still alive YOUR LIFE HERE BEFORE ME 008:074;01[' ]| utter confusion 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| God on God desperation utter confusion did he believe he 008:074;01[' ]| believed then not could not any more his reasons both cases 008:074;01[' ]| my God 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| I pricked him how I pricked him in the end long before 008:074;01[' ]| purely curiosity was he still alive thump thump in the mud 008:074;01[' ]| vile tears of unbutcherable brother 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| if he heard a voice if only that if he had ever heard a 008:074;01[' ]| voice voices if only I had asked him that I could not I 008:074;01[' ]| had not heard it yet the voice the voices no knowing surely 008:074;01[' ]| not 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| I will not either in the end I will not hear it any more never 008:074;01[' ]| heard it it said so I murmur so no voice only his only Pim's 008:074;01[' ]| not his either no more Pim never any Pim never any voice 008:074;01[' ]| hard to$9$ believe in the dark the mud no voice no image in the 008:074;01[' ]| end long before 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| samples whatever comes remembered imagined no knowing 008:074;01[' ]| life above life here God in heaven yes or no if he loved 008:074;01[' ]| me a little if Pim loved me a little yes or no if I loved him 008:074;01[' ]| a little in the dark the mud in spite of all a little affection 008:074;01[' ]| find someone at last someone find you at last live together 008:074;01[' ]| glued together love each other a little love a little without 008:074;01[' ]| being loved be loved a little without loving answer that 008:074;01[' ]| leave it vague leave it dark 008:074;01[' ]| 008:074;01[' ]| end of part two part one is ended leaving only part three 008:074;01[' ]| and last they were good moments there will be$1$ good 008:074;01[' ]| moments less good it must be$1$ expected but first a 008:075;01[' ]| little frisk the last new position and effect on soul 008:075;01[' ]| 008:075;01[' ]| I let go the sack let go Pim that is the worst letting go the 008:075;01[' ]| sack and away semi-side left right leg right arm push pull 008:075;01[' ]| right right do not lose him round his head hairpin turn right 008:075;01[' ]| right straighten up across his arm along his side close in and 008:075;01[' ]| halt my head to$4$ his feet his to$4$ mine long rest growing 008:075;01[' ]| anguish 008:075;01[' ]| 008:075;01[' ]| suddenly back hugging the flesh west and north with my 008:075;01[' ]| right hand I seize his skin too big for him and pull myself 008:075;01[' ]| forward last little frisk back to$4$ my place I should never have$1$ 008:075;01[' ]| left it I will never leave it again I grasp the sack it has not 008:075;01[' ]| stirred Pim has not stirred our hands touch long silence long 008:075;01[' ]| rest vast stretch of time 008:075;01[' ]| 008:075;01[' ]| YOUR LIFE ABOVE no more need of light two lines only 008:075;01[' ]| and Pim to$9$ speak he turns his head tears in the eyes my 008:075;01[' ]| tears my eyes if I had any it was then I needed them not 008:075;01[' ]| now 008:075;01[' ]| 008:075;01[' ]| his right cheek to$4$ the mud his mouth to$4$ my ear our narrow 008:075;01[' ]| shoulders overlapping his hairs in mine human breath shrill 008:075;01[' ]| murmur if too loud finger in arse I will stir no more from this 008:075;01[' ]| place I am still there 008:075;01[' ]| 008:075;01[' ]| soon unbearable thump on skull long silence vast stretch 008:075;01[' ]| of time soon unbearable opener arse or capitals if he 008:075;01[' ]| has lost the thread YOUR LIFE CUNT ABOVE 008:075;01[' ]| CUNT HERE CUNT as it comes bits and scraps all 008:075;01[' ]| sorts not so many and to$9$ conclude happy end cut 008:075;01[' ]| thrust DO YOU LOVE ME no or nails armpit and 008:075;01[' ]| little song to$9$ conclude happy end of part two leaving 008:076;01[' ]| only part three and last the day comes I come to$4$ 008:076;01[' ]| the day Bom comes YOU BOM me Bom ME BOM you 008:076;01[' ]| Bom we Bom 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| he is coming I will have$1$ a voice no voice in the world but mine 008:076;01[' ]| a murmur had a life up above down here I will see my things 008:076;01[' ]| again a little blue in the mud a little white our things little 008:076;01[' ]| scenes skies especially and paths 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| and me see me catch a glimpse ten seconds fifteen seconds 008:076;01[' ]| cowering quiet as a mouse in my hole or night come at last 008:076;01[' ]| less light a little less hastening towards the next much 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| better much safer that will be$1$ good good moments the good 008:076;01[' ]| moments I will have$1$ had up there down here nothing left but 008:076;01[' ]| go to$4$ heaven 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| samples my life above Pim's life we are talking of Pim my life 008:076;01[' ]| up there my wife stop opener arse slow to$9$ start then no 008:076;01[' ]| holding him thump on skull long silence 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| my wife above Pam Prim can not remember can not see her$6$ she 008:076;01[' ]| shaved her$2$ mound never saw that I talk like him I do we are 008:076;01[' ]| talking of me like him little blurts midget grammar past that 008:076;01[' ]| then plof down the hole 008:076;01[' ]| 008:076;01[' ]| I talk like him Bom will talk like me only one kind 008:076;01[' ]| of talk here one after another the voice said so it talks 008:076;01[' ]| like us the voice of us all quaqua on all sides then in 008:076;01[' ]| us when the panting stops bits and scraps that is where 008:076;01[' ]| we get it our old talk each his own way each his needs 008:076;01[' ]| the best he can it stops ours starts starts again no 008:076;01[' ]| knowing 008:077;01[' ]| Pam Prim we made love every day then every third then 008:077;01[' ]| the Saturday then just the odd time to$9$ get rid of it tried to$9$ 008:077;01[' ]| revive it through the arse too late she fell from the window 008:077;01[' ]| or jumped broken solumn 008:077;01[' ]| 008:077;01[' ]| in the ward before she went every day all winter she forgave 008:077;01[' ]| me everybody all mankind she grew good God calling her$6$ 008:077;01[' ]| home the blue mound strange idea not bad she must have$1$ 008:077;01[' ]| been dark on the deathbed it grew again 008:077;01[' ]| 008:077;01[' ]| the flowers on the night-table she could not turn her$2$ head 008:077;01[' ]| I see the flowers I held them at arm's length before her$2$ eyes 008:077;01[' ]| the things you see right hand left hand before her$2$ eyes that 008:077;01[' ]| was my visit and she forgiving marguerites from the latin 008:077;01[' ]| pearl they were all I could find 008:077;01[' ]| 008:077;01[' ]| iron bed glossy white two foot wide all was white high off 008:077;01[' ]| the ground vision of love in it see others' furniture and not 008:077;01[' ]| the loved one how can one 008:077;01[' ]| 008:077;01[' ]| sitting on the foot of the bed holding the vase bile-green 008:077;01[' ]| flute the feet dangling the flowers between the face through 008:077;01[' ]| them that I forget what it was like except intact white as 008:077;01[' ]| chalk not a scratch or my eyes roved there were a score of 008:077;01[' ]| them 008:077;01[' ]| 008:077;01[' ]| outside the road going down lined with trees thousands 008:077;01[' ]| all the same same species never knew which miles of 008:077;01[' ]| hill straight as a ribbon never saw that toil in winter 008:077;01[' ]| to$4$ the top the frozen slush the black boughs grey with 008:077;01[' ]| hoar she at the end at the top dying forgiving all 008:077;01[' ]| white 008:078;01[' ]| the holly she had begged for the berries anything a little 008:078;01[' ]| colour a little green so much white the ivy anything tell her$6$ 008:078;01[' ]| I could not find find the words the places she must have$1$ done 008:078;01[' ]| it in summer July August find the words tell her$6$ the places 008:078;01[' ]| where I had looked left foot right foot one step forward two 008:078;01[' ]| back 008:078;01[' ]| 008:078;01[' ]| my life above what I did in my life above a little of everything 008:078;01[' ]| tried everything then gave up no worse always a hole 008:078;01[' ]| a ruin always a crust never any good at anything not made 008:078;01[' ]| for that farrago too complicated crawl about in corners and 008:078;01[' ]| sleep all I wanted I got it nothing left but go to$4$ heaven 008:078;01[' ]| 008:078;01[' ]| papa no idea building trade perhaps some branch or other 008:078;01[' ]| fell off the scaffolding on his arse no the scaffolding that fell 008:078;01[' ]| and he with it landed on his arse dead burst it must have$1$ 008:078;01[' ]| been him or the uncle God knows 008:078;01[' ]| 008:078;01[' ]| mamma none either column of jade bible invisible in the 008:078;01[' ]| black hand only the edge red gilt the black finger inside 008:078;01[' ]| psalm one hundred and something oh God man his days as 008:078;01[' ]| grass flower of the field wind above in the clouds the face 008:078;01[' ]| ivory pallor muttering lips all the lower it is possible 008:078;01[' ]| 008:078;01[' ]| never anyone never knew anyone always ran fled elsewhere 008:078;01[' ]| some other place my life above places paths nothing else 008:078;01[' ]| brief places long paths the quickest way or a thousand 008:078;01[' ]| detours the safest way always at night less light a little less A 008:078;01[' ]| to$4$ B B to$4$ C home at last safe at last drop sleep 008:078;01[' ]| 008:078;01[' ]| first sounds feet whispers clink of iron do not look head in my 008:078;01[' ]| arms face to$4$ the ground macfarlane on top of all turn the 008:078;01[' ]| head in the cover of the cloak make a chink open the eyes 008:078;01[' ]| close them quick close the chink wait for night 008:079;01[' ]| B to$4$ C C to$4$ D from hell to$4$ home hell to$4$ home to$4$ hell always 008:079;01[' ]| at night Z to$4$ A divine forgetting enough 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| did he think did we think just enough to$9$ speak enough to$9$ 008:079;01[' ]| hear not even comma a mouth a ear sly old pair glued together 008:079;01[' ]| take away the rest put them in a jar there to$9$ end if 008:079;01[' ]| a a end the monologue 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| dream then that at least certainly not me dream me Pim 008:079;01[' ]| Bom to$9$ be$1$ me think pah 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| all alone Pim all alone before me his voice come back did he 008:079;01[' ]| speak the way I do part three the way I murmur in the mud 008:079;01[' ]| what I hear in me when the panting stops bits and scraps if 008:079;01[' ]| only I had asked I could not I did not know I did not speak not 008:079;01[' ]| yet he would not have$1$ known YES OR NO I do not know I 008:079;01[' ]| will not know I did not ask I will not be$1$ asked 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| my voice is going it will come back my first voice no voice 008:079;01[' ]| above none there either Pim's life above never was never 008:079;01[' ]| spoke to$4$ anyone never solo mute words no sound it is possible 008:079;01[' ]| brief movements of the lower great confusion no 008:079;01[' ]| knowing 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| if Bom never came if only that but then how end the hand 008:079;01[' ]| dipping clawing for the tin the arse instead of the familiar 008:079;01[' ]| slime all imagination and all the rest this voice its promises 008:079;01[' ]| and solaces all imagination dear bud dear worm 008:079;01[' ]| 008:079;01[' ]| all that always every word as I hear it in me that was 008:079;01[' ]| without when the panting stops and murmur it in the mud bits 008:079;01[' ]| and scraps I say it once more every word always I will 008:079;01[' ]| say$1$ it no more and now what to$9$ end is there anything 008:079;01[' ]| left before going on and ending part two leaving only 008:080;01[' ]| part three and last yes all alone there is left all alone 008:080;01[' ]| alas 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| all alone and the witness bending over me name Kram bending 008:080;01[' ]| over us father to$4$ son to$4$ grandson yes or no and the 008:080;01[' ]| scribe name Krim generations of scribes keeping the record 008:080;01[' ]| a little aloof sitting standing it is not said yes or no samples 008:080;01[' ]| extracts 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| brief movements of the lower face no sound or too faint 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| ten yards one hour forty minutes six yards per hour or better 008:080;01[' ]| it is clearer one palm per minute I remembered my days 008:080;01[' ]| a handbreadth my life as nothing man a vapour 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| struggles to$9$ open tin long struggles could not see of what 008:080;01[' ]| change our lamps gives up puts back tin and opener in sack 008:080;01[' ]| very calm 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| slept six minutes breathing fitful set off on waking six yards 008:080;01[' ]| and a inch or two one hour twelve minutes drops 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| end of seventh year of stillness beginning of eighth brief 008:080;01[' ]| movements of the snout would seem to$9$ be$1$ eating the mud 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| three o'clock morning starts muttering my astoundment 008:080;01[' ]| then succeed in catching a few scraps Pim Bim proper 008:080;01[' ]| names presumably imagination dreams things memories 008:080;01[' ]| lives impossible here is my first-born old workshop 008:080;01[' ]| farewell 008:080;01[' ]| 008:080;01[' ]| monster silences vast tracts of time perfect nothingness 008:081;01[' ]| reread the ancient's notes pass the time beginning of the 008:081;01[' ]| murmur his last day lucky devil be in on that what is the use of 008:081;01[' ]| me 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| reread our notes pass the time more about me than him 008:081;01[' ]| hardly a word out of him now not a mum this past year and 008:081;01[' ]| more I lose the nine-tenths it starts so sudden comes so faint 008:081;01[' ]| goes so fast ends so soon I am on it in a ash it is over 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| no more motion than a slab and forbidden to$9$ take our eyes 008:081;01[' ]| of him what is the use of that Krim says his number is up 008:081;01[' ]| so is mine we dare not leave him quick all numbers up it is the 008:081;01[' ]| only solution 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| yesterday in grandpa's notes the place where he wishes he 008:081;01[' ]| were dead weakness happily honour of the family short-lived 008:081;01[' ]| he stuck it out till his time was up whereas happy me 008:081;01[' ]| tedium inaction do not make me laugh question of character 008:081;01[' ]| and the business in the blood 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| I lie by his side happy innovation handier for keeping a eye 008:081;01[' ]| on him not a quiver that escapes me than squatting on the 008:081;01[' ]| little stool old style even papa and the state he is ill now 008:081;01[' ]| less the eye than the ear if I may say$1$ so it is obvious new 008:081;01[' ]| methods a necessity 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| Krim too straight as a die at his stand ballpoint at the ready 008:081;01[' ]| on the alert for the least never long idle if nothing I invent 008:081;01[' ]| must keep busy otherwise death 008:081;01[' ]| 008:081;01[' ]| one notebook for the body inodorous farts stools idem pure 008:081;01[' ]| mud suckings shudders little spasms of left hand in sack 008:082;01[' ]| quiverings of the lower without sound movements of the head 008:082;01[' ]| calm unhurried the face raised from the mud or the 008:082;01[' ]| left cheek or the right cheek and the right cheek or the left 008:082;01[' ]| cheek laid there in its stead or the face or the right cheek or 008:082;01[' ]| the left cheek or the face respectively a new development 008:082;01[' ]| in my opinion a good mark for me what does it remind me 008:082;01[' ]| 008:082;01[' ]| Kram the Seventh at his last gasp perhaps his face whiter 008:082;01[' ]| than the pillow-slip and me still a shitty little chit can it be$1$ 008:082;01[' ]| the end at last the long calm agony and me the happy 008:082;01[' ]| witness elect one notebook for all that in any case entries such 008:082;01[' ]| as sample eighth of May Victory Day impression that he is 008:082;01[' ]| sinking Krim says I am mad 008:082;01[' ]| 008:082;01[' ]| a second for the mutterings verbatim no tampering very 008:082;01[' ]| little a third this for my comments whereas up till now all 008:082;01[' ]| pell-mell in the same blue yellow and red respectively 008:082;01[' ]| simple once you have thought of it 008:082;01[' ]| 008:082;01[' ]| steeping sweating in the light of my lamps he murmurs of 