| | | | | We were lingering about the hallowed precincts of St. | Stephens, on the way to the great hall, contemplating the | fathers of English liberty with whose images a grateful | posterity lines the passages, and puzzling over the apparent | phenomenon that all great men have small heads, when we | found ourselves in the centre of a stream of human beings | hotly careering in one direction. There were counsel in | wigs, attorneys dandling huge briefs, oppressed-looking | clerks groaning under blue bags, and a nondescript crowd | of keen eager-looking faces, panting and steaming as they | elbowed each other through the splendid hall. We suffered | our steps to follow the rush, which was indeed making a | virtue of necessity, and after a desperate struggle up a | gorgeous but somewhat ill-smelling staircase, we found | ourselves in a huge square room hung round with maps. | There was a bar in front of us, and beyond that a horse-shoe | table, round which five weary-looking gentlemen were | seated. It was that awful tribunal, a Committee of the | House of Commons. In the centre was the chairman, whom | we recognised as Sir Tunbelly Turnbull, M.P. for an | agricultural county in the west, noted for his success in | fating pigs, and a great connoisseur in middens. On one | side was Mr. O'Blunderbuss, Dr. M'Hale's representative on | the principle of universal opposition and Mr. Muddle a | small country grocer, whom the late apotheosis of town | clerks had exalted into a senator. On the other side sat a | scamp of a Life-Guardsman, whom his aristocratic mother | had sent into the House as the sole chance of making him | steady, and a Yellow Admiral, who has a strong opinion on | the peculiar construction of scuppers, but has never been | known to express any opinion on any other subject | whatever. | We wondered what these sages could possibly have met to | discuss, and what human being could pay the slightest | deference to their decision. But on listening to Mr. Hope | Scott and Serjeant Wrangham, who were arguing at the bar, | we discovered that the disposal of several millions turned | on their sentence. Indeed there were many witnesses in the | room who loudly asseverated that, if the project under | discussion were sanctioned, they would be utterly ruined. | The matter just then at issue was a nice point of | conveyancing, which at that moment was still | sub judice in the Court of Chancery. | Serjeant Wrangham had succeeded in convincing the | Life-Guardsman that the fee-simple of land had no connexion | with a lawyer's fee; but he had been compelled to do so | with the greatest delicacy, for his young lordship was very | sulky at being supposed to be ignorant of anything, and was | very much inclined to swear. The argument proceeded. | The counsel flung cases at each other, which certainly the | Committee, and probably no-one | else, had ever heard of, and overwhelmed the | tribunal with legal terms which, warned by the fate of his | fellow-ignoramus, the Life-Guardsman, Sir Tunbelly was | too prudent to ask the meaning of. The rest of the | Committee took the infliction in various ways. Mr. | O'Blunderbuss kept shaking his head knowingly at all the | points, to make believe he understood, and would | occasionally interject a joke, at which counsel, agents, | witnesses, and public roared . Mr. Muddle | appeared to be taking notes; but his papers being afterwards | found on the table, it appeared that he had been calculating | the effect of the Budget on the prices of tea. The | Life-Guardsman gave himself up unreservedly to sandwiches; | and the Yellow Admiral, wisest of all, fairly snored. | In our innocence, we inquired of a friend close by, who we | know was an ardent admirer of the constitution, how this | strange collection of varieties had been set in a position to | dispose at will of the property of their fellow-subjects. We | were told in answer, that they had been elected by sundry | communities of publicans, small tradesmen, or small | farmers, to give effect to certain political opinions on the | Ballot, Church Rates, and other like matters. But why we | asked, was that supposed to fit them to adjudicate on legal | points, and to adjust the claims of those to whose detriment | railways or other works might have to be carried out? The | only answer we could obtain was, that the House of | Commons was an ancient body, and was loth to part with | its privileges. But we had been often told by the | Times, in which we are implicit | believers, that this House of Commons contained some of | the best men of business in the country. ! | answered our informant, . We further learned, | that these sapient judges are irresponsible ~~ that their | power extends over all property, and to the abrogation of | any title and any law ~~ that they are bound by no code or | precedent, except their own views of equity and policy ~~ | that their sentence, if it be against a project, is without | appeal, and that, if in its favour, there is no appeal for those | whom its operation may injure, except to a tribunal nearly | as bad in the House of Lords. We were moreover informed | that the management of these judges, to whom legal | acumen appeals in vain, is so delicate a matter, and requires | such peculiar talents, that the fortunate few who possess | them are able to charge the luckless suitors, whose all | depends upon their aid, as much as fifteen guineas for | every four hours. We thought to ourselves that it was idle | to talk of the House of Commons being unchristianized; for | verily it is the only body in Christendom whose zeal goes | so far that it carries out to the letter the Apostle's ironical | precept, to . But while we were communicating | this original thought to our friend, the Yellow Admiral | awoke and called us to order, to show that he had been | attending all the while.