| | | | | | What we have said in another place about the odium which | attaches to

"match-making"

naturally applies in a | far greater degree to

"husband-hunting."

| Practically the two words mean much the same thing, since | the successful result of a husband-hunt is of course a | match, and match-making, in the common acceptation of | the term, involves a husband-hunt. This latter fact is | somewhat curious. There is no reason in the nature of | things why the word match-making should be associated | only with the pursuit of the unmarried male. On the | contrary, the theory of marriage has always been that it is | the woman who has to be hunted down. It is curious to note | under what completely different circumstances, and | occasionally in what grotesque forms, the same theory has | been found all over the world, both in civilized and savage | life. Sometimes the bride is carried away bodily from her | home, as if nothing short of physical force could make a | woman quit her maiden state. Sometimes the panting | bridegroom has to run her down ~~ no slight task if the | adorer happens to be stout, and the adored one coquettish | and fleet of foot. In marriage, this custom prevails only, we | believe among the savages, but visitors to the Crystal | Palace | | | may see how modern civilization has adapted it to | courtship in the popular pastime of kiss-in-the-ring. | We have read of a savage tribe in which the bride is | thought no better than she should be, if, on the day after the | wedding, the bridegroom does no show signs of having | been vigorously pinched and scratched. This custom, again, | is perhaps represented in civilized by the kidding and | struggling which are supposed every Christmas to go on | under the mistletoe. It is not unworthy of remark, as regards | these two points of comparison between civilization and | barbarism, that, as the woman gets more civilized, she | seems more disposed to meet her pursuer halfway. In the | game of kiss-in-the-ring, for instance, although the lady | does not run after the gentleman, but, on the contrary, | shows her a maiden modesty by giving him as hard a chase | as she can, she still delicately paves the way for osculation | by throwing the pocket-handkerchief. And, in the | Christmas fights under the mistletoe (if we may take Mr. | Dickens as an authority), slapping, and even pinching in | moderation, are considered allowable ~~ perhaps we ought | to say proper ~~ on the lady’s part; but scratching ~~ | serious scratching, we mean, which would make her | admirer’s face look next morning as if he had been taking | liberties with a savage bird or a cat ~~ is thought not | merely unnecessary, but unfair. | The difference between civilized and savage woman may | perhaps help to indicate the reason why, now-a-days, | match-making should, as a matter of fact, be associated | with husband-hunting in spite of the theory | | That it is the woman who has to be hunted, not the man. | Popular phraseology has an awkward trick of making | people unconsciously countenance the theories against | which they most vehemently protest. Husband-hunting is a | far more generally obnoxious word than even the | much-injured match-making, simply because it flies in the face | of the pet theory which we have described. But, if the theory | really hold good in modern practice, why should man, not | woman, be recognized as the professional match-maker’s | victim and legitimate game? Why does not wife-hunting, | the word which this theory entitles us to expect, take its | proper place in society? Heiress-hunting, indeed, is well | known, but this can scarcely be considered a form of | wife-hunting, for it is not the woman who is the object of | pursuit, but her money-bags. We have the word heiress-hunting | for the very obvious reason that heiresses are | recognized game. The word husband-hunting exists for the | same reason. | Are we to infer from the non-existence, or at any rate the | non-appearance in good society, of the word wife-hunting, | that the practice is anything but common ~~ that, since a | hunt necessarily implies pursuit on one side and flight on | the other, a man cannot well be said to hunt a woman who | is either engaged in hunting him, or else only too ready to | meet him halfway! Are we gradually tending towards an | advanced stage of civilization in which woman will be | formally recognized as the pursuer, and man as the | pursued? We are not bold enough to take under our | | protection a view to glaringly heterodox, but still we think | it only common justice to point out that there are difficult | problems in the present state of society which the view | helps materially to solve. We fear, for instance, there can | be no doubt that there is a good deal of truth in the | Belgravian mother’s lament that marriage is gradually | ceasing to be considered

"the thing"

among the | young men of the present day; that girls of good families | and even good looks are taking to sisterhoods, and | nursing-institutes, and new-fangled abominations, simply | because there is no-one to marry them. | It is not merely that the young men are getting every day | rarer; though, unless there is some system, like Pharaoh’s, | for putting male infants to death, what can become of them | all is a mystery. India and the colonies may absorb a good | many, though these places also do duty in the absorption of | spinsterhood. But this will not account for the alarming | fact, that in almost every ball-room, no matter whether in | the country or in town, there are usually at least three | crinolines to one tail-coat, and that dancing bachelors are | becoming so scarce that it is a question whether hostesses | ought not, for their own peace of mind, to connive at the | introduction of the Oriental match. Yet even the alarming | scarcity of marriageable men is not so serious an evil as | their growing disinclination to marry. | With the causes of this disinclination we are not now | concerned. Some attribute it to the increase of luxurious | and expensive habits among bachelors ~~ | | habits specially fostered by