008:082;01[' ]| darkness can he be$1$ blind he must the great blue eyes he 008:082;01[' ]| opens sometimes and of a companion I see none in his head 008:082;01[' ]| the dark the friend 008:082;01[' ]| 008:082;01[' ]| forbidden to$9$ touch him we might relieve him Krim is all 008:082;01[' ]| for it and be damned clean his buttocks at least wipe his 008:082;01[' ]| face what do we risk no*one will know you never know 008:082;01[' ]| safer not 008:082;01[' ]| 008:082;01[' ]| dreamt of the great Kram the Ninth the greatest of us all 008:082;01[' ]| up to$4$ date never met him more is the pity grandpa remembered 008:083;01[' ]| him raving mad before the limit brought up by force 008:083;01[' ]| trussed like a faggot Krim vanished never seen again 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| he the first to$9$ have$1$ pity happily to$4$ no effect honour of the 008:083;01[' ]| family to$9$ eliminate the little stool regrettable innovation 008:083;01[' ]| discarded and the idea of the three books set aside where is 008:083;01[' ]| the greatness it is there 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| rich testimony I agree questionable into the bargain 008:083;01[' ]| especially the yellow book that is not the voice of here 008:083;01[' ]| here all self to$9$ be$1$ abandoned say nothing when 008:083;01[' ]| nothing 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| blue the eyes I see them old stone perhaps our new daylight 008:083;01[' ]| lamps it is possible I agree and in the head the dark and 008:083;01[' ]| friend I agree but this voice the voice of all what voice I 008:083;01[' ]| hear none and who all damn it I am the thirteenth 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| generation 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| but of course here too no knowing our senses our lights 008:083;01[' ]| what do they amount to$9$ look at me and even if I here 008:083;01[' ]| thirteen lives I say thirteen but long before who knows how 008:083;01[' ]| long how many other dynasties 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| this voice yes the sad truth is there are moments when I 008:083;01[' ]| fancy I can hear it and my lamps that my lamps are going 008:083;01[' ]| out Krim says I am mad 008:083;01[' ]| 008:083;01[' ]| two more years to$9$ put in a little more then back to$4$ the surface 008:083;01[' ]| ah no lie down if I could lie down never stir any more 008:083;01[' ]| I feel I could weakness for pity's sake honour of the family 008:083;01[' ]| if I could move on a little further if there is a further we 008:084;01[' ]| only know this little pool of light there was a time he moved 008:084;01[' ]| it is in the book a little further in the mud the dark and 008:084;01[' ]| drop my first-born dying to$4$ his grandchild your papa's 008:084;01[' ]| grandpapa disappeared never came up never seen again 008:084;01[' ]| bear it in mind when your time comes 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| little private book these secret things little book all my own 008:084;01[' ]| the heart's outpourings day by day it is forbidden one big 008:084;01[' ]| book and everything there Krim imagines I am drawing 008:084;01[' ]| what then places faces loved forgotten 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| that is enough end of extracts yes or no yes or no no no no 008:084;01[' ]| witness no scribe all alone and yet I hear it murmur it all 008:084;01[' ]| alone in the dark the mud and yet 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| and now to$9$ continue to$9$ conclude to$9$ be$1$ able a few more little 008:084;01[' ]| scenes life above in the light as it comes as I hear it word for 008:084;01[' ]| word last little scenes I set him off stop him short thump 008:084;01[' ]| thump can not take any more or he stops can not give any more 008:084;01[' ]| it is one or the other opener instantly or not often not silence 008:084;01[' ]| rest 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| he has stopped I have made him stop suffered him to$9$ stop 008:084;01[' ]| it is one or the other not specified the thing stops and more 008:084;01[' ]| or less long silence not specified more or less long rest I set 008:084;01[' ]| him off again opener or capitals as the case may be$1$ 008:084;01[' ]| otherwise never a word new instalment so on 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| the gaps are the holes otherwise it flows more or less more or 008:084;01[' ]| less profound the holes we are talking of the holes not 008:084;01[' ]| 008:084;01[' ]| specified not possible no point I feel them and wait till he can 008:084;01[' ]| out and on again or I do not and opener or I do and opener 008:085;01[' ]| just the same that helps him out as I hear it as it comes 008:085;01[' ]| word for word to$9$ continue to$9$ conclude to$9$ be$1$ able part two 008:085;01[' ]| leaving only three and last 008:085;01[' ]| 008:085;01[' ]| what land all lands midnight sun midday night all latitudes 008:085;01[' ]| all longitudes 008:085;01[' ]| all longitudes 008:085;01[' ]| 008:085;01[' ]| what men all colours black to$4$ white tried them all then 008:085;01[' ]| gave up no worse too vague pardon pity home to$4$ native 008:085;01[' ]| land to$9$ die in my twenties iron constitution above in the 008:085;01[' ]| light my life my living made my living tried everything 008:085;01[' ]| building mostly it was booming all branches plaster mostly 008:085;01[' ]| met Pam I think 008:085;01[' ]| 008:085;01[' ]| love birth of love increase decrease death efforts to$9$ 008:085;01[' ]| resuscitate through the arse joint vain through the cunt anew 008:085;01[' ]| vain jumped from window or fell broken column hospital 008:085;01[' ]| marguerites lies about mistletoe forgiveness 008:085;01[' ]| 008:085;01[' ]| out by day no by night less light a little less hid by day a 008:085;01[' ]| hole a ruin land strewn with ruins all ages my spinal dog it 008:085;01[' ]| licked my genitals Skom Skum run over by a dray it had not 008:085;01[' ]| all its wits broken column in my thirties and still alive robust 008:085;01[' ]| constitution what am I to$9$ do$1$ 008:085;01[' ]| 008:085;01[' ]| life little scenes just time to$9$ see the hangings part heavy 008:085;01[' ]| swing of black velvet what life whose life ten twelve years 008:085;01[' ]| old sleeping in the sun at the foot of the wall white dust a 008:085;01[' ]| palm thick azure little clouds other details silence falls 008:085;01[' ]| again 008:086;01[' ]| what sun what have I said no matter I have said something 008:086;01[' ]| that is what was needed seen something called it above said 008:086;01[' ]| it was so said it was me ten twelve years old sleeping in the 008:086;01[' ]| sun in the dust to$9$ have$1$ a moment's peace I have it I had it 008:086;01[' ]| opener arse following scene and words 008:086;01[' ]| 008:086;01[' ]| sea beneath the moon harbour-mouth after the sun the 008:086;01[' ]| moon always light day and night little heap in the stern it is 008:086;01[' ]| me all those I see are me all ages the current carries me out 008:086;01[' ]| the awaited ebb I am looking for a isle home at last 008:086;01[' ]| drop never move again a little turn at evening to$4$ the 008:086;01[' ]| sea-shore seawards then back drop sleep wake in the silence 008:086;01[' ]| eyes that dare open stay open live old dream on crabs 008:086;01[' ]| kelp 008:086;01[' ]| 008:086;01[' ]| astern receding land of brothers dimming lights mountain if 008:086;01[' ]| I turn water roughening he falls I fall on my knees crawl 008:086;01[' ]| forward clink of chains perhaps it is not me perhaps it is 008:086;01[' ]| another perhaps it is another voyage confusion with another 008:086;01[' ]| what isle what moon you say the thing you see the thoughts 008:086;01[' ]| sometimes that go with it it disappears the voice goes on a 008:086;01[' ]| few words it can stop it can go on depending on what it is 008:086;01[' ]| not known it is not said 008:086;01[' ]| 008:086;01[' ]| on what the nails that can go on the hand dead a fraction of 008:086;01[' ]| a inch life a little slow to$9$ leave them the hair the head dead 008:086;01[' ]| a hoop rolled by a child me higher than him me I fall disappear 008:086;01[' ]| the hoop rolls on a little way loses way rocks falls 008:086;01[' ]| disappears the garden-path is still 008:086;01[' ]| 008:086;01[' ]| can not go on we are talking of me not Pim Pim is finished he 008:086;01[' ]| has finished me now part three not Pim my voice not his saying 008:087;01[' ]| this these words can not go on and Pim that Pim never was 008:087;01[' ]| and Bom whose coming I await to$9$ finish be finished 008:087;01[' ]| have finished me too that Bom will never be$1$ no Pim no Bom 008:087;01[' ]| and this voice quaqua of us all never was only one voice 008:087;01[' ]| my voice never any other 008:087;01[' ]| 008:087;01[' ]| all that not Pim I who murmur all that a voice mine alone 008:087;01[' ]| and that bending over me noting down one word every 008:087;01[' ]| three two words every five from age to$4$ age yes or no but 008:087;01[' ]| above all go on impossible for the moment quite impossible 008:087;01[' ]| that is the essential nay folly I hear it murmur it to$4$ the mud 008:087;01[' ]| folly folly stop your drivel draw the mud about your face 008:087;01[' ]| children do it in the sand at the sea-shore in the country in 008:087;01[' ]| the sandpits the humbler 008:087;01[' ]| 008:087;01[' ]| all about pressed tight as a child you would have$1$ done it in 008:087;01[' ]| the sandpits even you the mud above the temples and nothing 008:087;01[' ]| more be seen but three grey hairs old wig rotting on a 008:087;01[' ]| muckheap false skull foul with mould and rest you can say$1$ 008:087;01[' ]| nothing when time ends you may end 008:087;01[' ]| 008:087;01[' ]| all that the time it takes to$9$ say$1$ all that my voice a voice of 008:087;01[' ]| mine not like that more faint less clear but the purport and 008:087;01[' ]| back to$4$ Pim where abandoned part two it still can end it 008:087;01[' ]| must end it is preferable only a third to$9$ go two fifths then 008:087;01[' ]| part three leaving only part three 008:087;01[' ]| 008:087;01[' ]| E then good and deep sick of light quick now the end above 008:087;01[' ]| last thing last sky that fly perhaps gliding on the pane the 008:087;01[' ]| counterpane all summer before it or noonday glory of 008:087;01[' ]| colours behind the pane in the mouth of the cave and the 008:087;01[' ]| approaching veils 008:088;01[' ]| two veils from left and right they approach come together 008:088;01[' ]| or one down the other up or aslant diagonal from left or 008:088;01[' ]| right top corner right or left bottom corner one two three 008:088;01[' ]| and four they approach come together 008:088;01[' ]| 008:088;01[' ]| a first pair then others on top as many times as necessary or 008:088;01[' ]| a first one two three or four a second two three four or one 008:088;01[' ]| a third three four one or two a fourth four one two or three 008:088;01[' ]| as many times as necessary 008:088;01[' ]| 008:088;01[' ]| for what for to$9$ be$1$ happy eyes starting pupils staring night 008:088;01[' ]| in the midst of day better the fly at break of morn four 008:088;01[' ]| o'clock five o'clock the sun rises its day begins the fly we are 008:088;01[' ]| talking of a fly its day its summer on the pane the 008:088;01[' ]| counterpane its life last thing last sky 008:088;01[' ]| 008:088;01[' ]| E then good and deep quick now the end above sick of light 008:088;01[' ]| and nail on skin for the down-stroke of the Roman N when 008:088;01[' ]| suddenly too soon too soon a few more little scenes 008:088;01[' ]| suddenly I cross it out good and deep Saint Andrew of the 008:088;01[' ]| Black Sea and opener signifying again I am subject to$4$ these 008:088;01[' ]| whims 008:088;01[' ]| 008:088;01[' ]| my life again above in the light the sack stirs grows still 008:088;01[' ]| again stirs again the light through the worn thread strains 008:088;01[' ]| less white sharp sounds distant still but less it is evening he 008:088;01[' ]| crawls tiny out of the sack me again I am there again the first 008:088;01[' ]| is always me then the others 008:088;01[' ]| 008:088;01[' ]| what age my God fifty sixty eighty shrunken kneeling arse 008:088;01[' ]| on heels hands on ground splayed like feet very clear picture 008:088;01[' ]| thighs aching the arse rises the head drops touches the 008:088;01[' ]| straw it is preferable sound of sweeping the dog's tail we 008:088;01[' ]| want to$9$ go on home at last 008:089;01[' ]| my eyes open still too light I see each halm sounds of hammers 008:089;01[' ]| three or four at least hammers chisels crosses perhaps 008:089;01[' ]| or some other ornament 008:089;01[' ]| 008:089;01[' ]| I crawl to$4$ the door raise my head yes I assure you peer 008:089;01[' ]| through a chink and so I would go to$4$ the world's end on my 008:089;01[' ]| knees to$4$ the world's end right round it on my knees arms 008:089;01[' ]| forelegs eyes a inch from the ground I would smell the world 008:089;01[' ]| again my laughter in dry weather raises the dust on my 008:089;01[' ]| knees up the gangways between decks with the 008:089;01[' ]| emigrants 008:089;01[' ]| 008:089;01[' ]| homer mauve light of evening mauve wave among the 008:089;01[' ]| streets the serotines abroad already we not yet not such fools 008:089;01[' ]| I am the brain of the two sounds distant still but less 008:089;01[' ]| its the evening air does that one must understand these 008:089;01[' ]| things and later drawing near that it is only a creaking 008:089;01[' ]| of wheels drawing near iron felly jolting on the stones 008:089;01[' ]| the harvest perhaps coming home but the hooves in that 008:089;01[' ]| case 008:089;01[' ]| 008:089;01[' ]| no matter there I am again how I last on my knees hands 008:089;01[' ]| joined before my face thumb-tips before my nose finger-tips 008:089;01[' ]| before the door my crown or vertex against the door one can 008:089;01[' ]| see the attitude not knowing what to$9$ say$1$ whom to$9$ implore 008:089;01[' ]| what to$9$ implore no matter it is the attitude that counts it is 008:089;01[' ]| the intention 008:089;01[' ]| 008:089;01[' ]| how I last some day it will be$1$ night and all asleep we shall 008:089;01[' ]| slip out the tail sweeps the straw it has not all its wits mine 008:089;01[' ]| now to$9$ think for us both here come the veils most dear from 008:089;01[' ]| left and right they wipe us away then the rest the whole 008:089;01[' ]| door away life above little scene I could not have$1$ imagined it 008:089;01[' ]| I could not 008:090;01[' ]| thump on skull no point in post mortems and then what 008:090;01[' ]| then what we will try and see last words cut thrust a few words 008:090;01[' ]| DO YOU LOVE ME CUNT no disappearance of Pim end 008:090;01[' ]| of part two leaving only part three and last one can not go on 008:090;01[' ]| one goes on as before can one ever stop put a stop 008:090;01[' ]| that is more like it one can not go on one can not stop put a 008:090;01[' ]| stop 008:090;01[' ]| 008:090;01[' ]| so Pim stops life above in the light he can not give any more 008:090;01[' ]| me permitting or thump on skull I can not take any more it is 008:090;01[' ]| one or the other and what then him me l will ask him but 008:090;01[' ]| first me when Pim stops what becomes of me but first 008:090;01[' ]| the bodies glued together mine on the north good so 008:090;01[' ]| much for the trunks the legs but the hands when Pim 008:090;01[' ]| stops where are they the arms the hands what are they 008:090;01[' ]| 008:090;01[' ]| his right way off on the right axis of the clavicle or cross 008:090;01[' ]| Saint Andrew of the Volga mine about his shoulders his 008:090;01[' ]| neck I can not see good so much for the right arms and their 008:090;01[' ]| hands I can not see it is not said in keeping and the others the 008:090;01[' ]| left the arms we are talking of our arms full stretch before us 008:090;01[' ]| the hands together in the sack good so much for the four 008:090;01[' ]| arms the four hands but how together touching simply or 008:090;01[' ]| clasped 008:090;01[' ]| 008:090;01[' ]| clasped but how clasped as in the handshake no but his at 008:090;01[' ]| mine on top the crooked fingers slipped between his the 008:090;01[' ]| nails against his palm it is the position they have finally 008:090;01[' ]| adopted clear picture of that good and parenthesis the 008:090;01[' ]| vision suddenly too late a little late of how my injunctions 008:090;01[' ]| by other means more humane 008:091;01[' ]| my behests by a different set of signals quite different more 008:091;01[' ]| humane more subtle from left hand to$4$ left hand in the sack 008:091;01[' ]| nails and palm scratching pressing but no always the right 008:091;01[' ]| hand thump on skull claws in armpit for the song blade in 008:091;01[' ]| arse pestle on kidney slap athwart and index in hole all 008:091;01[' ]| the needful up to$4$ the end great pity good and the heads 008:091;01[' ]| 008:091;01[' ]| heads together necessarily my right shoulder overriding his 008:091;01[' ]| left I have the upper everywhere but how together like two 008:091;01[' ]| old jades harnessed together no but mine my head its face 008:091;01[' ]| in the mud and his its right cheek in the mud his mouth 008:091;01[' ]| against my ear our hairs tangled together impression that 008:091;01[' ]| to$9$ separate us one would have$1$ to$9$ sever them good so much 008:091;01[' ]| for the bodies the arms the hands the heads 008:091;01[' ]| 008:091;01[' ]| what then became of us him me flop back into the past in 008:091;01[' ]| this position when the silence when Pim stopped past giving 008:091;01[' ]| any more me permitting or thump on skull past taking any 008:091;01[' ]| more I will ask him but me me 008:091;01[' ]| 008:091;01[' ]| question if what he has said or rather I heard of that voice 008:091;01[' ]| ruined from such long silence a third two fifths or every 008:091;01[' ]| word question if there when it stops if somewhere there 008:091;01[' ]| food for thought prayer without words against a stable-door 008:091;01[' ]| long icy toil towards the too late all-forgiving what else 008:091;01[' ]| night at dead water on the deep on the little sea poor in isles 008:091;01[' ]| or else some other voyage 008:091;01[' ]| 008:091;01[' ]| there wherewith to$9$ beguile a moment of this vast season 008:091;01[' ]| or just a drop of water for the thirst that you drink and 008:091;01[' ]| goodbye answer just a drop of ditch-water I would be$1$ glad of a 008:091;01[' ]| sup at this hour 008:092;01[' ]| and question what can I ask him now what on earth ask him 008:092;01[' ]| further busy myself with that if only a few seconds they 008:092;01[' ]| would be$1$ good seconds answer no they would not either 008:092;01[' ]| question why answer because ah yes there is reason in me 008:092;01[' ]| yet because all the things I have asked him and do not as much 008:092;01[' ]| as know what but only know if as much that he is there still 008:092;01[' ]| half in my arms cleaving to$4$ me with all his little length 008:092;01[' ]| that is something to$9$ know and in that little ageless body 008:092;01[' ]| black with mud when the silence falls again enough 008:092;01[' ]| feeling still for him to$9$ be$1$ there still 008:092;01[' ]| 008:092;01[' ]| with me someone there with me still and me there still 008:092;01[' ]| strange wish when the silence there still enough for me to$9$ 008:092;01[' ]| wonder if only a few seconds if he is breathing still or in my 008:092;01[' ]| arms already a true corpse untorturable henceforward and 008:092;01[' ]| this warmth under my arm against my side merely the mud 008:092;01[' ]| that stays warm as we have seen words my truant guides 008:092;01[' ]| with you strange journeys 008:092;01[' ]| 008:092;01[' ]| merrily then once again push pull if only a herring from 008:092;01[' ]| time to$4$ time a prawn they would be$1$ good moments alas 008:092;01[' ]| wrong road we are not on that road any more the tins in the 008:092;01[' ]| depths of the sack hermetically under vacuum on their dead 008:092;01[' ]| for*ever sealed the voice stops for one or the other reason 008:092;01[' ]| and life along with it above in the light and we along with 008:092;01[' ]| it that is what becomes of us 008:092;01[' ]| 008:092;01[' ]| me at least him I have still to$9$ ask what becomes of me at 008:092;01[' ]| least when the silence I stop then start again opener or 008:092;01[' ]| capitals and in the hairs against my ear the extorted voice 008:092;01[' ]| life above a murmur pestle on kidney louder clearer and 008:092;01[' ]| what will become of me when I have it no more I will have$1$ another 008:093;01[' ]| quaqua of us all I did not say$1$ it I did not know it then 008:093;01[' ]| my own I did not say$1$ it 008:093;01[' ]| 008:093;01[' ]| no nothing I said nothing I say it as I hear it I said always 008:093;01[' ]| brief movements of the lower no sound Pim's voice in my 008:093;01[' ]| ear that I would have$1$ it always and life above not possible otherwise 008:093;01[' ]| our little scenes blue by day always fine a few fleece 008:093;01[' ]| clouds the stars by night heavenly bodies never dark ad 008:093;01[' ]| libitum confidential between ourselves secrets a murmur 008:093;01[' ]| always and what is more in my opinion I hear it such a 008:093;01[' ]| question I murmur it my opinion such a question never 008:093;01[' ]| crossed never could my mind such a doubt my opinion I 008:093;01[' ]| hear it murmur it never never 008:093;01[' ]| 008:093;01[' ]| in a word Pim's voice then nothing life as we say little scene 008:093;01[' ]| one minute two minutes good moments then nothing even 008:093;01[' ]| better not a doubt Kram waits one year two years he knows 008:093;01[' ]| us something wrong there but all the same two years three 008:093;01[' ]| years in the end to$4$ Krim they are dead something wrong 008:093;01[' ]| there 008:093;01[' ]| 008:093;01[' ]| Krim dead are you mad one does not die here and with that 008:093;01[' ]| with his long index claw Kram shaken pierces the mud two 008:093;01[' ]| little flues to$4$ the skins then to$4$ Krim right for you they are 008:093;01[' ]| warm Krim to$4$ Kram roles reversed it is the mud Kram we will 008:093;01[' ]| leave them open and see one year two years Kram's finger 008:093;01[' ]| skins still warm 008:093;01[' ]| 008:093;01[' ]| Krim I can not credit it let us take their temperature Kram 008:093;01[' ]| no need the skin is rosy Krim rosy are you mad Kram they 008:093;01[' ]| are warm and rosy there it is we are nothing and we are rosy 008:093;01[' ]| good moments not a doubt 008:094;01[' ]| in a word once more once and for all Pim's voice then 008:094;01[' ]| nothing nothing then Pim's voice I make it stop suffer it to$9$ stop 008:094;01[' ]| then set if off again that I at last may be$1$ no more then at 008:094;01[' ]| last be again something there that escapes me since how 008:094;01[' ]| can I opener capitals and not be it is impossible it stands 008:094;01[' ]| to$4$ reason there is reason in me yet 008:094;01[' ]| 008:094;01[' ]| in a word more lively that is what I was getting at I have got 008:094;01[' ]| at it I say it as I hear it more how shall I say$1$ more lively 008:094;01[' ]| there is nothing better before Pim part one more independent 008:094;01[' ]| seeing my own little scenes crawling eating thinking 008:094;01[' ]| even if you insist a odd dim thought losing the one and 008:094;01[' ]| only opener hanging on to$4$ humankind a thousand and one 008:094;01[' ]| last shifts with emotions laughter even and tears to$9$ match 008:094;01[' ]| soon dried in a word hanging on 008:094;01[' ]| 008:094;01[' ]| nothing too to$9$ be$1$ sure often nothing in spite of everything 008:094;01[' ]| dead as mutton warm and rosy always inclined that way 008:094;01[' ]| ever since the womb if I may judge by what I know less and 008:094;01[' ]| less that is true of myself since the womb the panting stops 008:094;01[' ]| I murmur it 008:094;01[' ]| 008:094;01[' ]| even Pim with Pim in the beginning part two first half first 008:094;01[' ]| quarter more lively when I think that I could as I did train 008:094;01[' ]| him up as I did conceive that system then apply I can not get 008:094;01[' ]| over it make it work my undoing for*ever since it is clear 008:094;01[' ]| eyelids part close again quick I have seen myself quite clear 008:094;01[' ]| ever since nothing left but voice 008:094;01[' ]| 008:094;01[' ]| Pim's then quaqua of us all then mine alone that of us all 008:094;01[' ]| mine alone after my fashion a murmur in the mud the thin 008:094;01[' ]| black air nothing left but short waves three hundred four 008:094;01[' ]| hundred yards per second brief movements of the lower 008:095;01[' ]| with murmur little tremble flush with the mud one yard two 008:095;01[' ]| yards me so lively nothing left but words a murmur on 008:095;01[' ]| and off 008:095;01[' ]| 008:095;01[' ]| so many words so many lost one every three two every five 008:095;01[' ]| first the sound then the sense same ratio or else not one not 008:095;01[' ]| one lost I hear all understand all and live again have lived 008:095;01[' ]| again I do not say$1$ above in the light among the shades in 008:095;01[' ]| search of shade I say here YOUR LIFE HERE in a word my 008:095;01[' ]| voice otherwise nothing therefore nothing otherwise my 008:095;01[' ]| voice therefore my voice so many words strung together 008:095;01[' ]| to$4$ the effect first example 008:095;01[' ]| 008:095;01[' ]| to$4$ the effect it is leaving me like the others then nothing 008:095;01[' ]| nothing but nothing then Bom life with Bom the old words 008:095;01[' ]| back from the dead a few old words his wish he is on my left 008:095;01[' ]| his right arm about me his left hand in mine in the sack his 008:095;01[' ]| ear against my mouth my life in the light a murmur a few 008:095;01[' ]| mouldy old reliables azure that never dies morning with 008:095;01[' ]| evening in its train other subdivisions of time one or two 008:095;01[' ]| usual flowers night always too light whatever may be$1$ said 008:095;01[' ]| to$4$ the contrary safe places one after another infernal homes 008:095;01[' ]| he will always have$1$ me with him a murmur of moments at 008:095;01[' ]| will from the long pest that did not finish us then yah 008:095;01[' ]| 008:095;01[' ]| solitary rat from head to$4$ foot in the dark the mud 008:095;01[' ]| 008:095;01[' ]| and to$4$ the effect second example no Pim no Bom I alone my 008:095;01[' ]| voice no other it leaves me I leave me it comes back to$4$ me 008:095;01[' ]| I come back to$4$ me or finally under the lamps third example 008:095;01[' ]| and last under the ideal observer's lamps sudden flurry of 008:095;01[' ]| mouth and adjacent all the lower brief dart of rosy tongue a 008:095;01[' ]| few beads of froth then sudden straight line lips gone no 008:095;01[' ]| trace of mucus gums clenched arch to$4$ arch he suspects 008:096;01[' ]| nothing but where am I flown then sudden same 008:096;01[' ]| again then then where do I go from then to$4$ then and in 008:096;01[' ]| between but first quick make a end of life in common 008:096;01[' ]| end at last of part two leaving only last at last 008:096;01[' ]| 008:096;01[' ]| YOUR LIFE HERE long pause YOUR LIFE HERE good 008:096;01[' ]| and deep long pause this dead soul what appal I can 008:096;01[' ]| imagine YOUR LIFE unfinished for murmur light of day light 008:096;01[' ]| of night little scene HERE to$4$ the quick and someone kneeling 008:096;01[' ]| or huddled in a corner in the gloom start of little scene 008:096;01[' ]| in the gloom HERE HERE to$4$ the bone the nail breaks quick 008:096;01[' ]| another in the furrows HERE HERE howls thump the 008:096;01[' ]| whole face in the mud mouth nose no more breath and 008:096;01[' ]| howls still never saw that before his life here howls in the 008:096;01[' ]| black air and the mud like a old infant's never to$9$ be$1$ stifled 008:096;01[' ]| good try again HERE HERE to$4$ the marrow howls to$9$ 008:096;01[' ]| drink solar years no figures until at last good he wins life 008:096;01[' ]| here this life he can not 008:096;01[' ]| 008:096;01[' ]| questions then DO YOU LOVE ME CUNT that family cut 008:096;01[' ]| thrust to$9$ make a end got there at last if he remembers how 008:096;01[' ]| he got here no one day he found himself here yes like when 008:096;01[' ]| one is born yes manner of speaking yes if he knows how 008:096;01[' ]| long ago no not even a rough idea no if he remembers how 008:096;01[' ]| he lived no always lived like that yes flat on his belly in the 008:096;01[' ]| mud yes in the dark yes with his sack yes 008:096;01[' ]| 008:096;01[' ]| never a gleam no never a soul no never a voice no I the first 008:096;01[' ]| yes never stirred no crawled no a few yards no ate pause 008:096;01[' ]| ATE good and deep no if he knows what is in the sack no 008:096;01[' ]| never had the curiosity no if he thinks he can die one day 008:096;01[' ]| pause DIE ONE DAY no 008:097;01[' ]| never did for anyone what I for him animate no sure yes 008:097;01[' ]| never felt another flesh against his no happy no unhappy no 008:097;01[' ]| if he feels me against him no only when I torment him 008:097;01[' ]| yes 008:097;01[' ]| 008:097;01[' ]| if he likes to$9$ sing no but sometimes he sings yes always the 008:097;01[' ]| same song pause SAME SONG yes if he sees things yes 008:097;01[' ]| often no little scenes yes in the light yes but not often no as 008:097;01[' ]| if a light went on yes as if yes 008:097;01[' ]| 008:097;01[' ]| sky and earth yes people poking about yes all over the place 008:097;01[' ]| yes and him there somewhere yes skulking somewhere yes 008:097;01[' ]| as if the mud opened yes or turned transparent yes but not 008:097;01[' ]| often no not long no otherwise black yes and he calls that 008:097;01[' ]| life above yes as against life here pause HERE howls 008:097;01[' ]| good 008:097;01[' ]| 008:097;01[' ]| they are not memories no he has no memories no nothing to$9$ 008:097;01[' ]| prove he was ever above no in the places he sees no but he 008:097;01[' ]| may have$1$ been yes skulking somewhere yes hugging the 008:097;01[' ]| walls yes by night yes he can not affirm anything no deny 008:097;01[' ]| anything no so one can not speak of memories no but at the same 008:097;01[' ]| time one can speak of them yes 008:097;01[' ]| 008:097;01[' ]| if he talks to$4$ himself no thinks no believes in God yes every 008:097;01[' ]| day no wishes to$9$ die yes but does not expect to$9$ no he 008:097;01[' ]| expects to$9$ stay where he is yes fiat as a cowclap on his belly 008:097;01[' ]| yes in the mud yes without motion yes without thought yes 008:097;01[' ]| eternally yes 008:097;01[' ]| 008:097;01[' ]| if he is sure of what he says no he can not affirm anything 008:097;01[' ]| no he may have$1$ forgotten many things no certain little 008:098;01[' ]| things yes the little there was yes such as having crawled 008:098;01[' ]| a little yes eaten a little yes thought a little murmured a 008:098;01[' ]| little for himself alone yes heard a human voice no he 008:098;01[' ]| would not have$1$ forgotten that no brushed against a brother 008:098;01[' ]| before me no he would not have$1$ forgotten that no 008:098;01[' ]| 008:098;01[' ]| if he wants me to$9$ leave him yes in peace yes without me 008:098;01[' ]| there is peace yes was peace yes every day no if he thinks 008:098;01[' ]| I will leave him no I will stay where I am yes glued to$4$ him yes 008:098;01[' ]| tormenting him yes eternally yes 008:098;01[' ]| 008:098;01[' ]| but he can not affirm anything no deny anything no things 008:098;01[' ]| may have$1$ been different yes his life here pause YOUR LIFE 008:098;01[' ]| HERE good and deep in the furrows howls thump face in 008:098;01[' ]| the mud nose mouth howls good he wins he can not 008:098;01[' ]| 008:098;01[' ]| ABOVE the light goes on little scenes in the mud or memories 008:098;01[' ]| of scenes past he finds the words for the sake of peace 008:098;01[' ]| HERE howls this life he can not or can not any more he was able 008:098;01[' ]| once how it was before the other with the other after the 008:098;01[' ]| other before me the little there was nearly all like me my life 008:098;01[' ]| here before Pim with Pim how it was the little there was 008:098;01[' ]| I have said it I have been able I think so as I hear it and say to$9$ 008:098;01[' ]| make a end with him a warning to$4$ me murmur to$4$ the mud 008:098;01[' ]| quick quick soon I will not be$1$ able either never any Pim never 008:098;01[' ]| was never anything of all this little quick then the little 008:098;01[' ]| that is left add it quick before Bom before he comes to$9$ 008:098;01[' ]| ask me how it was my life here before him the little that 008:098;01[' ]| is left add it quick how it was after Pim before Bom how 008:098;01[' ]| it is 008:098;01[' ]| quick then end at last of part two how it was with Pim 008:099;01[' ]| leaving at last only part three and last how it was after Pim 008:099;01[' ]| before Bom how it is saying as I hear it that one day all 008:099;01[' ]| that every word always as I hear it in me that was without 008:099;01[' ]| quaqua the voice of us all when the panting stops and 008:099;01[' ]| murmur in the mud to$4$ the mud that one day come back to$4$ 008:099;01[' ]| myself to$4$ Pim why not known not said from the nothing 008:099;01[' ]| come back from the nothing the surprise to$9$ find myself 008:099;01[' ]| alone at last no more Pim me alone in the dark the mud end 008:099;01[' ]| at last of part two how it was with Pim leaving at last only 008:099;01[' ]| part three and last how it was after Pim before Bom how it 008:099;01[' ]| is that is how it was with Pim 008:099;00[U ]| <3> 008:103;01@@@@@| 008:103;01[' ]| here then at last I quote on part three how it was after 008:103;01[' ]| Pim how it is part three at last and last towards which 008:103;01[' ]| lighter than air a instant flop fallen so many vows sighs 008:103;01[' ]| prayers without words ever since the first word I hear it 008:103;01[' ]| the word how 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| no more time I say it as I hear it murmur it in the mud I am 