"those hateful clubs;"

| some to the

"snobbishness"

which makes a | woman consider it beneath her dignity to marry into an | establishment less stylish than that which is has perhaps | taken her father all his life to secure; some to the | demi-monde ~~ an explanation very like the theory | that small-pox is caused by pustules. But, whatever may be | the causes of the disinclination, there can be but little doubt | that it exists, and the worst part of the matter is, that it is | found among rich men no less than among poor. That really | poor me n should not wish to marry is, even the Belgravian | mother must admit, an admirable arrangement of nature. | But it is too bad that so many men-about-town should seem | rich enough for yachting, or racing , or opera-boxes, or | even diamond necklaces, for anything, in short, but a wife. | The fact is, that the eyes of poor men, a wife is associated | chiefly with the handsome carriage, showy dresses, fine | furniture, and other forbidden luxuries; and inasmuch as | there is not one law of association for the rich and another | for the poor, this view spreads, until even rich men consider | whether it is not possible to secure the luxuries without the | wife. | Now, since marriage is, on the whole, an institution with | which society cannot very well dispense ~~ at any rate not | until some good substitute has been found for it ~~ it is | clear that rich me ought not to be allowed to treat it in this | way. If modern civilization tnes to beget a disinclination to | marry, it ought also, on the principle of compensation, to | provide some means | | for counteracting this tendency, or keeping it under control. | Is the increase of husband-hunting ~~ we ask the question | in a respectful and, we trust, purely philosophical spirit of | inquiry ~~ calculated to supply this great and obvious | want? What are its merits, in this respect, as compared with | the old-fashioned theory that woman should be wooed, not | woo? Even the most inveterate hater of husband-hunting | must admit that, so far as the great end of matrimony is | concerned, the two sexes nowadays stand to each other in a | most unnatural relation. It is alike the mission of both to | marry, but whereas women are honorably anxious to fulfill | this mission, men, as we have already seen, are too ready to | shirk it. Yet, by a strange inversion of the usual order of | things, to the very sex which evades the mission is its | furtherance and chief control entrusted. | Besides, not only does woman take more kindly to the duty | of matrimony than man ~~ or at least nineteenth-century | man ~~ but she has comparatively nothing else to think | about. A dozen occupations are open to him, but her one | object in life, her whole being’s end and aim, is to marry. | Surely, if the art of marriage requires cultivation, it ought, | like everything else, to be entrusted to those who can give | their whole time to it, not to those who have so much else | to do. Even when a bachelor is in a position to marry, and | not unwilling to make the experiment, he is still far less | fitted for the furtherance of matrimony than a woman he, | perhaps, meets a nice girl at a ball, is taken with her, and | after a mild flirtation | | thinks, as he walks home in the moonlight, that she would | make a charming wife. He dreams about her, and next | morning at breakfast, as he pensively eats a pound of steak, | resolves that on the same afternoon, or the next at the very | latest, he will contrive an accidental meeting, or even find | some excuse for a call. But then comes office-work, or the | times, or some other distraction, and later on a | visit from some matter-of-fact friend with an unromantic | taste for

"bitter,"

or a weakness for the | Burlington Arcade. One day slips away, and by the next the | image of the evening’s idol has waxed comparatively faint. | At least it is not sufficiently vivid to inspire him with | courage enough for a call, or a too suspicious-looking | rencontre. In a week he bows to the image, as it is driven | by, as coolly as if he had never had a thought of making his | heart its shrine; and thus a golden opportunity for bringing | together two young people, in whose auspicious union the | whole community has an interest, ahs been cruelly thrown | away. | How different might the case have been if fashion had | allowed the lady to take the initiative, instead of compelling | her to sit idly at home! She has no office-work, nor | Times, nor any business but that of bringing last | night’s flirtation to a practical issue. Assuming her to be | satisfied as to the eligibility of her partner, there is nothing | to prevent her giving her whole time and attention to his | capture. She is as little likely to throw away any chance of | an interview calculated to help in bringing about this result | as he is to neglect an opportunity for winning the | | lawn sleeves or silk gown. Marriage is of as much | importance to her as either of these to him. It is, perhaps, | not impossible that the mere notion of a woman’s thus | taking the initiative in courtship may to some appear | outrageously immodest. But with this point we have | nothing to do, as we have been discussing the theory of | husband-hunting, not with any reference to its modesty, but | solely and exclusively in its connexion with the great | question, how marriage is to be carried on. We put together | the three facts that nineteenth-century civilization makes | men indisposed to marry, that it gives women no object in | life but marriage, and yet that it assigns the furtherance of | marriage, which we assume to be an institution deserving | of careful cultivation, not to those whose interest it is to | promote it, but to those who are comparatively averse to it. | Modest or immodest, husband-hunting obviously tends to | remedy this misdirection and waste of force. | We take this to be the right explanation ~~ and we have | endeavored to make it an impartial one ~~ of the charge not | uncommonly brought against the young ladies of the | present day, that, as compared with their mothers and | grandmothers, they are rather forward and fast, and that | husband-hunting in their hands, is gradually being | developed to an extent scarcely compatible with the | old-fashioned theories about maidenly modesty and reserve. | The change may be considered the effort of modern | civilization to remedy an evil of its own creation. The tide | advances in one direction because it recedes in another. | | If the men will not come forward, the women must. It is all | very well for satirists to call this immodest, but even | modesty could be more easily dispensed with than | marriage. Besides, without quitting our position as | impartial observers, we may point out that it is only fair to | the professor of husband-hunting to remember that there | are two kinds of immodesty, and that some actions are | immodest merely because it is the custom to consider them | so. It would, no doubt, be immodest for a young lady to | ride through Hyde Park in man’s fashion. Yet what is there | is the nature of things to make a side-saddle more modest | than any other? The Amazons were positive prudes, and | would never have even spoken to man if they could have | contrived to carry on society without him; yet they rode | astraddle. And if fashion could make this practice feminine, | why should it not some day do as much for | husband-hunting?