008:103;01[' ]| sinking sinking fast too strong no more head imagination 008:103;01[' ]| spent no more breath 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| the vast past near and far the old today of the extreme old 008:103;01[' ]| even the humming-bird known as the passing moment all 008:103;01[' ]| that 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| the vast past even the humming-bird it comes in from the 008:103;01[' ]| right I watch it fly lightning semi-circle deasil then respite 008:103;01[' ]| then the next then then or eyes closed it is preferable head 008:103;01[' ]| bowed or not before the storm brief blanks good moments 008:103;01[' ]| brief blacks then zzizz then next all that 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| all that almost blank that was so adorned a few traces that is 008:103;01[' ]| all seeing who I always more or less so little so little there 008:103;01[' ]| but there little there but there no alternative 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| before Pim long before with Pim vast tracts of time kinds 008:103;01[' ]| of thoughts same family divers doubts emotions too yes 008:103;01[' ]| emotions some with tears yes tears motions too and movements 008:103;01[' ]| both parts and whole as when he sets out to$9$ seek out 008:103;01[' ]| all of him sets out to$9$ seek out the true home 008:103;01[' ]| 008:103;01[' ]| there then more or less more of old less of late very little 008:103;01[' ]| these last tracts they are the last extremely little hardly at 008:103;01[' ]| all a few seconds on and off enough to$9$ mark a life 008:104;01[' ]| several lives crosses everywhere indelible traces 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| all that almost blank nothing to$9$ get out of it almost nothing 008:104;01[' ]| nothing to$9$ put in that is the saddest that would be$1$ the saddest 008:104;01[' ]| imagination on the decline having attained the bottom 008:104;01[' ]| what one calls sinking one is tempted 008:104;01[' ]| or ascending heaven at last no place like it in the end 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| or not stirring that too that is defendable half in the mud 008:104;01[' ]| half out 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| no more head in any case hardly any no more heart just 008:104;01[' ]| enough to$9$ be$1$ thankful for it a little thankful to$9$ be$1$ so little 008:104;01[' ]| there and sinking a little at last having attained the 008:104;01[' ]| bottom 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| a little cheerful the less you are there the more you are cheerful 008:104;01[' ]| when you are there less tears a little less when you are 008:104;01[' ]| there words lacking all lacking less tears for lack of words 008:104;01[' ]| lack of food even birth it is lacking all that makes you cheerful 008:104;01[' ]| it must be$1$ that all that a little more cheerful 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| how it was that is lacking before Pim with Pim all lost almost 008:104;01[' ]| all nothing left almost nothing but it has done great blessing 008:104;01[' ]| leaving only sithence how it was after Pim how it is vast 008:104;01[' ]| stretch of time before Pim with Pim vast tracts of time a few 008:104;01[' ]| minutes on and off added up vast stretch eternity same scale 008:104;01[' ]| of magnitude nothing there almost nothing 008:104;01[' ]| 008:104;01[' ]| clench the eyes I quote on not the blue the others at the 008:104;01[' ]| back see something somewhere after Pim that is all is left 008:104;01[' ]| breath in a head nothing left but a head nothing in it 008:105;01[' ]| almost nothing only breath pant pant hundred to$4$ the minute 008:105;01[' ]| hold it be it held ten seconds fifteen seconds hear 008:105;01[' ]| something try and hear a few old words after Pim how it was 008:105;01[' ]| how it is quick 008:105;01[' ]| 008:105;01[' ]| Pim quick after Pim before he vanishes never was only me 008:105;01[' ]| me Pim how it was before me with me after me how it is 008:105;01[' ]| quick 008:105;01[' ]| 008:105;01[' ]| a sack bravo colour of mud in the mud quick say a sack 008:105;01[' ]| colour of its surroundings having assumed it always had it 008:105;01[' ]| it is one or the other seek no further what else that thing 008:105;01[' ]| could possibly be$1$ so many things say sack old word first 008:105;01[' ]| to$9$ come one syllable k at the end seek no other all would 008:105;01[' ]| vanish a sack that will do$1$ the word the thing it is a possible 008:105;01[' ]| thing in this world so little possible yes world what more 008:105;01[' ]| can you ask a possible thing see it name it name it see it 008:105;01[' ]| enough now rest I will be$1$ back no alternative some day 008:105;01[' ]| 008:105;01[' ]| stop panting say what you hear see what you say say you 008:105;01[' ]| see it a arm colour of mud the hand in the sack quick say 008:105;01[' ]| a arm then another say another arm see it stretched taut 008:105;01[' ]| as though too short to$9$ reach now add a hand fingers parted 008:105;01[' ]| stretched taut monstrous nails all that say you see all 008:105;01[' ]| that 008:105;01[' ]| 008:105;01[' ]| a body what matter say a body see a body all the rear white 008:105;01[' ]| originally some light spots still say grey of hair growing 008:105;01[' ]| still that is enough a head say a head say you have seen a head 008:105;01[' ]| all that all the possible a sack with food a body entire alive 008:105;01[' ]| still yes living stop panting let it stop ten seconds fifteen 008:105;01[' ]| seconds hear this breath token of life hear it said say you 008:105;01[' ]| hear it good pant on 008:106;01[' ]| on and off as if borne on the wind but not a breath sharp 008:106;01[' ]| and faint God's old clapper old mill threshing the void or 008:106;01[' ]| in another mood as though it changed great shears of the 008:106;01[' ]| black old hag older than the world born of night click clack 008:106;01[' ]| click clack two threads a second five every two never 008:106;01[' ]| mine 008:106;01[' ]| 008:106;01[' ]| no more I will hear no more see no more yes I must to$9$ make a 008:106;01[' ]| end a few more old words find a few more not quite so old 008:106;01[' ]| as when Pim part two those are done never were but old 008:106;01[' ]| too vast stretch of time this voice these voices as if borne on 008:106;01[' ]| all the winds but not a breath another antiquity a little more 008:106;01[' ]| recent stop panting let it stop ten seconds fifteen seconds a 008:106;01[' ]| few old words on and off string them together make 008:106;01[' ]| phrases 008:106;01[' ]| 008:106;01[' ]| a few old images always the same no more blue the blue is 008:106;01[' ]| done never was the sack the arms the body the mud the 008:106;01[' ]| dark living hair and nails all that 008:106;01[' ]| 008:106;01[' ]| my voice no objection back at last a voice back at last in 008:106;01[' ]| my mouth my mouth no objection a voice at last in the dark 008:106;01[' ]| the mud unimaginable tracts of time 008:106;01[' ]| 008:106;01[' ]| this breath hold this breath be it held once twice per day 008:106;01[' ]| and night the time that means to$4$ those under whom and all 008:106;01[' ]| above and all about the earth turns and all turns who hasten 008:106;01[' ]| so from one goal to$4$ the next that but for this breath I would 008:106;01[' ]| fancy I hear their hastening feet hold it be it held ten 008:106;01[' ]| seconds fifteen seconds try and hear 008:106;01[' ]| 008:106;01[' ]| of this old tale quaqua on all sides then in me bits and scraps 008:106;01[' ]| try and hear a few scraps two or three each time per day 008:106;01[' ]| and night string them together make phrases more phrases 008:107;01[' ]| the last how it was after Pim how it is something wrong 008:107;01[' ]| there end of part three and last 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| this voice these voices no knowing not meaning a choir no 008:107;01[' ]| no only one but quaqua meaning on all sides megaphones 008:107;01[' ]| possibly technique something wrong there 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| wrong for never twice the same unless time vast tracts aged 008:107;01[' ]| out of recognition no for often fresher stronger after than 008:107;01[' ]| before unless sickness sorrow they sometimes pass one feels 008:107;01[' ]| better less wretched after than before 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| unless recordings on ebonite or suchlike a whole life generations 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| on ebonite one can imagine it nothing to$9$ prevent one 008:107;01[' ]| mix it all up change the natural order play about with 008:107;01[' ]| that 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| unless unchanging after all the voice we are talking of the 008:107;01[' ]| voice and all my fault lack of attention want of memory the 008:107;01[' ]| various times mixed up in my head all the various times 008:107;01[' ]| before during after vast tracts of time 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| and always the same old thing the same old things possible 008:107;01[' ]| and impossible or me my fault who can find nothing else 008:107;01[' ]| when the panting stops hear nothing else the same old 008:107;01[' ]| things four or five a few adornments life above little 008:107;01[' ]| scenes 008:107;01[' ]| 008:107;01[' ]| things said to$4$ me said of me to$4$ whom else of whom else 008:107;01[' ]| clench the eyes try and see another to$4$ whom of whom 008:107;01[' ]| to$4$ whom of me of whom to$4$ me or even a third clench the 008:107;01[' ]| eyes try and see a third mix up all that 008:107;01[' ]| quaqua the voice of us all who all all those here before 008:108;01[' ]| me and to$9$ come alone in this wallow or glued together 008:108;01[' ]| all the Pims tormentors promoted victims past if it 008:108;01[' ]| ever passes and to$9$ come that is sure more than ever by the 008:108;01[' ]| earth undone its light all those 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| from it I learn from it I learnt what little remained learn 008:108;01[' ]| what little remains of how it was before Pim with Pim after 008:108;01[' ]| Pim and how it is for that too it found words 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| for how it would be$1$ when I had it no more before I had mine 008:108;01[' ]| that vast pit and when I had it at last that vast stretch 008:108;01[' ]| how it would be$1$ then when I had mine at last and when 008:108;01[' ]| I had it no more mine no more how it would he then 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| the moment when I would need to$9$ say$1$ and could not mamma 008:108;01[' ]| papa hear those sounds slake my thirst for labials and could 008:108;01[' ]| not from then on words for that moment and following vast 008:108;01[' ]| stretch of time 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| movements for nothing of the lower face no sound no word 008:108;01[' ]| and then not even that no further point no more reliance to$9$ 008:108;01[' ]| be$1$ placed on that when it is the last hope look for 008:108;01[' ]| something else how it would be$1$ then words for that 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| from it all that of that so little what little remains I have named 008:108;01[' ]| myself the panting stops and I am a instant that old ever 008:108;01[' ]| dwindling little that I think I hear of a ancient voice 008:108;01[' ]| quaqua on all sides the voice of us all as many as we are 008:108;01[' ]| as many as we will end if we ever end by having been 008:108;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:108;01[' ]| 008:108;01[' ]| namely days of great gaiety thicker than on earth since the 008:108;01[' ]| age of gold above in the light the leaves fallen dead 008:109;01[' ]| some on the bough flutter on to$4$ the reawakening black 008:109;01[' ]| dead flaunting in the green shit yes some in this condition 008:109;01[' ]| manage two springs a summer and half three-quarters 008:109;01[' ]| 008:109;01[' ]| before Pim the journey part one right leg right arm push 008:109;01[' ]| pull ten yards fifteen yards halt nap a sardine or suchlike 008:109;01[' ]| tongue in the mud a image or two little scenes mute words 008:109;01[' ]| hang on off again push pull all that part one but before that 008:109;01[' ]| again 008:109;01[' ]| 008:109;01[' ]| another story leave it dark no the same story not two stories 008:109;01[' ]| leave it dark all the same like the rest a little darker a few 008:109;01[' ]| words all the same a few old words like for the rest stop 008:109;01[' ]| panting let it stop 008:109;01[' ]| 008:109;01[' ]| try and hear a few old words on and off string them together 008:109;01[' ]| in a phrase a few phrases try and see how it can possibly 008:109;01[' ]| have$1$ been not before Pim that is done part one before that 008:109;01[' ]| again vast stretch of time 008:109;01[' ]| 008:109;01[' ]| two there were two of us his hand on my arse someone had 008:109;01[' ]| come Bom Bem one syllable m at the end all that matters 008:109;01[' ]| Bem had come to$9$ cleave to$4$ me see later Pim and me I had 008:109;01[' ]| come to$9$ cleave to$4$ Pim the same thing except that me Pim 008:109;01[' ]| Bem me Bem left me south 008:109;01[' ]| 008:109;01[' ]| Bem come to$9$ cleave to$4$ me where I lay abandoned to$9$ give 008:109;01[' ]| me a name his name to$9$ give me a life make me talk of a life 008:109;01[' ]| said to$9$ have$1$ been mine above in the light before I fell all the 008:109;01[' ]| already said part two with Pim another part two before part 008:109;01[' ]| one except that me Pim Bem me Bem left me south I hear it 008:109;01[' ]| murmur it in the mud 008:110;01[' ]| together then life in common me Bem he Bem we Bem vast 008:110;01[' ]| stretch of time until the day hear day say day murmur it 008:110;01[' ]| do not be$1$ ashamed as if there were a earth a sun moments 008:110;01[' ]| of less dark more dark there laugh 008:110;01[' ]| 008:110;01[' ]| dark bright those words each time they come night day 008:110;01[' ]| shadow light that family the wish to$9$ laugh each time no 008:110;01[' ]| sometimes three every ten four every fifteen that ratio try 008:110;01[' ]| sometimes same ratio succeed sometimes same ratio 008:110;01[' ]| 008:110;01[' ]| bright dark that family for every hundred times they come 008:110;01[' ]| three laughs four laughs brought off the kind that convulse 008:110;01[' ]| a instant resurrect a instant then leave for deader than 008:110;01[' ]| before 008:110;01[' ]| 008:110;01[' ]| until the day murmur day do not be$1$ ashamed when to$4$ his 008:110;01[' ]| surprise something there Bem alone in the dark the mud 008:110;01[' ]| and end for him of that part for me too to$4$ my surprise too 008:110;01[' ]| something there too as I depart right leg right arm push 008:110;01[' ]| pull ten yards fifteen yards towards Pim unwitting long long 008:110;01[' ]| journey 008:110;01[' ]| 008:110;01[' ]| time to$9$ forget all lose all be$1$ ignorant of all whence I come 008:110;01[' ]| whither I go frequent halts brief naps a sardine tongue in 008:110;01[' ]| the mud loss of the speech so dearly regained a few images 008:110;01[' ]| skies homes little scenes falls half out of species brief movements 008:110;01[' ]| of the lower no sound loss of the noble name of Bem 008:110;01[' ]| part one before Pim how it was vast stretch of time it is 008:110;01[' ]| done 008:110;01[' ]| 008:110;01[' ]| it is come it is said it is murmured in the mud how it 008:110;01[' ]| was not before Pim that is done part one before that 008:110;01[' ]| again vast stretch of time very pretty but not right 008:111;01[' ]| something wrong something quite wrong 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| it is the sack Pim left me without his sack he left his sack 008:111;01[' ]| with me I left my sack with Bem I will leave my sack with Bom 008:111;01[' ]| l left Bem without my sack to$9$ go towards Pim it is the sack 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| Bem then I was with Bem before going towards Pim I left 008:111;01[' ]| Bem then without my sack and yet that sack that I had 008:111;01[' ]| going towards Pim part one that sack that I had 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| that sack then that I did not have$1$ on leaving Bem and that 008:111;01[' ]| I had going towards Pim not knowing I had left anyone was 008:111;01[' ]| going towards anyone that sack then that I had I must have$1$ 008:111;01[' ]| found it there is reason in me yet that sack without which 008:111;01[' ]| no journey 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| a sack no doing without a sack without food when you journey 008:111;01[' ]| as we have seen should have$1$ seen part one no doing 008:111;01[' ]| without them it is regulated thus we are regulated thus 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| leaving then without a sack I had a sack I had found it on 008:111;01[' ]| my way there is that difficulty overcome we leave our sacks 008:111;01[' ]| to$4$ those who do not need them we take their sacks from 008:111;01[' ]| those who soon will need them we leave without a sack we 008:111;01[' ]| find one on our way we can continue on our way 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| a sack that if one died here one might say$1$ had belonged to$4$ 008:111;01[' ]| one dead at last having let it go at the last then sunk beneath 008:111;01[' ]| the mud but no and so a simple sack pure and simple a small 008:111;01[' ]| coal-sack to$4$ the feel five stone six stone wet jute food 008:111;01[' ]| inside 008:111;01[' ]| 008:111;01[' ]| a simple sack then pure and simple that no sooner 008:112;01[' ]| on our way without food or thought of ever finding any 008:112;01[' ]| or memory of ever having had any or notion of ever needing 008:112;01[' ]| any we find no sooner on our way in the dark the mud 008:112;01[' ]| for a journey that would otherwise be$1$ brief and is not brief 008:112;01[' ]| vast stretch of time and take unto ourselves and lose a 008:112;01[' ]| little before arrival together with the uneaten food as we 008:112;01[' ]| have seen part one how it was before Pim 008:112;01[' ]| 008:112;01[' ]| more sacks here then than souls infinitely if we journey 008:112;01[' ]| infinitely and what infinite loss without profit there is that 008:112;01[' ]| difficulty overcome something wrong there 008:112;01[' ]| 008:112;01[' ]| at the instant I leave Bem another leaves Pim and let us be$1$ 008:112;01[' ]| at that instant one hundred thousand strong then fifty 008:112;01[' ]| thousand departures fifty thousand abandoned no sun no earth 008:112;01[' ]| nothing turning the same instant always everywhere 008:112;01[' ]| 008:112;01[' ]| at the instant I reach Pim another reaches Bem we are regulated 008:112;01[' ]| thus our justice wills it thus fifty thousand couples 008:112;01[' ]| again at the same instant the same everywhere with the 008:112;01[' ]| same space between them it is mathematical it is our justice 008:112;01[' ]| in this muck where all is identical our ways and way of 008:112;01[' ]| faring right leg right arm push pull 008:112;01[' ]| 008:112;01[' ]| as long as I with Pim the other with Bem a hundred thousand 008:112;01[' ]| prone glued two by two together vast stretch of time 008:112;01[' ]| nothing stirring save the tormentors those whose turn it is 008:112;01[' ]| on and off right arm claw the armpit for the song carve the 008:112;01[' ]| scriptions plunge the opener pestle the kidney all the 008:112;01[' ]| needful 008:112;01[' ]| 008:112;01[' ]| at the instant Pim leaves me and goes towards the other 008:112;01[' ]| Bem leaves the other and comes towards me I place myself 008:113;01[' ]| at my point of view migration of slime-worms then or 008:113;01[' ]| tailed latrinal scissiparous frenzy days of great gaiety 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| at the instant Pim reaches the other to$9$ form again with him 008:113;01[' ]| the only couple he forms apart from the one with me Bem 008:113;01[' ]| reaches me to$9$ form with me the only couple he forms apart 008:113;01[' ]| from the one with the other 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| illumination here Bem is therefore Bom or Bom Bem and 008:113;01[' ]| the voice quaqua from which I get my life these scraps of 008:113;01[' ]| life in me when the panting stops of three things one 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| when according to$4$ me it said Bem speaking of how it was 008:113;01[' ]| before the journey part one and Bom speaking of how it 008:113;01[' ]| will be$1$ after the abandon part three and last it said in 008:113;01[' ]| reality 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| it said in reality in the one case as in the other either Bem 008:113;01[' ]| solely or solely Bom 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| or it said in reality now Bem now Bom through carelessness 008:113;01[' ]| or inadvertence not realizing that it varied I personify it 008:113;01[' ]| it personifies itself 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| or finally it passed prepensely from the one to$4$ the other 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| according as it spoke of how it was before the journey or of 008:113;01[' ]| how it will be$1$ after the abandon through ignorance not 008:113;01[' ]| realizing that Bem and Bom could only be$1$ one and the same 008:113;01[' ]| 008:113;01[' ]| that it was vain to$9$ wish for him a unfamiliar guise whose 008:113;01[' ]| coming it announced right leg right arm push pull ten yards 008:113;01[' ]| fifteen yards 008:114;01[' ]| that he was necessarily that ancient other whom it said I 008:114;01[' ]| had suffered then forsaken to$9$ go towards Pim as Pim me 008:114;01[' ]| suffered then forsaken to$9$ go towards his other 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| to$4$ no unwitting all here unwitting our justice go never from 008:114;01[' ]| never towards 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| unwitting that each always leaves the same always goes 008:114;01[' ]| towards the same always loses the same always goes towards 008:114;01[' ]| him who leaves him always leaves him who goes towards 008:114;01[' ]| him our justice 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| millions millions there are millions of us and there are three 008:114;01[' ]| I place myself at my point of view Bem is Bom Bom Bem 008:114;01[' ]| let us say$1$ Bom it is preferable Bom then me and Pim me 008:114;01[' ]| in the middle 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| so in me I quote on when the panting stops scraps of that 008:114;01[' ]| ancient voice on itself its errors and exactitudes on us 008:114;01[' ]| millions on us three our couples journeys and abandons on me 008:114;01[' ]| alone I quote on my imaginary journeys imaginary brothers 008:114;01[' ]| in me when the panting stops that was without quaqua on 008:114;01[' ]| all sides bits and scraps I murmur them 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| a voice which if I had a voice I might have$1$ taken for mine 008:114;01[' ]| which at the instant I hear it I quote on is also heard by him 008:114;01[' ]| whom Bom left to$9$ come towards me and by him to$9$ go towards 008:114;01[' ]| whom Pim left me and if we are a million strong by 008:114;01[' ]| the other 499997 abandoned 008:114;01[' ]| 008:114;01[' ]| the same voice the same things nothing changing but the 008:114;01[' ]| names and hardly they two are enough nameless each 008:114;01[' ]| awaits his Bom nameless goes towards his Pim 008:115;01[' ]| Bom to$4$ the abandoned not me Bom you Bom we Bom but 008:115;01[' ]| me Bom you Pim I to$4$ the abandoned not me Pim you Pim 008:115;01[' ]| we Pim but me Bom you Pim something very wrong there 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| so eternally I quote on something lost there so eternally now 008:115;01[' ]| Bom now Pim something wrong there according as left or 008:115;01[' ]| right north or south tormentor or victim these words too 008:115;01[' ]| strong tormentor always of the same and victim always of 008:115;01[' ]| the same and now alone journeying abandoned all alone 008:115;01[' ]| nameless all these words too strong almost all a little too 008:115;01[' ]| strong I say it as I hear it 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| or one alone one name alone the noble name of Pim and I 008:115;01[' ]| hear wrong or the voice says wrong and when I hear Bom or 008:115;01[' ]| it says Bom in me when the panting stops the scrap Bom 008:115;01[' ]| that was without quaqua on all sides 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| when I hear or in fact it says that before going towards Pim 008:115;01[' ]| part one I was with Bom as Pim with me part two 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| and that at this moment part three right leg right arm push 008:115;01[' ]| pull Bom towards me as I towards Pim part one 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| it is Pim that should be$1$ heard Pim that should have$1$ been 008:115;01[' ]| said that I was with Pim before going towards Pim part one 008:115;01[' ]| and that at this moment part three Pim towards me as I 008:115;01[' ]| towards Pim part one right leg right arm push pull ten 008:115;01[' ]| yards fifteen yards 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| a million then if a million strong a million Pims now motionless 008:115;01[' ]| 008:115;01[' ]| agglutinated two by two in the interests of torment too 008:115;01[' ]| strong five hundred thousand little heaps colour of mud and 008:115;01[' ]| now a thousand thousand nameless solitaries half 008:116;01[' ]| abandoned half abandoning 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| and three if three when in me the panting stops this voice 008:116;01[' ]| which was without quaqua on all sides when I hear it speak 008:116;01[' ]| of millions and of three which if I had a voice I quote a 008:116;01[' ]| little heart a little head I might take for mine then I alone 008:116;01[' ]| hear it who alone am abandoned 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| alone murmur of millions and of three our journeys couples 008:116;01[' ]| and abandons and the name we give to$4$ one another and 008:116;01[' ]| give and give again 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| alone hear these scraps and murmur them in the mud to$4$ the 008:116;01[' ]| mud my two companions as we have seen being on their 008:116;01[' ]| way he who is coming towards me and he who is going from 008:116;01[' ]| me something wrong there that is to$9$ say$1$ each in his part 008:116;01[' ]| one 008:116;01[' ]| or in his part five or nine or thirteen so on 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| correct 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| whereas the voice as we have seen peculiar to$9$ part three 008:116;01[' ]| or seven or eleven or fifteen so on just as the couple to$9$ part 008:116;01[' ]| two or four or six or eight so on 008:116;01[' ]| correct 008:116;01[' ]| 008:116;01[' ]| assuming one prefers the order here proposed namely one 008:116;01[' ]| the journey two the couple three the abandon to$4$ that to$4$ 008:116;01[' ]| those to$9$ be$1$ obtained by starting with the abandon and ending 008:116;01[' ]| with the journey by way of the couple or by starting 008:116;01[' ]| with the couple and ending with the 008:117;01[' ]| with the couple 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| by way of the abandon 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| or of the journey 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| correct 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| and if on the contrary I alone then no further problem a 008:117;01[' ]| solution which without a serious effort of the imagination 008:117;01[' ]| it would seem difficult to$9$ avoid 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| as for example our course a closed curve and let us be$1$ 008:117;01[' ]| numbered 1 to$4$ 1000000 then number 1000000 on leaving his 008:117;01[' ]| tormentor number 999999 instead of launching forth into 008:117;01[' ]| the wilderness towards a inexistent victim proceeds 008:117;01[' ]| towards number 1 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| and number 1 forsaken by his victim number 2 does not remain 008:117;01[' ]| eternally bereft of tormentor since this latter as we 008:117;01[' ]| have seen in the person of number 1000000 is approaching 008:117;01[' ]| with all the speed he can muster right leg right arm push 008:117;01[' ]| pull ten yards fifteen yards 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| and three if only three of us and so numbered only 1 to$4$ 3 008:117;01[' ]| four rather it is preferable clearer picture if only four of us 008:117;01[' ]| and so numbered only 1 to$4$ 4 008:117;01[' ]| 008:117;01[' ]| then two places only at the extremities of the greatest chord 008:117;01[' ]| say A and B for the four couples the four abandoned 008:118;01[' ]| two tracks only of a semi-orbit each say how shall we say$1$ 008:118;01[' ]| AB and BA for the travellers 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| let me for example be numbered 1 it is not asking a great deal 008:118;01[' ]| and at a given moment find myself abandoned that is to$9$ say$1$ 008:118;01[' ]| again abandoned at the extremity A of the great chord and 008:118;01[' ]| assuming we turn deasil 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| then before I can find myself again at the same point and in 008:118;01[' ]| much the same state I shall have$1$ been successively 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| victim of number 4 at A en route along AB tormentor of 008:118;01[' ]| number 2 at B abandoned again but this time at B victim 008:118;01[' ]| again of number 4 but this time at B en route again but this 008:118;01[' ]| time along BA tormentor of number 2 again but this time at 008:118;01[' ]| A and finally abandoned again at A and all set to$9$ begin 008:118;01[' ]| again 008:118;01[' ]| correct 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| for each one of us then if only four of us before the initial 008:118;01[' ]| situation can be$1$ restored two abandons two journeys four 008:118;01[' ]| couplings of which two on the left or north tormenting 008:118;01[' ]| always the same in my case number 2 and two on the right 008:118;01[' ]| or south tormented always by the same in my case number 008:118;01[' ]| 4 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| as for number 3 I do not know him nor consequently he me 008:118;01[' ]| just as number 2 and number 4 do not know each other 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| for each of us then if only four of us one of us for*ever 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| unknown or known only by repute there is that possibility 008:118;01[' ]| 008:118;01[' ]| I frequent number 4 and number 9 in my quality of victim 008:119;01[' ]| and tormentor respectively and number 2 and number 008:119;01[' ]| 4 frequent number 3 in their quality of tormentor and 008:119;01[' ]| victim respectively 008:119;01[' ]| 008:119;01[' ]| possible then in principle that to$4$ number 3 on the one hand 008:119;01[' ]| through my victim whose victim he is and on the other 008:119;01[' ]| through my tormentor whose tormentor he is possible then 008:119;01[' ]| I repeat I quote in principle that to$4$ number 3 I am not a 008:119;01[' ]| total stranger without our ever having occasion to$9$ meet 008:119;01[' ]| 008:119;01[' ]| similarly if a million strong each knows personally only his 008:119;01[' ]| tormentor and victim in other words him who comes 008:119;01[' ]| immediately behind him and him who goes immediately 008:119;01[' ]| before him 008:119;01[' ]| 008:119;01[' ]| and by them alone is personally known 008:119;01[' ]| 008:119;01[' ]| but may quite conceivably in principle know by repute the 008:119;01[' ]| 999997 others whom by virtue of his position in the round 008:119;01[' ]| he has never occasion to$9$ meet 008:119;01[' ]| and by repute by them be known 008:119;01[' ]| for take twenty consecutive numbers 008:119;01[' ]| no matter which no matter which it is irrelevant 008:119;01[' ]| 814326 to$4$ 814345 008:119;01[' ]| 008:119;01[' ]| number 814327 may speak misnomer the tormentors being 008:119;01[' ]| mute as we have seen part two may speak of number 814326 008:119;01[' ]| to$4$ number 814328 who may speak of him to$4$ number 814329 008:119;01[' ]| who may speak of him to$4$ number 814330 and so on to$4$ number 008:120;01[' ]| 814345 who in this way may know number 814326 by 008:120;01[' ]| repute 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| similarly number 814326 may know by repute number 008:120;01[' ]| 814345 number 814344 having spoken of him to$4$ number 008:120;01[' ]| 814343 and this last to$4$ number 814342 and this last to$4$ 008:120;01[' ]| number 814341 and so back to$4$ number 814326 who in this way 008:120;01[' ]| may know number 814345 by repute 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| rumour transmissible ad infinitum in either direction 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| from left to$4$ right through the confidences of the tormentor 008:120;01[' ]| to$4$ his victim who repeats them to$4$ his 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| from right to$4$ left through the confidences of the victim to$4$ 008:120;01[' ]| his tormentor who repeats them to$4$ his 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| all these words I repeat I quote on victims tormentors 008:120;01[' ]| confidences repeat quote I and the others all these words too 008:120;01[' ]| strong I say it again as I hear it again murmur it again to$4$ the 008:120;01[' ]| mud infinitum alone commensurate with us 008:120;01[' ]| but question to$4$ what purpose 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| for when number 814336 describes number 814337 to$4$ number 008:120;01[' ]| 814335 and number 814335 to$4$ number 814337 for example 008:120;01[' ]| he is merely in fact describing himself to$4$ two lifelong 008:120;01[' ]| acquaintances 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| so to$4$ what purpose 008:120;01[' ]| 008:120;01[' ]| moreover the thing would appear to$9$ be$1$ impossible 008:121;01[' ]| for number 814336 as we have seen by the time he reaches 008:121;01[' ]| number 814337 has long since forgotten all he ever knew 008:121;01[' ]| of number 814335 as completely as though he had never 008:121;01[' ]| been and by the time number 814335 reaches him as we 008:121;01[' ]| have also seen has long since forgotten all he ever knew of 008:121;01[' ]| number 814337 vast stretch of time 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| so true it is that here one knows one's tormentor only as long 008:121;01[' ]| as it takes to$9$ suffer him and one's victim only as long as it 008:121;01[' ]| takes to$9$ enjoy him if as long 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| and these same couples that eternally form and form again 008:121;01[' ]| all along this immense circuit that the millionth time that is 008:121;01[' ]| conceivable is as the inconceivable first and always two 008:121;01[' ]| strangers uniting in the interests of torment 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| and when on the unpredictable arse for the millionth time 008:121;01[' ]| the groping hand descends that for the hand it is the first 008:121;01[' ]| arse for the arse the first hand 008:121;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| so true the panting stops I hear it I murmur it to$4$ the mud 008:121;01[' ]| so true all that is 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| so no acquaintance by hearsay and as for the other or 008:121;01[' ]| personal acquired by frequentation that which with his 008:121;01[' ]| tormentor on the one hand with his victim on the other each 008:121;01[' ]| one of us may boast as for it 008:121;01[' ]| 008:121;01[' ]| when you think of the couple we were Pim and I part two 008:121;01[' ]| and shall be$1$ again part six ten fourteen so on each time for 008:121;01[' ]| the unthinkable first when you think of that 008:122;01[' ]| what we were then each for himself and for the other 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| glued together like a single body in the dark the mud 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| how at each instant each ceased and was there no more 008:122;01[' ]| either for himself or for the other vast tracts of time 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| and when we came back to$9$ be$1$ together for a instant again 008:122;01[' ]| when you think of that 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| cruelty suffering so paltry and brief 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| the paltry need of a life a voice of one who has neither 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| the voice extorted a few words life because of cry that is the 008:122;01[' ]| proof good and deep no more is needed a little cry all is 008:122;01[' ]| not dead one drinks one gives to$9$ drink goodbye 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| they were I quote good moments somehow or other good 008:122;01[' ]| moments when you think 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| Pim and me part two and Bom and me part four what that 008:122;01[' ]| will be$1$ 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| to$9$ say$1$ after that that we knew each other personally even 008:122;01[' ]| then 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| glued together like a single body in the dark the mud 008:122;01[' ]| 008:122;01[' ]| motionless but for one right arm brief flurry on and of all the 008:122;01[' ]| needful 008:123;01[' ]| to$9$ say$1$ after that that I knew Pim that Pim knew me and Bom 008:123;01[' ]| and I that we shall know each other even fleetingly 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| you may say$1$ yes and you may say$1$ no it depends on what 008:123;01[' ]| you hear 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| it is no I am sorry no*one here knows anyone either personally 008:123;01[' ]| or otherwise it is the no that turns up I murmur it 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| and no again I am sorry again no*one here knows himself it is 008:123;01[' ]| the place without knowledge whence no doubt its 008:123;01[' ]| peerlessness 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| whether four then revolving or a million four strangers a 008:123;01[' ]| million strangers to$4$ themselves to$4$ one another but here I 008:123;01[' ]| quote on we do not revolve 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| that is above in the light where their space is measured 008:123;01[' ]| here the straight line the straight line eastward strange and 008:123;01[' ]| death in the west as a rule 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| so neither four nor a million 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| nor ten million nor twenty million nor any finite number 008:123;01[' ]| even or uneven however great because of our justice which 008:123;01[' ]| wills that not one were we fifty million not a single one 008:123;01[' ]| among us be wronged 008:123;01[' ]| 008:123;01[' ]| not one deprived of tormentor as number 1 would be$1$ not 008:123;01[' ]| one deprived of victim as number 50000000 would be$1$ assuming 008:123;01[' ]| this latter at the head of the procession which wends 008:123;01[' ]| as we have seen from left to$4$ right or if you prefer from west 008:123;01[' ]| to$4$ east 008:124;01[' ]| and that there be never offered to$4$ the eyes of 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| of whom 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| of him in charge of the sacks 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| possible 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| to$4$ his eyes the spectacle on the one hand of a single one 008:124;01[' ]| among us towards whom no*one ever goes and on the other 008:124;01[' ]| of a single other who never goes towards anyone it would be$1$ 008:124;01[' ]| a injustice and that is above in the light 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| in other words in simple words I quote on either I am alone 008:124;01[' ]| and no further problem or else we are innumerable and no 008:124;01[' ]| further problem either 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| save that of conceiving but no doubt it can be$1$ done a procession 008:124;01[' ]| in a straight line with neither head nor tail in the 008:124;01[' ]| dark the mud with all the various infinitudes that such a 008:124;01[' ]| conception involves 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| nothing to$9$ be$1$ done in any case we have our being in justice 008:124;01[' ]| I have never heard anything to$4$ the contrary 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| with that of a slowness difficult to$9$ conceive the procession 008:124;01[' ]| we are talking of a procession advancing in jerks or spasms 008:124;01[' ]| like shit in the guts till one wonders days of great gaiety if 008:124;01[' ]| we shall not end one after another or two by two by being 008:124;01[' ]| shat into the open air the light of day the regimen of 008:124;01[' ]| grace 008:124;01[' ]| 008:124;01[' ]| a slowness of which figures alone however arbitrary can 008:124;01[' ]| give a feeble idea 008:125;01[' ]| allowing then I quote twenty years for the journey and 008:125;01[' ]| knowing furthermore from having heard so that the four 008:125;01[' ]| phases through which we pass the two kinds of solitude the 008:125;01[' ]| two kinds of company through which tormentors abandoned 008:125;01[' ]| victims travellers we all pass and pass again being 008:125;01[' ]| regulated thus are of equal duration 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| knowing furthermore by the same courtesy that the journey 008:125;01[' ]| is accomplished in stages ten yards fifteen yards at the 008:125;01[' ]| rate of say it is reasonable to$9$ say$1$ one stage per month this 008:125;01[' ]| word these words months years I murmur them 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| four by twenty eighty twelve and half by twelve one hundred 008:125;01[' ]| and fifty by twenty three thousand divided by eighty 008:125;01[' ]| thirty-seven and a half thirty-seven to$4$ thirty-eight say forty 008:125;01[' ]| yards a year we advance 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| correct 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| from left to$4$ right we advance each one advances and all 008:125;01[' ]| advance from west to$4$ east year in year out in the dark the 008:125;01[' ]| mud in torment and solitude at the speed of thirty-seven 008:125;01[' ]| to$4$ thirty-eight say forty yards a year we advance 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| such the feeble idea of our slowness given by these figures 008:125;01[' ]| of which it is sufficient to$9$ admit and no doubt it can be$1$ 008:125;01[' ]| done on the one hand that assigned to$4$ the duration of the 008:125;01[' ]| journey and on the other those expressing the length and 008:125;01[' ]| frequency of the stage to$9$ obtain this feeble idea of our 008:125;01[' ]| slowness 008:125;01[' ]| 008:125;01[' ]| our slowness the slowness of our procession from left to$4$ 008:125;01[' ]| right in the dark the mud 008:126;01[' ]| a image in its discontinuity of the journeys of which it is 008:126;01[' ]| the sum made up of stages and of halts and of those stages 008:126;01[' ]| of which the journey is the sum 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| when we crawl in a amble right leg right arm push pull 008:126;01[' ]| flat on face mute maledictions left leg left arm push pull flat 008:126;01[' ]| on face mute maledictions ten yards fifteen yards halt 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| all that once without quaqua on all sides now in me when 008:126;01[' ]| the panting stops all that fainter weaker but still audible 008:126;01[' ]| less clear but the purport in me when the panting stops 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| and that here in truth all discontinuous journey images 008:126;01[' ]| torment even solitude part three when a voice speaks then 008:126;01[' ]| stops a few scraps then nothing more save the dark the mud 008:126;01[' ]| all discontinuous save the dark the mud 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| a image too of this voice ten words fifteen words long 008:126;01[' ]| silence ten words fifteen words long silence long solitude 008:126;01[' ]| once without quaqua on all sides vast stretch of time then in 008:126;01[' ]| me when the panting stops scraps 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| from it everything I know how it was before Pim before that 008:126;01[' ]| again with Pim after Pim how it is words for that too 008:126;01[' ]| how it will be$1$ words for that in a word my life vast tracts 008:126;01[' ]| of time 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| I hear me again murmur me in the mud and am again 008:126;01[' ]| 008:126;01[' ]| the journey I made in the dark the mud straight line sack 008:126;01[' ]| tied to$4$ my neck never quite fallen from my species and I 008:126;01[' ]| made that journey 008:127;01[' ]| then something else and I did not make it then again and I 008:127;01[' ]| made it again 008:127;01[' ]| 008:127;01[' ]| and Pim how I found him made him suffer made him speak 008:127;01[' ]| and lost him and all that while it lasts I had it all when the 008:127;01[' ]| panting stops 008:127;01[' ]| 008:127;01[' ]| and how there are three of us four a million and there I am 008:127;01[' ]| always was with Pim Bom and another and 999997 others 008:127;01[' ]| journeying alone rotting alone martyring and being 008:127;01[' ]| martyred oh moderately listlessly a little blood a few cries life 008:127;01[' ]| above in the light a little blue little scenes for the thirst for 008:127;01[' ]| the sake of peace 008:127;01[' ]| 008:127;01[' ]| and how there can not be$1$ only three of us only four only 008:127;01[' ]| a million and there I am always was with Pim Bom 008:127;01[' ]| innumerable others in a procession without end or beginning 008:127;01[' ]| languidly wending from left to$4$ right straight line eastward 008:127;01[' ]| strange in the dark the mud sandwiched between victim 008:127;01[' ]| and tormentor and how these words not weak enough most 008:127;01[' ]| of them not quite enough 008:127;01[' ]| 008:127;01[' ]| or alone and no further problem never any Pim never any 008:127;01[' ]| Bom never any journey never anything but the dark the 008:127;01[' ]| mud the sack perhaps too it seems constant too and this 008:127;01[' ]| voice which knows not what it says or I hear wrong which 008:127;01[' ]| if I had a voice a little heart a little head I might take for 008:127;01[' ]| mine once without quaqua on all sides then in me when the 008:127;01[' ]| panting stops faint now scarce a breath 008:127;01[' ]| 008:127;01[' ]| all that all that while it lasts all those kinds of lives when 008:127;01[' ]| the panting stops I had it all it depends on what you hear 008:127;01[' ]| knew it all did and suffered as the case may be$1$ in the 008:128;01[' ]| present too and in the future that is sure a matter of hearing 008:128;01[' ]| nothing more when the panting stops ten seconds fifteen 008:128;01[' ]| seconds all those kinds of lives bits and scraps murmur 008:128;01[' ]| them to$4$ the mud 008:128;01[' ]| 008:128;01[' ]| and finally how now the panting wilder more and more 008:128;01[' ]| animal in want of air and to$9$ stop it again for it to$9$ stop again 008:128;01[' ]| so wild a panting and this voice to$9$ hear it again that was 008:128;01[' ]| without quaqua on all sides now in me when the panting 008:128;01[' ]| stops how that will soon no doubt be$1$ possible no more 008:128;01[' ]| 008:128;01[' ]| at that moment I quote on from that moment on and following 008:128;01[' ]| lowing I being this voice these scraps nothing more shall 008:128;01[' ]| at last be$1$ no more but without ceasing for such a trifle end 008:128;01[' ]| of part three and last it must be$1$ almost ended 008:128;01[' ]| 008:128;01[' ]| that yes a panting in the mud to$4$ that it all comes in the end 008:128;01[' ]| the journey the couple the abandon when the whole tale 008:128;01[' ]| is told the tormentor you are said to$9$ have$1$ had then lost the 008:128;01[' ]| journey you are said to$9$ have$1$ made the victim you are said 008:128;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ had then lost the images the sack the little fables 008:128;01[' ]| of above little scenes a little blue infernal homes 008:128;01[' ]| 008:128;01[' ]| the voice quaqua on all sides then within in the little vault 008:128;01[' ]| empty closed eight planes bone-white if there were a light 008:128;01[' ]| a tiny flame all would be$1$ white ten words fifteen words like 008:128;01[' ]| a fume of sighs when the panting stops then the storm the 008:128;01[' ]| breath token of life part three and last it must be$1$ nearly 008:128;01[' ]| ended 008:128;01[' ]| 008:128;01[' ]| then that you have your life and that you had it the long 008:128;01[' ]| journeys and company of your likes lost and forsaken when 008:128;01[' ]| the panting stops to$4$ that it all comes ill the end a 008:129;01[' ]| panting in the dark the mud not unlike certain laughs but 008:129;01[' ]| not one 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| or then that all begins and then the life you will have$1$ the 008:129;01[' ]| tormentor you will have$1$ the journey you will make the victim 008:129;01[' ]| you will have$1$ the two lives the three lives the life you had the 008:129;01[' ]| life you have the life you will have$1$ 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| hard to$9$ conceive this last when instead of beginning as 008:129;01[' ]| traveller I begin as victim and instead of continuing as 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| tormentor I continue as traveller and instead of ending 008:129;01[' ]| abandoned 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| instead of ending abandoned I end as tormentor 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| the essential would seem to$9$ be$1$ lacking 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| this solitude when the voice recounts it sole means of living 008:129;01[' ]| it 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| my life we are talking of my life 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| unless it recounts it the voice my life during that other solitude 008:129;01[' ]| when I journey that is to$9$ say$1$ instead of a first past a 008:129;01[' ]| second past and a present a past a present and a future 008:129;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| refreshillg alternations of history prophesy and latest news 008:129;01[' ]| whereby I learn in turn it is no doubt what keeps me young 008:129;01[' ]| how it was my life we are still talking of my life 008:129;01[' ]| 008:129;01[' ]| how it was before Pim how it was with Pim how it is present 008:129;01[' ]| formulation 008:130;01[' ]| how it was with Bom how it is how it will be$1$ with Pim 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| how it is how it will be$1$ with Bom how it will be$1$ before 008:130;01[' ]| Pim 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| how it was my life still with Pim how it is how it will be$1$ with 008:130;01[' ]| Bom 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| fleeting impression I quote that in trying to$9$ present in three 008:130;01[' ]| parts or episodes a affair which all things considered 008:130;01[' ]| inevolves four one is in danger of being incomplete 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| that to$4$ this third part now ending at last a fourth should 008:130;01[' ]| normally be$1$ appended in which would be$1$ seen among a 008:130;01[' ]| thousand and one other things scarcely or not at all to$9$ be$1$ 008:130;01[' ]| seen in the present formulation this thing 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| instead of me sticking the opener into Pim's arse Bom 008:130;01[' ]| sticking it into mine 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| and instead of Pim's cries his song and exorted voice be 008:130;01[' ]| heard indistinguishably similar mine 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| but we shall never see Bom at work I shall pant on in abeyance 008:130;01[' ]| in the dark the mud the voice being so ordered I quote 008:130;01[' ]| that of our total life it states only three quarters 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| now the first second and third now the fourth first and 008:130;01[' ]| second 008:130;01[' ]| 008:130;01[' ]| now the third fourth and first now the second third and 008:130;01[' ]| fourth 008:131;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| and so ordered that it is loath for the episode couple even in 008:131;01[' ]| its twofold aspect to$9$ figure twice in the same communication 008:131;01[' ]| as would be$1$ the case if instead of having me begin as 008:131;01[' ]| traveller present formulation or as abandoned possible 008:131;01[' ]| formulation it had me begin as tormentor or as victim 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| need then to$9$ emend what has just been said in which it succeeds 008:131;01[' ]| by saying in its stead that of the four three quarters 008:131;01[' ]| of our total life only three lend themselves to$4$ 008:131;01[' ]| communication 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| the three quarters of which the first the journey present 008:131;01[' ]| formulation and the three quarters of which the first the 008:131;01[' ]| abandon formulation equally defendable 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| loathing most understandable if it be kindly considered 008:131;01[' ]| that the two solitudes that of the journey and that of the 008:131;01[' ]| abandon differ appreciably and consequently merit separate 008:131;01[' ]| treatment whereas the two couples that in which I 008:131;01[' ]| figure in the north as tormentor and that in which I figure 008:131;01[' ]| in the south as victim compose the same spectacle exactly 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| having already appeared with Pim in my quality of 008:131;01[' ]| tormentor part two I have not to$9$ take cognizance of a part 008:131;01[' ]| four in which I would appear with Bom in my quality of 008:131;01[' ]| victim it is sufficient for this episode to$9$ be$1$ announced Bom 008:131;01[' ]| comes right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards 008:131;01[' ]| 008:131;01[' ]| or emotions sensations take a sudden interest in them and 008:131;01[' ]| even then what the fuck I quote does it matter who suffers 008:131;01[' ]| faint waver here faint tremor 008:132;01[' ]| the fuck who suffers who makes to$9$ suffer who cries who to$9$ 008:132;01[' ]| be$1$ left in peace in the dark the mud gibbers ten seconds 008:132;01[' ]| fifteen seconds of sun clouds earth sea patches of blue clear 008:132;01[' ]| nights and of a creature if not still standing still capable 008:132;01[' ]| of standing always the same imagination spent looking 008:132;01[' ]| for a hole that he may be$1$ seen no more in the middle of this 008:132;01[' ]| faery who drinks that drop of piss of being and who with his 008:132;01[' ]| last gasp pisses it to$9$ drink the moment it is someone each in 008:132;01[' ]| his turn as our justice wills and never any end it wills that 008:132;01[' ]| too all dead or none 008:132;01[' ]| 008:132;01[' ]| two possible formulations therefore the present and that 008:132;01[' ]| other beginning where the present ends and consequently 008:132;01[' ]| ending with the journey in the dark the mud the traveller 008:132;01[' ]| right leg right arm push pull coming so utterly from 008:132;01[' ]| nowhere and no*one and so utterly on his way there that he 008:132;01[' ]| has never ceased from travelling will never cease from 008:132;01[' ]| travelling dragging his sack where provisions are 008:132;01[' ]| dwindling but not so fast as appetite 008:132;01[' ]| 008:132;01[' ]| that cognizance then of the present communication be 008:132;01[' ]| taken backward and once studied from left to$4$ right its 008:132;01[' ]| course be retraced from right to$4$ left no objection 008:132;01[' ]| 008:132;01[' ]| on condition that by a effort of the imagination the still 008:132;01[' ]| central episode of the couple be duly adjusted 008:132;01[' ]| 008:132;01[' ]| all that once without scraps in me when the panting stops 008:132;01[' ]| ten seconds fifteen seconds all that fainter weaker less clear 008:132;01[' ]| but the purport in me when it abates the breath we are talking 008:132;01[' ]| of a breath token of life when it abates like a last in the 008:132;01[' ]| light then resumes a hundred and ten fifteen to$4$ the minute 008:133;01[' ]| when it abates ten seconds fifteen seconds 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| it is then I hear it my life here a life somewhere said to$9$ have$1$ 008:133;01[' ]| been mine still mine and still in store bits and scraps 008:133;01[' ]| strung together vast stretch of time a old tale my old 008:133;01[' ]| life each time Pim leaves me till Bom finds me it is 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| there 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| words quaqua then in me when the panting stops bits and 008:133;01[' ]| scraps a murmur this old life same old words same old 008:133;01[' ]| scraps millions of times each time the first how it was before 008:133;01[' ]| Pim before that again with Pim after Pim before Bom how 008:133;01[' ]| it is how it will be$1$ all that words for all that in me I hear 008:133;01[' ]| them murmur them 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| my life ten seconds fifteen seconds it is then I have it 008:133;01[' ]| murmur it it is preferable more logical brief movements of the 008:133;01[' ]| lower face with murmur in the mud 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| of am ancient voice ill-spoken ill-heard murmur ill some 008:133;01[' ]| ancient scraps for Kram who listens Krim who notes or Kram 008:133;01[' ]| alone one is enough Kram alone witness and scribe his 008:133;01[' ]| lamps their light upon me Kram with me bending over me 008:133;01[' ]| till the age-limit then his son his son's son so on 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| with me when I journey with me with Pim with me abandoned 008:133;01[' ]| part three and last with me with Bom from age to$4$ age 008:133;01[' ]| their lamps their light upon me 008:133;01[' ]| 008:133;01[' ]| their books where all is noted whatever little there is to$9$ 008:133;01[' ]| note my doings my murmur ten seconds fifteen seconds part 008:133;01[' ]| three and last present formulation 008:134;01[' ]| my life a voice without quaqua on all sides words scraps 008:134;01[' ]| then nothing then again more words more scraps the same 008:134;01[' ]| ill-spoken ill-heard then nothing vast stretch of time then 008:134;01[' ]| in me in the vault bone-white if there were a light bits and 008:134;01[' ]| scraps ten seconds fifteen seconds ill-heard ill-murmured 008:134;01[' ]| ill-heard ill-recorded my whole life a gibberish garbled 008:134;01[' ]| six-fold 008:134;01[' ]| 008:134;01[' ]| the panting stops I hear it my life I have it murmur it it is 008:134;01[' ]| preferable more logical for Kram to$9$ note and if we are 008:134;01[' ]| innumerable then Krams innumerable if you like or one alone 008:134;01[' ]| my Kram mine alone he is enough here where justice reigns 008:134;01[' ]| one life all life not two lives our justice one Kram not one of 008:134;01[' ]| us there is reason in me yet his son begets his son leaves the 008:134;01[' ]| light Kram goes back up into the light to$9$ end his days 008:134;01[' ]| 008:134;01[' ]| or no Kram that too when the panting stops a ear above 008:134;01[' ]| somewhere above and unto it the murmur ascending and if 008:134;01[' ]| we are innumerable then murmurs innumerable all alike 008:134;01[' ]| our justice one life everywhere ill-told ill-heard quaqua on 008:134;01[' ]| all sides then within when the panting stops ten seconds 008:134;01[' ]| fifteen seconds in the little chamber all bone-white if there 008:134;01[' ]| were a light oakum of old words ill-heard ill-murmured 008:134;01[' ]| that murmur those murmurs 008:134;01[' ]| 008:134;01[' ]| fallen in the mud from our mouths innumerable and ascending 008:134;01[' ]| to$4$ where there is a ear a mind to$9$ understand a means of 008:134;01[' ]| noting a care for us the wish to$9$ note the curiosity to$9$ 008:134;01[' ]| 008:134;01[' ]| understand a ear to$9$ hear even ill these scraps of other scraps of 008:134;01[' ]| a antique rigmarole 008:134;01[' ]| 008:134;01[' ]| immemorial imperishable like us the ear we are talking 008:135;01[' ]| of a ear above in the light and in that case for us days 008:135;01[' ]| of great gaiety in that untiring listening to$4$ this unchanging 008:135;01[' ]| drone the faint sign for us of a change some day nay even off 008:135;01[' ]| a end in all honour and justice 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| or for which as for us each time the first and in that case no 008:135;01[' ]| problem 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| or of the fragile kind made for the blackbirds when to$4$ the 008:135;01[' ]| day the long night yields at last and to$4$ the night a little later 008:135;01[' ]| the interminable day but us this life how it was how it is 008:135;01[' ]| how most certainly it will be$1$ not made for that a second 008:135;01[' ]| time next per shaving and in that case no surprise to$9$ be$1$ 008:135;01[' ]| expected either 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| all that among other things so many others ill-spoken 008:135;01[' ]| ill-heard ill-remembered to$4$ the sole end that there may be$1$ 008:135;01[' ]| white on white trace of so many and so many words ill-given 008:135;01[' ]| ill-received ill-rendered to$4$ the mud and whose ear in 008:135;01[' ]| these conditions the gift of understanding the care for us 008:135;01[' ]| the means of noting what does it matter 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| whose his in charge of the sacks the sacks possible and food 008:135;01[' ]| these words again the sack as we have seen 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| the sack as we have seen there being occasions when the 008:135;01[' ]| sack as we have seen is more than a mere larder for us yes 008:135;01[' ]| moments when if needs be$1$ it may appear more than a mere 008:135;01[' ]| larder to$4$ us 008:135;01[' ]| 008:135;01[' ]| those words of old in their place of old end of part 008:135;01[' ]| three and last present formulation at the end before the 008:136;01[' ]| silence the panting without pause the animal in want of air 008:136;01[' ]| the mouth murmuring them to$4$ the mud and the continuation 008:136;01[' ]| of old when the panting stops ten words fifteen words 008:136;01[' ]| a murmur to$4$ the mud 008:136;01[' ]| 008:136;01[' ]| and later much later these aeons my God when it stops again 008:136;01[' ]| ten more fifteen more in me a murmur scarce a breath then 008:136;01[' ]| from mouth to$4$ mud brief kiss brush of lips faint kiss 008:136;01[' ]| 008:136;01[' ]| namely string them together last reasonings namely these 008:136;01[' ]| sacks these sacks one must understand try and understand 008:136;01[' ]| these sacks innumerable with us here for our journeys 008:136;01[' ]| innumerable on this narrow track one foot two foot all here in 008:136;01[' ]| position already like us all here in position at the 008:136;01[' ]| inconceivable start of this caravan no impossible 008:136;01[' ]| 008:136;01[' ]| impossible that at at every journey we should have$1$ had to$9$ 008:136;01[' ]| scale a mountain of sacks and should still have$1$ and should 008:136;01[' ]| for*ever have$1$ each one of us at every journey in order to$9$ 008:136;01[' ]| reach his victim to$9$ scale a mountain of sacks our progress 008:136;01[' ]| as we have seen while admittedly laborious yet the terrain 008:136;01[' ]| the terrain try and understand no accidents no asperities our 008:136;01[' ]| justice 008:136;01[' ]| 008:136;01[' ]| last reasonings last figures number 777777 leaves number 008:136;01[' ]| 777776 on his way unwitting towards number 777778 finds 008:136;01[' ]| the sack without which he would not go far takes it unto 008:136;01[' ]| himself and continues on his way the same to$9$ be$1$ taken 008:136;01[' ]| by number 777776 in his turn and after him by number 008:136;01[' ]| 777775 and so back to$4$ the unimaginable number 1 each one 008:136;01[' ]| no sooner on his way than he finds the sack indispensable to$4$ 008:136;01[' ]| his journey and not to$9$ be$1$ relinquished till a little before 008:136;01[' ]| arrival as we have seen 008:137;01[' ]| whence if all the sacks in position like us at the beginning 008:137;01[' ]| that hypothesis such a acervation of sacks on the track nay 008:137;01[' ]| concentrated in a little room since each finds his as we have 008:137;01[' ]| seen his sack we are talking of our sacks no sooner his 008:137;01[' ]| tormentor forsaken as he must if he is ever to$9$ reach his victim 008:137;01[' ]| as we have seen if his victim is ever to$9$ be$1$ reached 008:137;01[' ]| 008:137;01[' ]| such a acervation of sacks at the very outset that all 008:137;01[' ]| progress impossible and no sooner imparted to$4$ the caravan 008:137;01[' ]| the unthinkable first impulsion than arrested for*ever and 008:137;01[' ]| frozen in injustice 008:137;01[' ]| 008:137;01[' ]| then from left to$4$ right or west to$4$ east the atrocious spectacle 008:137;01[' ]| on into the black night of boundless futurity of the 008:137;01[' ]| abandoned tormentor never to$9$ be$1$ victim then a little space then 008:137;01[' ]| his brief journey done prostrate at the foot of a mountain 008:137;01[' ]| of provisions the victim never to$9$ be$1$ tormentor then a great 008:137;01[' ]| space then another abandoned so on infinitely 008:137;01[' ]| 008:137;01[' ]| for clear as day that similarly obstructed without exception 008:137;01[' ]| each and every section of track or segment between 008:137;01[' ]| consecutive couples consecutive abandons according as one 008:137;01[' ]| considers it the track we are talking of the track its sections 008:137;01[' ]| or segments before the departures or during the journeys 008:137;01[' ]| the panting stops and clear as day that similarly obstructed 008:137;01[' ]| without exception each and every section or segment and 008:137;01[' ]| for the same reasons our justice 008:137;01[' ]| 008:137;01[' ]| thus need for the billionth time part three and last present 008:137;01[' ]| formulation at the end before the silence the panting without 008:137;01[' ]| pause if we are to$9$ be$1$ possible our couplings journeys and 008:137;01[' ]| abandons need of one not one of us a intelligence 008:138;01[' ]| somewhere a love who all along the track at the right places 008:138;01[' ]| according as we need them deposits our sacks 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| ten yards fifteen yards to$4$ the east of the couples the abandoned 008:138;01[' ]| according as deposited before the departures or 008:138;01[' ]| during the journeys those are the right places 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| and to$4$ whom given our number not unreasonable to$9$ 008:138;01[' ]| attribute exceptional powers or else at his beck assistants 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| innumerable and to$4$ whom in pursuance of the principle of 008:138;01[' ]| parsimony not excessive at times ten seconds fifteen seconds 008:138;01[' ]| to$9$ assign the ear which Kram eliminated our murmur 008:138;01[' ]| demands otherwise desert flower 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| and that minimum of intelligence without which it were a 008:138;01[' ]| ear like ours and that strange care for us not to$9$ be$1$ found 008:138;01[' ]| among us and the wish and ability to$9$ note which we have 008:138;01[' ]| not 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| cumulation of offices most understandable if it will be$1$ 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| kindly considered that to$9$ hear and note one of our murmurs 008:138;01[' ]| is to$9$ hear and note them all 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| and sudden light on the sacks at what moment renewed at 008:138;01[' ]| some moment in the life of the couples since it is while the 008:138;01[' ]| victim journeys as we have seen and indeed see that the 008:138;01[' ]| abandoned tormentor murmurs or else ring the knell while 008:138;01[' ]| following the hearse it is possible too there is a poor light 008:138;01[' ]| 008:138;01[' ]| and to$4$ whom at times not extravagant to$9$ impute that voice 008:138;01[' ]| quaqua the voice of us all of which now when the panting 008:138;01[' ]| stops ten seconds fifteen seconds definitely the last scraps 008:138;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ come down to$4$ us and in what a state 008:139;01[' ]| there he is then at last that not one of us there we are then 008:139;01[' ]| at last who listens to$4$ himself and who when he lends his 008:139;01[' ]| ear to$4$ our murmur does no more than lend it to$4$ a story of 008:139;01[' ]| his own devising ill-inspired ill-told and so ancient so 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| forgotten at each telling that ours may seem faithful that we 008:139;01[' ]| murmur to$4$ the mud to$4$ him 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| and this life in the dark and mud its joys and sorrows 008:139;01[' ]| journeys intimacies and abandons as with a single voice 008:139;01[' ]| perpetually broken now one half of us and now the other 008:139;01[' ]| we exhale it pretty much the same as the one he had 008:139;01[' ]| devised 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| and of which untiringly every twenty or forty years 008:139;01[' ]| according to$4$ certain of our figures he recalls to$4$ our abandoned 008:139;01[' ]| the essential features 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| and this anonymous voice self-styled quaqua the voice of us 008:139;01[' ]| all that was without on all sides then in us when the panting 008:139;01[' ]| stops bits and scraps barely audible certainly distorted 008:139;01[' ]| there it is at last the voice of him who before listening to$4$ 008:139;01[' ]| us murmur what we are tells us what we are as best he 008:139;01[' ]| can 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| of him to$4$ whom we are further indebted for our 008:139;01[' ]| unfailing rations which inable us to$9$ advance without pause 008:139;01[' ]| or rest 008:139;01[' ]| 008:139;01[' ]| of him who God knows who could blame him must 008:139;01[' ]| sometimes wonder if to$4$ these perpetual revictuallings narrations 008:139;01[' ]| and auditions he might not put a end without ceasing to$9$ 008:139;01[' ]| maintain us in some kind of being without end and some 008:139;01[' ]| kind of justice without flaw who could blame him 008:140;01[' ]| and if finally he might not with profit revise us by means 008:140;01[' ]| for example of a pronouncement to$4$ the effect that this 008:140;01[' ]| diversity is not our portion nor these refreshing transitions 008:140;01[' ]| from solitary travellers to$4$ tormentors of our immediate 008:140;01[' ]| fellows and from abandoned tormentors to$4$ their victims 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| nor all this black air that breathes through our ranks and 008:140;01[' ]| enshrines as in a thebaid our couples and our solitudes as 008:140;01[' ]| well of the journey as of the abandon 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| but that in reality we are one and all from the unthinkable 008:140;01[' ]| first to$4$ the no less unthinkable last glued together in a vast 008:140;01[' ]| imbrication of flesh without breach or fissure 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| for as we have seen part two how it was with Pim the 008:140;01[' ]| coming into contact of mouth and ear leads to$4$ a slight 008:140;01[' ]| overlapping of flesh in the region of the shoulders 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| and that linked thus bodily together each one of us is at the 008:140;01[' ]| same time Bom and Pim tormentor and tormented pedant 008:140;01[' ]| and dunce wooer and wooed speechless and reafflicted with 008:140;01[' ]| speech in the dark the mud nothing to$9$ emend there 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| there he is then again last figures the inevitable number 008:140;01[' ]| 777777 at the instant when he buries the opener in the arse 008:140;01[' ]| of number 777778 and is rewarded by a feeble cry cut short 008:140;01[' ]| as we have seen by the thump on skull who on being stimulated 008:140;01[' ]| at the same instant and in the same way by number 008:140;01[' ]| 777776 makes his own private moan which same fate 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| something wrong there 008:140;01[' ]| 008:140;01[' ]| and who at the instant when clawed in the armpit by number 008:141;01[' ]| 777776 he sings applies the same treatment to$4$ number 008:141;01[' ]| 777778 with no less success 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| so on and similarly all along the chain in both directions for 008:141;01[' ]| all our other joys and sorrows all we extort and endure from 008:141;01[' ]| one another from the one to$4$ the other inconceivable end of 008:141;01[' ]| this immeasurable wallow 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| formulation to$9$ be$1$ adjusted assuredly in the light of our 008:141;01[' ]| limits and possibilities but which will always present this 008:141;01[' ]| advantage that by eliminating all journeys all abandons it 008:141;01[' ]| eliminates at the same stroke all occasion of sacks and voices 008:141;01[' ]| quaqua then in us when the panting stops 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| and the procession which seemed as if it must be$1$ eternal our 008:141;01[' ]| justice the advantage of stopping it without prejudice to$4$ a 008:141;01[' ]| single one among us for try and stop it without first closing 008:141;01[' ]| our ranks and of two things one 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| it is stopped at the season of our couples and in that case 008:141;01[' ]| one half of us tormentors in perpetuity victims in perpetuity 008:141;01[' ]| the other 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| it is stopped at the season of our journeys and in that case 008:141;01[' ]| solitude guaranteed for all assuredly but not in justice since 008:141;01[' ]| the traveller to$4$ whom life owes a victim will never have$1$ another 008:141;01[' ]| and never another tormentor the abandoned to$4$ whom 008:141;01[' ]| life owes one 008:141;01[' ]| 008:141;01[' ]| and other iniquities leave them dark pant wilder one is 008:141;01[' ]| enough last scraps very last when the panting stops try and 008:141;01[' ]| catch them last murmurs very last 008:142;01[' ]| namely first to$9$ have$1$ done with this not one of us 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| his dream of putting a end to$4$ our journeys abandons need 008:142;01[' ]| of sustenance and murmurs 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| to$4$ the extenuating purveyances of every description that 008:142;01[' ]| devolve on him in consequence 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| without being reduced on that account to$4$ whelming us one 008:142;01[' ]| and all even to$4$ the unimaginable last at one stroke in this 008:142;01[' ]| black mud and nothing on its surface ever more to$9$ sully 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| in justice and the safeguard of our essential activities 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| this new formulation namely this new life to$9$ have$1$ done 008:142;01[' ]| with that 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| sudden question if in spite of this conglomeration of all our 008:142;01[' ]| bodies we are not still the object of a slow translation from 008:142;01[' ]| west to$4$ east one is tempted 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| if it will kindly be$1$ considered that while it is in our interest 008:142;01[' ]| as tormentors to$9$ remain where we are as victims our urge 008:142;01[' ]| is to$9$ move on 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| and that of these two aspirations warring in each heart it 008:142;01[' ]| would be$1$ normal for the latter to$9$ triumph if only 008:142;01[' ]| narrowly 008:142;01[' ]| 008:142;01[' ]| for as we have seen in the days that word again of journeys 008:142;01[' ]| and abandons a most remarkable thing when you come to$9$ 008:142;01[' ]| think of it only the victims journeyed 008:143;01[' ]| the tormentors as though struck numb with stupor instead 008:143;01[' ]| of giving chase right leg right arm push pull ten yards 008:143;01[' ]| fifteen yards lying where abandoned penalty perhaps of their 008:143;01[' ]| recent exertions but effect also of our justice 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| though in what this diminished by a general free for all one 008:143;01[' ]| does not see 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| involving for one and all the same obligation precisely 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| that of fleeing without fear while pursuing without 008:143;01[' ]| hope 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| and if it is still possible at this late hour to$9$ conceive of other 008:143;01[' ]| worlds 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| as just as ours but less exquisitely organized 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| one perhaps there is one perhaps somewhere merciful 008:143;01[' ]| enough to$9$ shelter such frolics where no*one ever abandons 008:143;01[' ]| anyone and no*one ever waits for anyone and never two 008:143;01[' ]| bodies touch 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| and if it may seem strange that without food to$9$ sustain us 008:143;01[' ]| we can drag ourselves thus by the mere grace of our united 008:143;01[' ]| net sufferings from west to$4$ east towards a inexistent peace 008:143;01[' ]| we are invited kindly to$9$ consider 008:143;01[' ]| 008:143;01[' ]| that for the likes of us and no matter how we are recounted 008:143;01[' ]| there is more nourishment in a cry nay a sigh torn from one 008:143;01[' ]| whose only good is silence or in speech extorted from 008:143;01[' ]| one at last delivered from its use than sardines can ever 008:143;01[' ]| offer 008:144;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ done then at last with all that last scraps very last 008:144;01[' ]| when the panting stops and this voice to$9$ have$1$ done with this 008:144;01[' ]| voice namely this life 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| this not one of us harping harping mad too with weariness 008:144;01[' ]| to$9$ have$1$ done with him 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| has he not staring him in the face I quote on a solution more 008:144;01[' ]| simple by far and by far more radical 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| a formulation that would eliminate him completely and so 008:144;01[' ]| admit him to$4$ that peace at least while rendering me in the 008:144;01[' ]| same breath sole responsible for this unqualifiable murmur 008:144;01[' ]| of which consequently here the last scraps at last very 008:144;01[' ]| last 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| in the familiar form of questions I am said to$9$ ask myself 008:144;01[' ]| and answers I am said to$9$ give myself however unlikely that 008:144;01[' ]| may appear last scraps very last when the panting stops last 008:144;01[' ]| murmurs very last however unlikely that may appear 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| if all that all that yes if all that is not how shall I say$1$ no 008:144;01[' ]| answer if all that is not false yes 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| all these calculations yes explanations yes the whole story 008:144;01[' ]| from beginning to$4$ end yes completely false yes 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| that was not how it was no not at all no how then no answer 008:144;01[' ]| how was it then no answer HOW WAS IT screams good 008:144;01[' ]| 008:144;01[' ]| there was something yes but nothing of all that no all balls 008:144;01[' ]| from start to$4$ finish yes this voice quaqua yes all balls yes 008:145;01[' ]| only one voice here yes mine yes when the panting stops 008:145;01[' ]| yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| when the panting stops yes so that was true yes the panting 008:145;01[' ]| yes the murmur yes in the dark yes in the mud yes to$4$ the 008:145;01[' ]| mud yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| hard to$9$ believe too yes that I have a voice yes in me yes 008:145;01[' ]| when the panting stops yes not at other times no and that 008:145;01[' ]| I murmur yes I yes in the dark yes in the mud yes for 008:145;01[' ]| nothing yes I yes but it must be$1$ believed yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| and the mud yes the dark yes the mud and the dark are true 008:145;01[' ]| yes nothing to$9$ regret there no 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| but all this business of voices yes quaqua yes of other 008:145;01[' ]| worlds yes of someone in another world yes whose kind of 008:145;01[' ]| dream I am yes said to$9$ be$1$ yes that he dreams all the time 008:145;01[' ]| yes tells all the time yes his only dream yes his only story 008:145;01[' ]| yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| all this business of sacks deposited yes at the end of a cord 008:145;01[' ]| no doubt yes of a ear listening to$4$ me yes a care for me yes 008:145;01[' ]| a ability to$9$ note yes all that all balls yes Krim and Kram 008:145;01[' ]| yes all balls yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| and all this business of above yes light yes skies yes a little 008:145;01[' ]| blue yes a little white yes the earth turning yes bright and 008:145;01[' ]| less bright yes little scenes yes all balls yes the women yes 008:145;01[' ]| the dog yes the prayers yes the homes yes all balls yes 008:145;01[' ]| 008:145;01[' ]| and this business of a procession no answer this business 008:146;01[' ]| of a procession yes never any procession no nor any 008:146;01[' ]| journey no never any Pim no nor any Bom no never anyone 008:146;01[' ]| no only me no answer only me yes so that was true 008:146;01[' ]| yes it was true about me yes and what is my name no answer 008:146;01[' ]| WHAT is MY NAME screams good 008:146;01[' ]| 008:146;01[' ]| only me in any case yes alone yes in the mud yes the dark 008:146;01[' ]| yes that holds yes the mud and the dark hold yes nothing to$9$ 008:146;01[' ]| regret there no with my sack no I beg your pardon no no 008:146;01[' ]| sack either no not even a sack with me no 008:146;01[' ]| 008:146;01[' ]| only me yes alone yes with my voice yes my murmur yes 008:146;01[' ]| when the panting stops yes all that holds yes panting yes 008:146;01[' ]| worse and worse no answer WORSE AND WORSE yes 008:146;01[' ]| at on my belly yes in the mud yes the dark yes nothing 008:146;01[' ]| to$9$ emend there no the arms spread yes like a cross no answer 008:146;01[' ]| like A CROSS no answer YES OR NO yes 008:146;01[' ]| 008:146;01[' ]| never crawled no in a amble no right leg right arm push 008:146;01[' ]| pull ten yards fifteen yards no never stirred no never made 008:146;01[' ]| to$9$ suffer no never suffered no answer NEVER SUFFERED 008:146;01[' ]| no never abandoned no never was abandoned no so that is 008:146;01[' ]| life here no answer that is MY LIFE HERE screams 008:146;01[' ]| good 008:146;01[' ]| 008:146;01[' ]| alone in the mud yes the dark yes sure yes panting yes someone 008:146;01[' ]| hears me no no*one hears me no murmuring sometimes 008:146;01[' ]| yes when the panting stops yes not at other times no in the 008:146;01[' ]| mud yes to$4$ the mud yes my voice yes mine yes not another's 008:146;01[' ]| no mine alone yes sure yes when the panting stops yes on 008:146;01[' ]| and off yes a few words yes a few scraps yes that no*one 008:146;01[' ]| hears no but less and less no answer LESS AND LESS 008:146;01[' ]| yes 008:147;01[' ]| so things may change no answer end no answer I may choke 008:147;01[' ]| no answer sink no answer sully the mud no more no answer 008:147;01[' ]| the dark no answer trouble the peace no more no answer the 008:147;01[' ]| silence no answer die no answer DIE screams I MAY DIE 008:147;01[' ]| screams I SHALL DIE screams good 008:147;01[' ]| 008:147;01[' ]| good good end at last of part three and last that is how it